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Thread: Sandwich generation thread

  1. #1
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    Sandwich generation thread

    post your struggles, your wins here.

    After today, I think I should invent a diaper bag for the sandwich generation. I'm now the only driver in the household, 2 sick parents. When we travel I have to carry their medical histories and list of meds, a notebook to write down what the doctor says, calendar to put next appts in, their pills, their Nooks, their bottles of water, my father's Glucagon pen, my mother's ice packs, plus all my stuff. My biggest purse is so heavy, I really think it is going to break. I would happily buy a tote with the needs of geriatrics in mind. If only I could sew or design stuff, lol. Right now all of it just falls to the bottom of my bag and I can find nothing. I know these are already on the market, but I think I could design a good medical records notebook system, as well.

    If you are in a similar situation, I highly recommend this cooler: https://www.ebags.com/hproduct/ebags...FUWewAodla4Cpg Goes on sale all the time, really well laid out cooler to leave in the car for in between MD appts. Has paid for itself in us no longer eating out while we're running around.

    anybody have a bag they'd recommend when you have a ton of stuff to carry?

  2. #2
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    Not there yet but I will be. My son is disabled and may never get out on his own, and my parents while still independent are approaching 80. My baby brother lives with them and takes care of heavy yardwork/housework, but he does not have and refuses to get a license. My parents fortunately realize some of their limitations and will no longer drive at night or park where they have to back up, but soon I expect to be driving them everywhere. My other brother is half a continent away.

    Some of my coworkers are in the sandwich and all their vacation days go for errands with the elders. One woman wants to retire but has custody of her grandson. I don't know if that is due to the opioid epidemic or what. It has hit our area pretty hard.

    I'm sorry you are going through this freshstart. I have a lot of admiration for people putting others first when being self-absorbed would be so much easier.

    I have planned my first in years flying vacation as my mother's health seems pretty stable after a couple of close calls, but it will probably be my last.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Simplemind's Avatar
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    The last few years have been a challenge. I still have my kiddo at home, although for months we have hardly seen him except when he comes home to do laundry and swap out clothes. His girlfriend was having issues at home and he asked if she could move in and I told them that if they were old enough to play house they were old enough to do it in their own home. My husband takes care of his mom who was very thoughtful in downsizing and selling her home and moving into independent living close to us. Things have changed, she went into assisted living, didn't like it and we found her a beautiful adult foster home situation where she is very happy. Still............ we or he is taking her to at least one appointment or more a week and running other errands. We spent the last four years cleaning, selling etc my dad's estate as we juggled him in his home, then independent living, then an adult foster home for dementia. When he was in independent living one of us was with him for most of each day. We patched it together as long as we could and finally had to move him. He was then diagnosed with cancer so we are not sure which issue is going to win the race. Although I no longer need to attend to my dad every day I am there at least every couple of days. We have many appointments and I bring him hone for meals or we go out to his favorite spots. We keep our fingers crossed that our health holds out. We were just talking about this today. Neither of us remembers our parents taking care of their parents. None of our three kids want kids. Hope they keep young healthy friends around in their future.

  4. #4
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    My SIL just got her kids launched and out of the house and within a few weeks became sole caretaker of her 83yo mom who doesn't want to leave home. She works full time but drives 75 mi each way twice a week, grocery shops for her and takes her to doctor's appts. Cooks a weeks worth of meals to take to her. Pays her bills and who knows what else. Uses vacation time to do all this. I am waiting for her to burn out since this has been going on for more than a year. I did it as a younger person in my 30s with a small child in tow and nearly lost it at the time due to stress.

  5. #5
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    well what if she does burn out, there isn't necessarily anything much in the way of alternatives if the older person is helpless (and not just taking advantage but genuinely helpless due to age), and if there are no other siblings or they won't help. I mean you can hire people with money, but without great wealth, there just aren't a lot of alternatives (can hope for Medicaid to pay for a home maybe?)
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  6. #6
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    it's good to know you guys are out there. Hugs to everyone going through this.

    I worked in home or hospice home care for 23 yrs and only once saw an adult private foster situation. IDK if our state pays for formal ones, if not they should, so much cheaper than a nursing home. I'm glad your dad is in a good one.

    today the cardiologist said he would try to get my dad into cardiac rehab to get some strength back, he has neuropathy and keeps falling. And his primary is sending him to ortho for the horrible hip pain he is having. I hope a hip replacement is not the next step, we need a break, lol. But then again I hate to see him suffer. We saw the arthritis specialist yesterday, my dad has a disease that causes the spine to fuse together bone on bone and is very painful, he's going to think about trying some of the new biologicals on him. And also send him to this school that helps disabled drivers get behind the wheel again. he cannot turn his head at all so he does not drive. If we could adapt the car that would be great. My dad has so much wrong with him but he has a great team.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post

    I have planned my first in years flying vacation as my mother's health seems pretty stable after a couple of close calls, but it will probably be my last.
    I hope this works out and isn't your last

  8. #8
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    With all the stuff you take, and since I am not sure if you ever do stairs (wheel differences), as well as all the medical conditions, I would look at something like B06ZXSFNH6 from Amazon. It is a bag/cart/cooler/seat combo thing with stair climbing wheels.
    https://www.amazon.com/Climber-Troll...r+climber+seat

  9. #9
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    Too depressed about my personal situation in the club sandwich right now to post about details, but thank you for a wonderful thread idea, freshstart. Will work up to it.

  10. #10
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    I am sorry and fully understand. I was on the Crazy Train as I posted often here a few years ago(ctg492). TN to MI to TN to MI to the breaking point. I am now at the point for self sanity of telling myself it is what it is. I am the only one for Dad (89) who is now ""only"" a 6 hour round trip every other week from one side of MI to the other and the daily phone calls. Which I take a breath before the issue of the day.

    WHY did each of us end up with this issue? Did our folks expect or what us to have this burden? Will we learn from this and keep our kids from this for us?

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