When goals fade away

[Ultralight]

This thread is making me think about my goals and about goals I see others in my life working toward.
Goals are a tough business...

I have set goals and met many of them. I have set goals and failed too. Glory or agony -- these are what come from goals. haha

[razz]

"In five years where do you want to be" This is the key point of the whole discussion, is it not? Maybe ongoing evaluation and resetting your goals, clarifying and editing those from 5 years ago to the key one for you at this point in your . What is it?

[Teacher Terry]

I have also set goals and both achieved and failed. That is life. My parents helped us with $ occasionally when we were young and poor. I have done the same for my kids. My Mom lived until 90 so had spent all her $ and I was happy that she did. She pre-paid her funeral and told us to sell her car to pay to take everyone that came to a nice restaurant for a meal after the funeral. She was proud and did not want anyone paying for her. Big weddings are a waste of $. We have given the kids that got married a few thousand towards the cost. The size and price of the wedding is up to them. I hope I live long enough to spend all my $. Our home is paid for but recently we pulled 100k out for 30 years because interest is so low. If we get too old we may downsize again into a condo. WE are traveling, eating out, going to events and doing all the things we could not afford to do before. This is our time to live and enjoy. My kids are happy that we are finally getting to do the things we want and do not expect an inheritance.

[catherine]

Thank you for giving me a lot to chew on.

Here are my responses:

ANM: Yes, you are right. If I do those two things you mentioned--use all the proceeds of BILs house to pay off debt and then sell my house and downsize to a little house in VT, there is a LITTLE light on the horizon for accomplishing the last goal of the certain dollar amount I would like to achieve in the bank (which is not big, folks).

That leads me to UL and Gella (I have to get used to "UL" rather than "UA"--but I REALLY like the "minimizing" of your name. It's perfect for you.). This is something I've turned around in my head. Am I a simple living wannabe, a poseur for the simple life? Some of the people I admire most are: The Nearings, Mark Boyle, Peace Pilgrim, William Coperthwaite, Suelo, Dorothy Day, St. Francis... they all have one thing in common--they have nothing! (Almost nothing). I guess you can live your life in aspiration, but when do you just admit you'll never get to the top of THAT mountain? I really, really have to think about this and ask myself, what is it that is putting me at odds with my desire to be comfortable with almost nothing? I really have to work that out. Thanks UA.. oops, UL!

So, Gella, I have wishes, but those "wishes" are more related to the previous paragraph: wishes to live a truly simple life! I do have active monetary goals that I establish every year, work for, and achieve. So, my annual goals are not mere "wishes." My success in meeting these annual goals gives me a certain confidence I can achieve my 5-year goal of no debt, no mortgage, and a little money in the bank--if I pay the price. It's the price that I'm not sure I'm willing to pay. I like my job, but I'm growing a little weary of it, and I look at the next 5 years ahead and sometimes think.. really?? 5 more years? 100 more projects? Am I up for this? And of course, there's no guarantee that I will be the one to determine my "retirement" date. When you're freelance, you're as busy as your telephone at any given moment.

Tybee, my biggest regret is not having built up a strong retirement fund. (Well, I was on my way to a fairly decent retirement until I mortgaged my MILs house and wound up losing probably $250k about 7 years ago. What would that have been worth now?) In fact, it's scarily paltry. It's keeping those handcuffs on.

And razz, teacher Terry, and flowerseverywhere, thanks for your understanding and input. Please understand that I am NOT expecting to put a whole lot of money towards these "big parties"! My oldest son basically eloped--we bought them dinner at a nice local restaurant, and I gave $3,000 to my second son. I have two more kids left. I AM going to give them SOMETHING when they get married. That is important to me. They don't ask for anything--they're not "takers."

On the subject of inheritances, I can live without leaving them much money. One thing I certainly have learned is that no one is as good a steward of your money than you are. It's just human nature to get a windfall and veer towards irresponsibility (maybe not the people on this board, but..). And, as I said, the $60 my mother gave me back on her deathbed meant the world to me. Estates are just a PIA and a reason for ill will among family members. I would just like to be able to have a little bit of money outlive me.

I truly am going to consider all your questions and probes. Thanks again for your input!!!

ETA: I guess the upside of this is, if I fail miserably in my monetary goals, I may wind up living an austere, simple life after all!

[Reyes]

I think it perfectly reasonable to adjust goals. Life changes, things happen, priorities change, etc. Being flexible is good:-)

[Teacher Terry]

One of the problems is that we don't know how long we will live. I would not want to work right up until I die. I still work 10 hours/week but I love it. I would not want to be working f.t. at almost 63. Also like you say Catherine you may not control your retirement date. I have seen people keep working 1 more year and then get sick and die. On the other hand it is nice to have some $ to do fun things in retirement that you could not afford before. I understand losing $ in real estate because it happened to us too. No easy answers. It looks like you are being totally reasonable about the kids weddings. Only 2 of our 5 have married. Some may never or not care about wedding.

[creaker]

Goals are something to achieve - they also help set realistic expectations. One of the first things I see in setting goals is it's obvious I'm not going to be able to order everything that's on the menu. So I have to start picking and choosing which ones are most important to me, and which ones are actually achievable.

[Tybee]

. . .

Tybee, my biggest regret is not having built up a strong retirement fund. (Well, I was on my way to a fairly decent retirement until I mortgaged my MILs house and wound up losing probably $250k about 7 years ago. What would that have been worth now?) In fact, it's scarily paltry. It's keeping those handcuffs on.

Okay, that is where I would start, spend some time around those insights, and see what the regret is telling you about re-prioritizing. You sound conflicted--"handcuffs" is negative, and it sounds like you are envisioning other ways to spend the next five years, but that you are concerned with the lack of a strong retirement fund.

[Geila]

I figured since I quoted the author of No Excuses! I might as well have it be an accurate quote rather than what I remembered from glancing at it a few months ago. Here is what he actually says:

"... people with goals accomplish so much more than people without them. The tragedy is that most people think that they already have goals. But what they really have are hopes and wishes. However, hope is not a strategy for success, and a wish has been defined as a 'goal with no energy behind it." (Brian Tracy)

To your point Catherine, you've recognized that maximizing your salary is clearly a goal and one that you work at consistently. The other items might be hopes and wishes.

On your children's wedding gifts, how about reducing your gift to $1000 per child? That seems like a reasonable amount given your circumstances. Which leads to, are they aware of your circumstances? If not, maybe it's time for an honest conversation with them about your debt situation and lack of retirement funds.

The other thing that stuck out was the debt situation and how you are not really in control of that. Meaning, you carry a large burden of debt on the house owned by your husband and his brother. Yet you have no equity or ownership in said house. How did that happen? That arrangement is disturbing to say the least. It seems to me that you are sacrificing yourself for the benefit of these two men. And in fact, the large debt you are carrying in service of that house is beyond your control because you have no say in how, when or if the house will ever be sold to eliminate that debt. And even if the house gets sold, will the proceeds go towards relieving you of the debt? I don't know how those two men managed to get you to bankroll their asset, but it's a very sweet deal for them and quite a bitter one for you. I might be wrong and misreading the situation, but from what a recall, your hands are tied here. So that would have a huge impact on whether or not you can achieve the goal of being debt free.

[iris lilies]

You all are giving the OP good advice. I am stuck at a basic level of not understanding her either/or premise:

...At this point in my life, I can either do the best I can for 5 years and hopefully get a decent Social Security payout that will keep me fed and housed; OR I can go the last lap full speed ahead and hope for the best...

It seems to me that the OP has no choice right now. She has to work until the BIL the house is sold. I will admit that I am pigheaded and I honestly can't see any other choice. When the BIL house is sold, debt can be retired, and at that point OP can consider options, one of which may be to stop working.


I will say Catherine at this point that if you looking ahead five years at work seems like a long slog, it is likely that 12 months from now, visualizing an additional 4 years will appear unbearable.


I wish for you to get out from your debt and that will provide options for you.