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Thread: The bottom fell out (part II).

  1. #1
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    The bottom fell out (part II).

    Over the past several months that I have been dating (mostly meeting women online, then meeting up for a date in real life) I have been developing a different mindset. Hmmm... maybe that is not the best way to explain it.

    But I have gotten the feeling that is is just not worth it -- the expense in money, time, energy.

    So I decided to just start doing things on my own -- things I was hoping to do with a significant other. And this started with my trip to the Middle East.

    I am also thinking of taking a hot air balloon ride, going on a cruise, taking more international trips, learning to cook, going up to the Lake Erie Islands, and so forth. These are all things I would much rather do with a partner. But I know it is just not in the cards for me. So I am going solo.

    I'm going to let my last online dating profile expire and just drop out of dating. It is not much fun anymore. And I can make just about any situation fun!

    This will certainly simplify my life.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  2. #2
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    Several friends of mine have stated over the years, it is when your not trying to find one/looking, that you tend to run into them.

    Hasn't worked out so well for me, as the ones that I have had hit on me, are daughters of women that I have had an interest in over the years (young enough to be my daughter). Not looking my age has generally sucked.

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    I think there are singles groups you can travel with if you want. You are too young for Elderhostel, but a nice group of them came to my hometown once as an example.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    I think there are singles groups you can travel with if you want. You are too young for Elderhostel, but a nice group of them came to my hometown once as an example.
    I second this idea. You can enjoy traveling but be as social as you want, or not, depending on your mood that day. You get company when you feel like it and solitude when you don't.

    I admire your continued inner review of your life, UA, and how willing you are to adjust and navigate life. Good for you!

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    So, you have been artificially putting yourself into situations that don't appeal to you in the hope of appealing to someone else, through that situation, who will then be interested in the things that to appeal to you?

    i thought you were smarter than that.

    the place you will meet people who want to do the things you want to do, is doing the things you want to do. Those people may or may not be date material, but at least if they seem to be you will start out with common interests!

    i once dated a guy who I ran into at a conference. We hit it off, and I think he could tell I was interested. There was a live band playing that evening and he said "hey, I gotta go, but I'm going to see the band tonight, maybe I'll see you there?" I went, he wasn't there. I waited. I got into the music. 40 minutes in he appeared and offered me raisinettes. I said "oh, hey! I had decided you weren't coming." And he said "I wanted to make sure you stayed for the band."

    if you're really looking for a life partner, you need to start with a woman who's into at least some if the same "bands"

  6. #6
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    So, you have been artificially putting yourself into situations that don't appeal to you in the hope of appealing to someone else, through that situation, who will then be interested in the things that to appeal to you?

    i thought you were smarter than that.

    the place you will meet people who want to do the things you want to do, is doing the things you want to do. Those people may or may not be date material, but at least if they seem to be you will start out with common interests!

    i once dated a guy who I ran into at a conference. We hit it off, and I think he could tell I was interested. There was a live band playing that evening and he said "hey, I gotta go, but I'm going to see the band tonight, maybe I'll see you there?" I went, he wasn't there. I waited. I got into the music. 40 minutes in he appeared and offered me raisinettes. I said "oh, hey! I had decided you weren't coming." And he said "I wanted to make sure you stayed for the band."

    if you're really looking for a life partner, you need to start with a woman who's into at least some if the same "bands"
    yep. When DH and I met, he was a member of the Men's garden club and I was a member of the regular garden club in the same town Two separate groups, yet having the same interests. We did not meet in garden club activities, we met in a singles group. But eventually we would've run into each other through the garden clubs.

    My boyfriend before DH worked at a university library and I worked at the public library and we met through work activities.

    boyfriend before that, I met at a cat show. I also showed cats. I think he may hold the world's record as being the only single heterosexual male who showed a cat.

    CL is giving good advice. Be true to yourself and lead an authentic life. Maybe someone will come along, perhaps not, but your life will be better for it.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ToomuchStuff View Post
    Several friends of mine have stated over the years, it is when your not trying to find one/looking, that you tend to run into them.
    I think this comes from watching so many romantic comedies and listening to so many loves songs. I doubt this pans out statistically.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  8. #8
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    So, you have been artificially putting yourself into situations that don't appeal to you in the hope of appealing to someone else, through that situation, who will then be interested in the things that to appeal to you?
    What do you mean?
    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    i thought you were smarter than that.
    I might be, it depends if you and/or know what you're talking about.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    the place you will meet people who want to do the things you want to do, is doing the things you want to do. Those people may or may not be date material, but at least if they seem to be you will start out with common interests!

    i once dated a guy who I ran into at a conference. We hit it off, and I think he could tell I was interested. There was a live band playing that evening and he said "hey, I gotta go, but I'm going to see the band tonight, maybe I'll see you there?" I went, he wasn't there. I waited. I got into the music. 40 minutes in he appeared and offered me raisinettes. I said "oh, hey! I had decided you weren't coming." And he said "I wanted to make sure you stayed for the band."

    if you're really looking for a life partner, you need to start with a woman who's into at least some if the same "bands"
    I like a lot of bands.
    But also: please illustrate your suggestion a little more.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  9. #9
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    So, you have been artificially putting yourself into situations that don't appeal to you in the hope of appealing to someone else, through that situation, who will then be interested in the things that to appeal to you?

    i thought you were smarter than that.
    Yeah, I wasn't sure about that comment, either. I don't get that from the OPs post. If you mean that online dating is "artificially putting yourself out there," it's very common practice these days. From what I can gather, t's not as easy to bump into your life partner as it used to be--plus the internet is just a tool.

    Case in point, my DS broke up with a girlfriend a year or so ago, and he spent months and months trying to meet someone to no avail, even though he lives in a vibrant city and meets people all the time. We kept telling him to sign up for an online dating service and he refused over and over--he's very much a romantic and wanted to meet his next girlfriend in a way that would be written for a Jennifer Lawrence/Bradley Cooper movie.

    Life doesn't happen that way. He FINALLY gave in and signed up for the online service, had two or three dates that weren't the right fit, but he just celebrated 3 months of dating a woman he is madly in love with, and the feeling's mutual. They fit together like a hand in glove.

    There's nothing wrong with finding a partner online. You are not being "artificial"--my son is the most authentic person I know, and it's working for him.



    And I don't think OP said that he was planning on doing all those other things like hot air ballooning just to meet someone--I get the impression he wanted to do them anyway, was just hoping for someone to do them with.

    OP, I agree with the others who say just do exactly what you said--go out there and live your life, and life may surprise you.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  10. #10
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    I understand that online dating is "inorganic."

    And I agree there is something to be said for dating "in the wild."
    But my time "in the wild" is spent with atheists (who are overwhelmingly men) and the atheist women have so many choices that many actually have several partners concurrently (and the guys all know). I have never seen such fierce competition for women! haha

    Now, they are not like rams locking horns. But there is lots of posturing, vying, arguing, emotional acrobatics, etc. Though compromising eventually wins out, which is why atheist women can have several concurrent boyfriends if they want.

    My other hobbies, such as reading are solitary.
    And school is not a good place to meet women.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

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