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Thread: Sandwich generation thread

  1. #91
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    Well, hiding spending is not as unusual as hiding two previous marriages. Found out mom was married twice before she married Dad and was married to him for 61 years. My parents never ever talked about money. We got hints as we were much older that things were fine. Neither spent money and I wish they had enjoyed some of what they saved. They even refused to fill out the college financial aid forms so I told them they were then responsible for the whole cost and they provided it. (much cheaper in the 70s though.)

  2. #92
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    Quote Originally Posted by sweetana3 View Post
    Well, hiding spending is not as unusual as hiding two previous marriages. Found out mom was married twice before she married Dad and was married to him for 61 years. My parents never ever talked about money. We got hints as we were much older that things were fine. Neither spent money and I wish they had enjoyed some of what they saved. They even refused to fill out the college financial aid forms so I told them they were then responsible for the whole cost and they provided it. (much cheaper in the 70s though.)
    Sister's MIL found out after her Dad's death that not only was he married before, he had a whole family that everyone was in the dark about, including the mom. Other family discovered their Dad's whereabouts after he died, can't remember if it was obit or genealogy site, but MIL was contacted by her unknown half brother.

    As far as college aid forms, my parents were the same way. I would have applied but they didn't want to disclose. They did pay their share as we had an agreement to what percentage they and I would pay, but it was frustrating that they didn't want to look into easing the burden on either of us all because $$ was some deep dark secret. This was late 70s / early 80s.

  3. #93
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    I cannot get my parents to sit down and talk about the future. Like if one of them dies, can we still afford to live here? Go over the will, insurance policies, wishes when they die, fill out a MOLST, etc, etc, etc. It has been at least 6 mos of me begging to do this stuff. I tell my dad he is being cruel leaving my mom to worry where she will end up when he dies. She is stuck in bed and should not have to worry about that. I told them tomorrow is D Day, we start by going over the will. But it rarely works when I tell them stuff. But if I wait for them, they're probably going to be too sick to tell me where everything is. At least they have a will, that's a start. And my mom has a DNR.

  4. #94
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    If you can get them to show you where the documents are and what their finances are then you could figure out on your own if you guys could afford to stay there if something happens to one of your parents. Hugs)

  5. #95
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    "paperwork" has always been a problem for my parents, my mother is a hoarder and my dad is just very disorganized, plus I need him to sit down with me and walk me through his online accts, passwords etc. It's going to be a project. But one I'd rather take on while he is still lucid than not.

  6. #96
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    Organization helps, but so does openness.

    Siblings and I found out a couple of years ago, during my mother's final illness, how much was unplanned in spite of hearing from them, my Mom particularly, how they had things set up or were working on it. Well, they did set things up to a point such as will, trust and POA's but we were blindsided with no funeral plans, what bank accounts they had, bills, or where other important documents were. My mom handled this stuff, my dad had no idea as things like paperwork, bill and internet passwords were Mom's realm.

    Even now I am not sure we have all the information/documents and given my one sister's penchant (she is handling the finances) for not sharing information unless she wants to, I don't have a full picture of what's going on with Dad financially. Being that it's looking like Dad will probably need a care facility soon or at least hired help at home, not knowing what resources Dad has (between disorganization and lack of information sharing) makes it very hard, more than it needs to be.

  7. #97
    Senior Member beckyliz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BikingLady View Post
    Poor dad having IBS or something and no doctor ever, he had an issue at Kroger Wednesday while there with his aide and never made it to the bathroom. I called yesterday and he was down, very down, probably more that then really still suffering from his stomach issues. I then called after lunch and said I was coming over to spend the night, if only to be company. NO I don't want to see anyone. Then I offered to take him to the doctor today, NO will not go. Just wants to be alone. Ok I know the aide comes today. I know this is the weekly issue he has, but this time and the reason I refuse to go out and about with him as I knew this would happen, I still now worry about his level of being sad over this

    I really accept now that I can change nothing, he will not go to assisted living, so as my neighbor says about her 95 year old mom, nature takes it's course. Yet yesterday I thought if dad would go to the assisted living home on Lake Huron how he could be griping about life with other like minded men.

    Hugs - I totally get it.
    "Do not accumulate for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal. But accumulate for yourselves treasure in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, your heart is also." Jesus

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