I am just going to admit that this seems to be my board, I have started something like the last 20 topics! I think a lot of simple livers are scaling back their work focus, where I am keeping life simple so that I can put the effort into work that really aligns with my values, and I am lucky to have that type of a job.
Yeah, end of year review. I hate these really. I didn't get all emotional or on the other end of the spectrum check out and disengage. So that was a great thing. I met with old sup and new one. I am liking the new one, in several ways I am more of an expert on things than he is so I get to be wonderfully independent and make a lot of decisions. I got a 3 on a scale of 1-5, what I expected. I was okay with it, I didn't feel like I pushed for a 4 this year and I had a few mistakes I had to deal with honestly. The good part was that my old sup really talked up my creative problem solving. She also recognized what a hard year it has been for staffing. That was awesome. And I noticed that I dropped some of my big push to achieve. I have had a tired out year, ready for a lot of self care over the summer. But I also am feeling this gap where the idea I need to work harder and be better used to be. Of course the 'work on' issues are always deadlines, paperwork, details. I think I did a LOT better but near the eval time I missed something important. There is always some well-meaning person with a totally different type of brain that wants to help me, it just is what it is. I work hard at it and I could be 'perfect' with a huge energy push. I focus a lot on big picture, vision and how detailed work supports that. I think that is leadership and worthy of considering a promotion, but I am accepting this department does not see that.
Meanwhile I am anxiously awaiting the response on the fellowship that I applied for, I have to wait until July 25th!! I have had this underlying dream of being an academic. I get scared off by competition, but I am getting better about that. And I joined a Toastmasters meetup to work on the stage fright.