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Thread: Sharing the work between spouses.

  1. #31
    Senior Member CathyA's Avatar
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    I actually think DH is having depression and this is how he handles it. I think he should go up on his antidepressant, but he thinks he's fine. I know his job takes a lot out of him. I fix him a nice dinner, and by around 7-8, he's in bed watching a movie or reading. Maybe I could slip more of the medicine in his supper?

  2. #32
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    If he is taking an antidepressant, and is suddenly wanting to go to be earlier, it would definitely be a good idea for him to go to the doctor and get checked out a bit, right?

  3. #33
    Senior Member CathyA's Avatar
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    He's a curious guy. If he doesn't have to work outside (which he is amazing at along with his stamina, and how much he can do outside), he tends to take a nap or 2 on his day off, or in winter. He can fall asleep faster than anyone! I think his mental stress is relieved by sleeping. Mine, on the other hand, keeps me from sleeping. He would refuse to go up on his med. Who knows. It's really hard to know how much is just emotional/mental and how much might be depression. He's never really very direct about much of anything, so I have to guess a lot. His siblings are the same way.

  4. #34
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Never, never add any meds without his knowledge or consent. He owns his behaviour. If it is affecting you then deal with your options to respond.

    Cathy, I say this in the kindest way that I can but don't know another way of asking if you realize that your posts indicate, to me anyway - you need to be upset about something all the time. Why?

    Somebody help me phrase this question better please.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  5. #35
    Senior Member CathyA's Avatar
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    LOL razz........I would never give him meds without his consent! I was joking about that.
    I'll have to check my posts. I know the 2 recently about DH displayed my being upset, but I'll have to check the others. But....I've been upset since I was born. It's a long story. But I believe I have many other posts that are fine.

  6. #36
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    I never got the housework distributed evenly. In my marriage I did most of it despite being the one who worked outside the home. My husband could not even handle raising one child full-time. He was on meds also, and slept a lot. So my son went to daycare half days. And I was resentful.

    In one subsequent relationship I cohabited and it was not evenly split then, but it did not bother me. I tried to follow the line from the Andy Gibb song, "Give a little more than you're asking for and your love will surely grow." However it annoyed the hell out of my then adult son who felt the guy was taking advantage of me and the relationship broke up over blended family and some other issues.

    My parents just celebrated their 55th anniversary and they have a good system. Since they are both workaholics they each do as much as they can all day long, defer to each other's strengths, and end each day enjoying conversation while one washes and the other dries and puts away the dishes. They do NOT want a dishwasher machine.

  7. #37
    Senior Member CathyA's Avatar
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    As irritated as I get with DH, we talk a lot about various things. When we go out to eat, seems like other couples our age just eat and don't talk. We talk constantly.......so that's good. He can really absorb things he reads (like the news), so he helps me understand some things, since I have trouble reading much.

    There are all kinds of relationships.........and we all come from different pasts and have different needs. It's amazing some relationships can last a lifetime, and be healthy. I'm happy for those people.

  8. #38
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    "There are all kinds of relationships.........and we all come from different pasts and have different needs. It's amazing some relationships can last a lifetime, and be healthy. I'm happy for those people."

    People have to WANT to be happy. When you're unhappy, talk it out. Come to a mutually satisfying agreement. Every day is not a happy face day. Every day is NOT perfect, but overall the year can be fabulous anyway. 37th anniversary is next Wednesday.
    We didn't get here complaining about each other, we talk to each other.

  9. #39
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gardnr View Post
    "There are all kinds of relationships.........and we all come from different pasts and have different needs. It's amazing some relationships can last a lifetime, and be healthy. I'm happy for those people."

    People have to WANT to be happy. When you're unhappy, talk it out. Come to a mutually satisfying agreement. Every day is not a happy face day. Every day is NOT perfect, but overall the year can be fabulous anyway. 37th anniversary is next Wednesday.
    We didn't get here complaining about each other, we talk to each other.
    I think married life ebbs and flows, and you have to tread water when the tide is out. There is a fantastic little-known movie, Summer Solstice, with Henry Fonda and Myrna Loy about a old couple reminiscing on their marriage and the point I took away when I saw this movie (and I probably had only been married a few years at the time) was that marriages are messy and rarely plod along on a steady course. Now that I have been married 40 years (and congrats to you, Gardnr!) I see the wisdom in that. You have to embrace the bumps as well as the smooth sailing or you'll wind up bitter.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  10. #40
    Senior Member CathyA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gardnr View Post


    People have to WANT to be happy. When you're unhappy, talk it out. Come to a mutually satisfying agreement. Every day is not a happy face day. Every day is NOT perfect, but overall the year can be fabulous anyway. 37th anniversary is next Wednesday.
    We didn't get here complaining about each other, we talk to each other.
    Who doesn't WANT to be happy? I totally agree about when you're unhappy, talk it out. But that doesn't work so well when only one person wants to talk it out.

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