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Thread: Sandwich generation thread

  1. #131
    Senior Member Williamsmith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    Among my social circle the scenario rosarugosa describes is much more common than the one Tybee describes. People try to avoid sending relatives to the nursing home because they don't want the house to be sold to pay the costs. They want to inherit it.
    Some families begin to break apart over this,point. Some, mine for instance, the children have already been given title to the property many years ahead. When the time comes, the house cannot be considered assets by nursing facility admissions. However, it is agreed that the house will be sold at the appropriate time to pay for services and needs. Maintenance on the home can be a sticking point. Many go into disrepair. Outright theft from parents financial,investments also,occur. It can get very distasteful and ugly.

  2. #132
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    so I'm really heading into the thick of it. My mother, who is in the end stages of a complicated disease but has lived much longer than anyone thought, is really suffering with inability to breathe and chronic terrible, unmanaged pain. She is now at the point where she is crying at times and saying she is ready to pass. But at the same time she has chosen to have surgery on her arm and hand because they are so painful and the surgeon thinks he can provide some relief. So she is going to require even more help than usual. 2 weeks later, my dad is having a total hip replacement. Then my dog has been having trouble getting up and down the deck stairs and the vet fears he has a torn ACL and needs surgery but he has to be carried up and down those stairs in recovery and he's too big for me to carry. I don't know what the heck I'm going to do about him. I hope my kids settle well into college because I think I will go over the ledge should any problems crop up with them, lol. Just a vent.

  3. #133
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    OH Freshstart, that is almost more than one can cope with. There must be some help somewhere that you can call upon as an act of mercy.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  4. #134
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    Maybe a dog walker (or in your case dog lifter) in the short term?

  5. #135
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Yeesh, freshstart, that's a lot going on and bearing on your shoulders. I hope you can find help of some kind -- and some time to care for yourself.
    If Americans expended even a fraction of the energy on civic engagement that we spend on consumer ideology, our democracy would be much healthier. Can you imagine people camping out to vote? -- Charles Roberts, Amherst, Mass., Nov. 25, 2006

  6. #136
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    I second the dog lifter suggestion, freshstart, there is no way you should be lifting that dog. Our golden retriever tore her ACL at Christmas and it was a slow recover, and for a while my husband was carrying her up and down stairs, not fun and not safe, as he needs a hip replacement.
    So sorry you are in the thick of it.

  7. #137
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    thanks guys, I didn't even think of something so simple as a dog walker, I'm too in it to see my way through it

  8. #138
    Senior Member beckyliz's Avatar
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    Coming back to report that Mom passed away on the 22nd.

    She cancelled the home health group that I had brought in (quelle surprise), but did ask a friend of hers from church who is an LPN to come in a couple of times a week. All well and good. The problem, however, was that Mom's afib caused her to be weak and dizzy and so she would consistently cancel her INR appointments where she was to get her blood tested for her Coumadin. That, plus the fact that she insisted on taking full-strength aspirin, (in my humble opinion) led to a nose bleed on the 21st. She told me it wasn't bad and that her friend would take her to the ER the next morning. I told her to call me back if she changed her mind and wanted me to take her that evening.

    I called the next morning to check in, but didn't get an answer. I assumed her friend (Ginny) had taken her to the ER. Ginny called me a while later and said she'd called three times with no return call and asked if I'd meet her at Mom's house. I got there first and found her sitting in her chair. Without going into the gory details, I think she became weak from blood loss (perhaps an aneurysm also?), and went asleep and never woke up.

    SO, she got what she wanted - staying in her own home until the end. No assisted living or nursing home for her. Damn stubborn Swede We had the funeral Saturday. She did give us the gift of preplanning and prepaying for the funeral - even wrote her own obituary. We had all kinds of family come in, which was wonderful. Now on to the hard work of getting the house ready to sell, shuffling paperwork, gathering assets, paying bills, etc.

    Still can't believe it.
    "Do not accumulate for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal. But accumulate for yourselves treasure in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, your heart is also." Jesus

  9. #139
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    Oh, Beckyliz, I am so sorry for your loss.

  10. #140
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Beckyliz, that must have been awful fir you in finding your mother that way. I hope it is of some comfort that she probably had no pain and probably no panic, if her blood loss was steady.

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