I liked what Terry said and I liked how she said it. And yes, I think acting kindly towards others makes the world a better place.Originally Posted by Ultralight
My apologies if I got off track on your original dating post. Good luck with your date; she sounds like a very interesting person!
No problem! These conversations evolve.
And thank you.
Dh works in a product development field. They have very specific definitions for "defect" and "feature". These can be context dependent.
example: 3M developed a new ashesive. It did not behave as intended, it was still sticky and flexible after drying, but the hold was weak. This was a "defect". Then some guy spread it on little squares of paper and stacked them in a pad. Now it was a "feature", and tada, post-its.
often dh will inform me that some trait of mine is a defect (such as not eating meat), and I will smile at him and say "no. It's a feature."
so, if you are lucky, you will find someone who considers your particular defects to be features.
At our house we talk about foibles.
Everybody's got 'em.
I'm with Chicken Lady. A person with BPD is mentally ill, not defective, IMHO.
The word I use is baggage. Live long enough and you've got some.
DW was divorced at 28. I was divorced at 42.
I was foolish enough to start dating right away (for reasons I fully understood then as I do now). But, after a couple of years, I pulled the plug on dating, did "The Work", and tended to my life. I had long ago decided I was happier alone than wishing I were. Work was getting more and more demanding. So was a family situation for which I was the only family left. There wasn't much time for finding and going out on dates.
It wasn't easy. I missed dating and, umm, yeah, that stuff.There were some events I would have liked to attend but didn't because friends couldn't go with me and I didn't want to "bother" to find dates for them or appear alone. But I needed that time for myself. And I got to try out some things that I'm guessing I could not have done with anyone I knew at that time ("Wasn't me. Nobody saw me. I wasn’t there.")
When I was ready to date I was all in. But I still was working a bunch of hours, there was my own house to take care of, and now there was the house I was renting to my mom. I was pretty fearless about asking out people at work (fortunately closer to my age than college age) or at other events. I told people I knew that I was open to qualified blind dates. I figured I was not everyone's cup of tea -- but, then, they weren't all going to be my cup of tea either. But ... nothing much.
Unknown to me, the woman who is now my DW was feeling many of the same pressures. Work kept her very busy as did her singles volunteer group (there still are some here in the Twin Cities) and she had plenty of friends in town. Still...
We both turned to on-line personals. The nice thing about on-line is that it's not so heavily dependent on appearance or free time. I could look at personals at 6 am and message the women I was interested in meeting. She could reply at 10 pm without worrying about using the phone (which she hates) or it being too late. I believe you can learn much more from a couple of minutes with an on-line profile than you can watching someone for that length of time in a store or at a concert. We've been married seven years last April.
UL, I can understand being reluctant to decide to stop dating. It's not easy. But it's also not permanent. The time you spend doing things you enjoy will make you a more rounded person whom you like better, and that's a key to being a good partner in a future relationship. And the more you do outside of your own place, the more people you will meet. Nothing wrong with advertising yourself, either. It's a big world. Good luck!
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington
Nice that you are back on the forums SteveDW was divorced at 28. I was divorced at 42.
I was foolish enough to start dating right away (for reasons I fully understood then as I do now). But, after a couple of years, I pulled the plug on dating, did "The Work", and tended to my life. I had long ago decided I was happier alone than wishing I were. Work was getting more and more demanding. So was a family situation for which I was the only family left. There wasn't much time for finding and going out on dates.
It wasn't easy. I missed dating and, umm, yeah, that stuff.
When I was ready to date I was all in. But I still was working a bunch of hours, there was my own house to take care of, and now there was the house I was renting to my mom. I was pretty fearless about asking out people at work (fortunately closer to my age than college age) or at other events. I told people I knew that I was open to qualified blind dates. I figured I was not everyone's cup of tea -- but, then, they weren't all going to be my cup of tea either. But ... nothing much.
Unknown to me, the woman who is now my DW was feeling many of the same pressures. Work kept her very busy as did her singles volunteer group (there still are some here in the Twin Cities) and she had plenty of friends in town. Still...
We both turned to on-line personals. The nice thing about on-line is that it's not so heavily dependent on appearance or free time. I could look at personals at 6 am and message the women I was interested in meeting. She could reply at 10 pm without worrying about using the phone (which she hates) or it being too late. I believe you can learn much more from a couple of minutes with an on-line profile than you can watching someone for that length of time in a store or at a concert. We've been married seven years last April.
UL, I can understand being reluctant to decide to stop dating. It's not easy. But it's also not permanent. The time you spend doing things you enjoy will make you a more rounded person whom you like better, and that's a key to being a good partner in a future relationship. And the more you do outside of your own place, the more people you will meet. Nothing wrong with advertising yourself, either. It's a big world. Good luck!
Agree!
Yeah, unless something totally expected happens on my date tomorrow -- like we suddenly fall for each other -- then it will be my last date for quite a while, I think.
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