Any divorced women here? Need advice

[Tybee]

It's great that you have choices! It sounds like you can take care of yourself, which is wonderful. If something happens like a medical event, are you actually any better off if you are with him? Sometimes, I think being in a marriage makes women more vulnerable, as you might be expected to take care of him in the future, and he would also have access to your resources.

Have you considered going to marital counseling together?

[Tammy]

If he's in recovery, not currently using, it might be good to go to couples therapy.

I'm in Toronto visiting my daughter. I got sick last night and will going to urgent care or ER today. It would be really hard to do this without my husband's support. I'd hate to start over alone at age 55.

If he goes first, I'll probably live with one of my kids. They all are the type that have already invited us to do so when it becomes necessary and we all get along really well.

I didn't think I'd feel this way, only a few years ago even, but social support is so critical as we age.

[catherine]

If he goes first, I'll probably live with one of my kids. They all are the type that have already invited us to do so when it becomes necessary and we all get along really well.

I didn't think I'd feel this way, only a few years ago even, but social support is so critical as we age.

I've already threatened my kids and told them to make space in their back yards for a tiny house or "granny pod." Kind of joking, but if they're amenable to it, I'll take them up on it.

[Molly]

Tybee - We've been through counseling. Many times. The issue is we have evolved so differently over the years. Also, I think the alcohol has made irreparable changes to his brain. Sometimes during a disagreement, I stop myself because I realize I am trying to reason with someone who has psychological issues. The cognitive decline is getting more apparent and I'm not sure I can or want to deal with it any longer.

That being said, he has his good qualities which has made the decision more difficult. If he was horrible, it would be easy to leave. But there are good days and bad. So I'm on the continual seesaw. Stay or go?

[Molly]

I should also add that there are so many unhappy women in my Al-Anon group. Most of them are in marriages they would like to leave but cannot for financial reasons. I was hoping to find women who left so I could learn about their experiences, but no luck yet.

[catherine]

I should also add that there are so many unhappy women in my Al-Anon group. Most of them are in marriages they would like to leave but cannot for financial reasons. I was hoping to find women who left so I could learn about their experiences, but no luck yet.

You might find your question answered if you sign up for the Friends and Family forum on SoberRecovery.com. There are people in all ages and stages of marriage. I'm sure you'll get support and insight there.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/

[Molly]

Catherine - Thank you! I just checked it out and there is a wealth of information. So appreciated!

[Rogar]

I am a single male in my early 60's, so you can discount my opinion appropriately, but I would make a couple of suggestions. One is that if you might be counting on some support with health issues as you age, us males generally have a shorter life expectancy and adding in substance abuse, you may be the care giver rather than the receiver and may out life you current spouse. Also, I am actually beginning to see advantages to downsizing out of a home, possibly into a condo or patio home. Not now, but maybe sometime. So your downsizing could be appropriate.

I have been single a long time and having a live-in companion that is amiable would be a slight challenge and having one that is not compatible is almost untenable. Some of this is what we've grown used to. I am quite happy single, but having the support and company of a working relationship would preferable to me. I have a group of single people in my own age group that I meet with and have met new friends in some volunteer and community projects. It takes a little more effort, but being single and older doesn't have to mean being a lonely hermit. I don't date currently and it is an uncomfortable thought, but finding a new partner and possibly better partner is not impossible.

[Teacher Terry]

You might want to read the book "Too good to leave-to bad to stay. I found it really helpful in the past.

[Molly]

Rogar - Thank you. I appreciate your input

Teacher - I am going to look that book up. Thanks