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Thread: The bottom fell out (part II).

  1. #21
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    I don't think you are doing anything wrong by trying some new things while dating or anything else. This is just really hard! I have been single 12 years, it is getting to embarrassing. I don't stick with trying to date for long periods of time either, I go in spurts. Over this last school year I tried to join some more group type things in the Buddhist community. Not to specifically date but to build relationships. Being 50 and over the years I have found that guys think that things about me are cool and exciting, but then at some point expect traditional behavior of some type. I am not that strange in my own mind really. My last first date the guy was totally frustrated I didn't adopt his theory of genetics that night because basically he said so? Another just said as a statement, not a question, that I had a very clean house. And don't start me on the guys separated for a short time and can't wait to have sex again. I actually want someone single.

    So take your break, I have learned to do many things on my own also.

  2. #22
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    Don't feel embarrassed about being single! There's pros and cons to both single and coupled lifestyles, and nothing to be embarrassed about with either one.

  3. #23
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    my recent foray back into online dating was a flop except for making one very good male friend, it was worth it to have met him. However, I didn't try very hard, I waited for the men to approach me and then went on boring dates with men I didn't actually like. Meanwhile, at home I have a mother with an end stage disease who really needs me, a sudden change in my dad's health status which has me picking him up off the floor a few times a week and I just plain feel like shit with my own illness. I realized I was just doing it to escape my real life. Well, for now, my real life is too time consuming for a man. If the timing gets better, I'll try again.

    I think it's good you're so self aware. Take those solo trips.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by freshstart View Post
    my recent foray back into online dating was a flop except for making one very good male friend, it was worth it to have met him. However, I didn't try very hard, I waited for the men to approach me and then went on boring dates with men I didn't actually like. Meanwhile, at home I have a mother with an end stage disease who really needs me, a sudden change in my dad's health status which has me picking him up off the floor a few times a week and I just plain feel like shit with my own illness. I realized I was just doing it to escape my real life. Well, for now, my real life is too time consuming for a man. If the timing gets better, I'll try again.

    I think it's good you're so self aware. Take those solo trips.
    I am sorry to hear you are going through even more of this tragic stuff...
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  5. #25
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    Welp, today my Match.com subscription expired. And I deleted my profile.

    I won't say it feels good to give up on romance, but I will say it feels like the right thing to do. Perhaps I can put this time, energy, and resources into something that actually pays off.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    Welp, today my Match.com subscription expired. And I deleted my profile.

    I won't say it feels good to give up on romance, but I will say it feels like the right thing to do. Perhaps I can put this time, energy, and resources into something that actually pays off.

    Your just being a minimalist in relationships.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by ToomuchStuff View Post
    Your just being a minimalist in relationships.
    LOL! You mean an extreme minimalist. And I wouldn't entirely consider this a form of "voluntary" simplicity.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  8. #28
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    I'll put in a good word for online dating.

    What I like about it is the directness. The people there are willing to say they are looking for a relationship and what kind of relationship they are looking for. Also, I think if you're willing to be very specific in your profile - e.g. name specific books, movies, and music you like, say something about what you think makes a successful relationship - you actually can end up meeting someone you have a lot in common with.

    I just started online dating again after an eight-year relationship. I met two interesting guys with whom I had a lot in common and have been dating the second one for about six weeks. Hard to know where, if anywhere, it is going, but we do have some good conversations.

    Yes, you should follow your interests. What I say to myself sometimes is, "If I knew I was definitely going to be single for the rest of my life, how would I live now?" That sort of orients me. But I wouldn't make any rules about online dating or any other method of meeting someone. Just take care of yourself, follow your passions, and stay open. You never know.

    Btw, I keep my profile hidden because I'm a community college teacher, and I can't deal with running into my students on one of those sites. Guys only see my profile if I message them. Many guys have told me that women almost never contact them, but they love it when they do, so women out there, consider taking the first step!

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by ejchase View Post
    I'll put in a good word for online dating.

    What I like about it is the directness. The people there are willing to say they are looking for a relationship and what kind of relationship they are looking for. Also, I think if you're willing to be very specific in your profile - e.g. name specific books, movies, and music you like, say something about what you think makes a successful relationship - you actually can end up meeting someone you have a lot in common with.

    I just started online dating again after an eight-year relationship. I met two interesting guys with whom I had a lot in common and have been dating the second one for about six weeks. Hard to know where, if anywhere, it is going, but we do have some good conversations.

    Yes, you should follow your interests. What I say to myself sometimes is, "If I knew I was definitely going to be single for the rest of my life, how would I live now?" That sort of orients me. But I wouldn't make any rules about online dating or any other method of meeting someone. Just take care of yourself, follow your passions, and stay open. You never know.

    Btw, I keep my profile hidden because I'm a community college teacher, and I can't deal with running into my students on one of those sites. Guys only see my profile if I message them. Many guys have told me that women almost never contact them, but they love it when they do, so women out there, consider taking the first step!
    I am glad to hear you're having good luck with online dating and that you are assertive enough to contact a guy. Though I actually don't mind being the first to contact.

    I try to be direct, but leave a little mystery so that things can be discovered about me later, in person, the old fashioned way.

    If I asked myself: ""If I knew I was definitely going to be single for the rest of my life, how would I live now?" then I might slit my wrists. lol (joking, sort of).

    That would be a bit of an apocalyptic question that would lead me to possibly apocalyptic answers.

    I am trying not to imagine myself single for life, though it is quite possible.

    My last day on Match.com was about a week ago. On that last day I started having a conversation with a woman. She is 40, and according to her profile does not have kids or want kids. She is also an atheist. She was born in China, grew up there, then moved to the US for college. She ended up getting a job here and staying. She was married and divorced.

    So she is either defective or quirky. That is how it is with us leftovers, we're either defective or quirky (or both, I suppose).

    Anyway, we exchanged emails before my Match profile went poof. We chatted a little and we have a date tomorrow night.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    If I asked myself: ""If I knew I was definitely going to be single for the rest of my life, how would I live now?" then I might slit my wrists. lol (joking, sort of).
    Don't you ask yourself that, no matter the condition? The rocking chair approach. (what kind of person did I want to be when I look back)
    Reason being, you could fall for this gal, and get married, and she could die on the honeymoon. You can't live life for others in the end, you can share life with others, but you can do that both in and out of relationships.

    Had a friend whose wife fell for someone else and left him. A year later, he is raising his kids and a week away from getting married again, to a wonderful woman, and drops dead suddenly. I could list about six more that I know.
    Have fun on your date, but think about it.

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