Page 5 of 16 FirstFirst ... 3456715 ... LastLast
Results 41 to 50 of 151

Thread: Sandwich generation thread

  1. #41
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    1,495
    My folks do not want to leave their farmstead. I think this is probably the hardest move because you have become part of the land if you have been there long enough. I know they pray that they will be able to die there.

    Speaking of independence, my dad is fighting oxygen as an assistive measure.

    This is one reason I can't bring myself to move there--I would feel responsible, and they will not really listen to what I have to say, so its responsibility without any authority to make something happen.

  2. #42
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    upstate NY
    Posts
    2,712
    my mother fought hard about oxygen and I remember thinking, "I'll never be like that." Then I had a sleep study and needed CPAP but also oxygen. I accepted the CPAP because I'm fat but oxygen, no way! Then they showed me that my oxygen level was in the 60s when I slept and I accepted it real quick, lol.

    "This is one reason I can't bring myself to move there--I would feel responsible, and they will not really listen to what I have to say, so its responsibility without any authority to make something happen"- exactly this

  3. #43
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    1,495
    Quote Originally Posted by freshstart View Post
    my mother fought hard about oxygen and I remember thinking, "I'll never be like that." Then I had a sleep study and needed CPAP but also oxygen. I accepted the CPAP because I'm fat but oxygen, no way! Then they showed me that my oxygen level was in the 60s when I slept and I accepted it real quick, lol.

    "This is one reason I can't bring myself to move there--I would feel responsible, and they will not really listen to what I have to say, so its responsibility without any authority to make something happen"- exactly this
    Thanks, freshstart, I feel such guilt about this.
    Glad you got the oxygen!

  4. #44
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    upstate NY
    Posts
    2,712
    try not to feel guilty, often times people have to fail and have their own personal come to Jesus moment. I saw this in Hospice over and over- refusal of pain meds, refusal of oxygen and equipment, etc. Then something would happen to cause them great discomfort and they would suddenly accept all the things they had fought for so long. Nothing the nurse or doctor or family member said made a difference, they had to come to the realization that it was time for xy or z on their own.

    you would think 3 brain bleeds from a fall then two years of repeated falls would've convinced my dad he needed to use a walker. He even had to have back surgery because of one of the falls, still no walker. Then he fell in the driveway, we didn't know he was out there. All of a sudden a group of 5 elderly women walkers came into the house dragging him, they had found him in the driveway. He fell again when he got inside. Being hauled in by all those women did the trick, he now (mostly) uses a walker. I ranted til I was blue in the face, at least 5 different doctors told him he had to use one and it took these women to make him finally realize. Don't feel guilty, you are not the problem
    Last edited by freshstart; 7-1-17 at 6:25pm.

  5. #45
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    3,321
    We were very good friends with a couple and he had terminal cancer at 66 and she had 8 bouts of cancer over 12 years and early Alzheimer's. He had adult kids in another state and she had no family left. I told him more then once he had to find someone to become his wives guardian for when he was gone because being a ward of the state is not pretty ( I was a SW at one time). I offered to do it. Finally after months of him doing nothing -3rd conversation at this point-I said I will never bring it up again but you are dying and she will be in a bad place when that happens. A few days later he gets the papers and we all sign them. Within a few months he is too sick to care for her or himself and moves into his son;s home and I put her in a decent home. He died within a few months and we went to visit her often and took charge of her care. Her cancer came back and we did not treat it. Even hospice did things I told them not too. They were giving her a drug that I had told them not to because it made her neck and head pull down and to the side. When I noticed what was happening I confronted them and they claimed no other drug could be used. I fired them and got a new one that said of course there were other drugs.

  6. #46
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    upstate NY
    Posts
    2,712
    yikes, Teacher Terry, that was very kind of you

  7. #47
    Senior Member beckyliz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Topeka, KS
    Posts
    282
    Thanks, all, for your understanding and suggestions. My brother and husband took her into the ER today because she twisted her leg the same day I broke mine and was finally willing to go get it looked at. I'm not sure if they'll let her come home or make her stay or go to rehab, or what. My brother is thinking (hoping) that at some point soon, a social worker will become involved in her care and we can then have our "Jesus" meeting. I know that's perhaps taking a chicken way out, but, as you know, we can talk until we're blue in the face and it will fall on deaf, stubborn ears.

    Good news for me today - x-ray this morning shows the same as it was last week right after my fall. I can start to put some weight on my right leg as I feel comfortable to do so. God bless whoever invented knee walkers.
    "Do not accumulate for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal. But accumulate for yourselves treasure in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, your heart is also." Jesus

  8. #48
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    upstate NY
    Posts
    2,712
    glad you got good news for you and glad your mom is somewhere she can get help, fingers crossed on the social worker

  9. #49
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Saint Paul, Minnesota
    Posts
    4,195
    Quote Originally Posted by freshstart View Post
    glad you got good news for you and glad your mom is somewhere she can get help, fingers crossed on the social worker
    Indeed. beckyliz, know that you can take your mother's doctor aside and tell him/her what you're seeing. It's your observation, not necessarily only your judgement. (S)He may be able to intervene with a social worker (who may not have more to do than start the conversation) or serve as someone your mother trusts.

    And, beckyliz, I hope you recover quickly, too.
    If Americans expended even a fraction of the energy on civic engagement that we spend on consumer ideology, our democracy would be much healthier. Can you imagine people camping out to vote? -- Charles Roberts, Amherst, Mass., Nov. 25, 2006

  10. #50
    Senior Member Simplemind's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    708
    Tybee you are so right about becoming part of the land. I am still struggling with this. My parents also had the fantasy of living out their lives on their property and dying there. They were so attached to that fantasy they refused to have a discussion of any other scenario. Mom was able to die there but when dad started to go downhill I could not make it happen for him without it railroading my life. Still.............. I am so saddened about having to sell all the property. Many changes are going on there and many of them positive but I can't make myself drive out to look. Other family members keep trying to talk to me about it and I don't want to know. Thankfully my dad no longer asks. My husband rides out every month or so and takes pictures and says that if I want to see one day I can. He is fascinated with all the McMansion building going on. I just want to remember it as it was as I deal with the daily guilt of taking dad away from it.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •