No, our extra properties (we are down to one parcel that has two small houses) are our garden space. After fixing up the exteriors of these houses, we wont do any more and they are not habitable.Originally Posted by Tybee
I figure I've done my fair share to shore up that neighborhood by makng the exteriors look decent. We have a whole lot more invested in them than we will ever get back, and that is ok. The garden space is worth it.
When I was home full time with the kids for a decade I considered everything my job at home - because that seemed fair to me. Husband jumped in when able, but even with kids ages 1, 3, and 6 I often did the outside work in addition to the inside work.
I considered it a huge privilege to be supported financially so I could be home. I felt I had the easier job as he was putting in 60-70 hour work weeks.
And now that I'm working full time plus overtime these last two decades, I still believe that I had it easier than him. It's exhausting to work a 40 hour week and then come home to more work.
And absent minded me should address the last two decades when we both worked! It ebbed and flowed depending upon who was working more. He tended toward 30 hour weeks and I toward 50 hour weeks. I like to do laundry and clean. I don't like to shop or cook. I thought that division of labor would work. But alas he does not value regular shopping and cooking so unless I specifically delegated it each then it didn't get done.
I was frustrated at times. Then I learned to care less. It helped that the kids left home and we could each fend for ourselves for meals if needed.
He will never see the dirt or the details the way that I do. But then I will never be as assertive with repair people for house and car as he is. So it all balances out if you look at the whole 36 years we've been married.
For most of our married life, we have both been at work so house stuff was equally shared. I have always been the arranger and paper pusher though. I tend to think that if one partner is at home full time than they should be responsible for the lion's share of managing house stuff. But it would bother me is if DH showed no interest in either keeping the house clean and/or repaired. I really can't complain. He cooks, cleans and fixes most everything that comes up. But he doesn't do laundry since he has no since about what to wash together. Now that we are both retired and bought a house needing all kinds of repairs (that was dumb!), we are both equally busy bees or it won't get done.
Some people worry about the woman if the husband dies. In my case, I think DH would be totally lost. He hasn't a clue how I pay all the bills, how the furnace works, who to call for anything. I fear if I die, he would become an alcoholic and become bankrupt, just by not knowing to pay bills, and being much too free with his money.....even when times are bad at his business.
I make great meals for him all the time and he thanks me many times all evening.........but then will totally overlook broken things or being interested in my illness. He's a strange guy. But I can't lose sight of the fact that I haven't had to work. That I was sooooooo fortunate to be a stay-at-home-mom.......and then didn't have to work while I was so ill for so many years.
He's OCD and takes a med for it....but he's come down on it for awhile (not off), but I wonder if some of his behavior isn't OCD related. Sometimes I can't get him to stop doing dishes. Even at holiday family get-togethers, he keeps doing dishes..........even right after he yelled at the younger generation for not helping with the dishes. Most electrical outlets in the barn don't register as having grounding, some of the overhead wood has rotted and is falling down, our well water has many times been full of coliform, but he never worries about chlorinating the well......so I do it myself, or force him to help. Sorry, but I just need to vent. I'm just so frustrated. I realize I'm not the greatest spouse, but he will never bring anything up that bothers him about me. That has to fester and cause him problems........But when something bothers him.......he just shuts it out. And being a non-social person, maybe I expect him to fulfill too many of my needs. But still.........it would be nice for him to be engaged more.. His brain is definitely curious. I honestly don't know if I should be concerned about him in that respect. One time he got a little strange and I asked his sister (who works for him at his business), to keep her eye on him and let me know if she notices anything........but all the siblings stand by each other, no matter what......even if they need help, the others will refuse to see any problem. Sigh..............
I thought the point of a marriage was to get the other person to do all the work if at all possible.
Ha, UA!!
I think my hubs and I have a pretty work-able situation. He is semi-retired and I still work up to 50 hr/wk.
He does the bulk of the cooking and grocery shopping.
He does the lawn mowing. I do the weeding, planting. I do all the freezing/preserving. He does the butchery-meat freezing.
We have split duties on bill-paying.
I do all the housework, i.e., vacuuming, dusting, laundry, floors, bathroom, etc.
We do home repairs together. For example, if the house needs painting, if left to him, it would never be done, but if we do it together, then it does. There are several tasks that we do together because he either doesn't want to do them, or he doesn't feel confident enough to do them alone. He's not the most handy guy, but if we do something together, he doesn't mind doing them.
No complaints really, except I hate vacuuming, especially the time it takes, hence the robotic vacuum thread elsewhere here in the forum.
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already!
This is an interesting thread, in all seriousness.
When I was married I would always do half the housework. Now I do all my own housework and it is considerably less than the half I used to do! Explain that!
No wonder your looking for a spouse.
I have a husband much like IL's husband, I think. He can fix almost anything and has done things like jack up the barn and stabilize the foundation. He was just out forking the compost and now he's in playing a sonata on the piano. He makes the best coffee I have ever tasted in my life. He has worked some sh*tty jobs so we could have health insurance, including being an over the road truck driver, even though he has a masters degree in piano performance. He is an awesome listener and we have more fun together than I have ever had with another human being. We laugh a lot. He cooks breakfast.
I would say these are the reasons I love him but that's not true, I fell in love with him at first sight, which was very weird, but true.
Oh well. I'm just lucky, I guess.
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