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Thread: Sandwich generation thread

  1. #71
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    I wish my parents would sit down and say to my brother and I, "look, this is what we need. What are each of you willing or able to do?" Maybe if my brother knew they needed so much help, he'd throw money at the problem, say pay for my mom's twice a week aide to shower her. I don't think he has a clue how hard it is but he's also not asking to know, either. And not responding in crisis situations. So a meeting would probably be futile.

  2. #72
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    I wish they would, too, freshstart, a meeting would be really good. And if your brother wants to participate by paying for help, that would be aokay by me!
    My brother just wants to start trouble and demand they do things, but he doesn't want to pay anything and he doesn't want to help himself; he wants to order me and my other brother to do it, since we "live closer." even though he is rich and not working.

  3. #73
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    Sometimes the "neglectful" one (i.e. Not interfering, not busy bodying their way into the senior's life) IS the most helpful one. I am sure a lot of elderly parents feel this way.


    A lot of old people would be in nursing homes without their kids help.

  4. #74
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    There's laissez-faire and there's neglectful. I don't have much trouble distinguishing between the two.

  5. #75
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    There's laissez-faire and there's neglectful. I don't have much trouble distinguishing between the two.
    There is a post over on the MMM website in recent days from a young man who is concerned about his grandmother's apparent spend Ng. He suspected she was sending money out to scammers. He said his father has access to grandma's ban accounts.

    Just yesterday he came back on the ntread to relate hat his father checked the bank account and saw the granny had withdrawn $200,000 since January 2017 and wired it thru Walmart to places unknown. Somewhere in there a Walmart clerk talked to her manager about this and they alerted grandma's family.

    But it is granny's money, no?

    Actually, the best answer on that thread was the one that said: granny should,be able to make her own decisions about where to send her money. But if the reason for sending the money is fraudulent, time to set up barriers around her.

    My mother with Alzheimer's disease loved vacuum cleaners and bought expensive ones she couldnt operate. But that wasnt fradulent, she got a solid product at an inflated price.

    She ordered custom drapery for all of her windows, even the little kitchen window above her sink. Not fradulent, just excessive. And yes the nice lady decorators eho bisited her upsold her like crazy.

    She liked to send money to one of those Native American Children's charities that advertises in the back of magazines. That isnt fradulent, exactly.

    We had to sit on our hands/mouths while she thre away this money in her dotage. It was her money.

  6. #76
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    If someone is able to legally declare someone mentally incompetent to manage their money then odds are they probably are. There is likely a reason such legal mechanisms exist. Of course even when it doesn't meet that full burden of proof, it might be their money, but if wasting it means they will require a bailout later on, the person who will do the bailing out has reasons to be concerned.
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  7. #77
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    Usually when people start spending $ like that they are getting dementia. I would definitely step in because the person is being taken advantage of. Yes if the person is bad enough you can have them declared incompetent. At that point it does not matter whose money it is. APN: is right that the worst thing would be if that person wasted all their money and then couldn't afford the care they would need down the road.

  8. #78
    Senior Member dmc's Avatar
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    My dad has had a couple of strokes from brain bleeding. It has affected mostly his memory, but even he knows he has trouble with his finances. My sister and I have power of attorney which dad agreed to. So I make sure his bills are paid and his finances are in order. We make sure he has $500 or so walking around money so he can spend that as he wishes. Other than that we need to know about it. He had a problem with a former girlfriend taking advantage so we had to step in. We have a lawsuit about that going to court soon.

    We plan on moving him into a retirement home soon, they are building two bedroom cottages, around 900sq ft, that look very nice. He will have a kitchen and washer/dryer, but can get all his meals provided and maid service once or twice a week. The place also owned the assisted living center next door if he needs more care in the future.

    hopefully this will give him more of a social life and make things easier on my sister as she lives closer.

  9. #79
    Senior Member dmc's Avatar
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    Thankfully the kids never came back after they went to college. So except for a little financial help here and there at the start for cars or rent, they have been on their own.

  10. #80
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    DMC, the cottage for your dad sounds really, really nice. I wish my parents would consider moving to something similar.

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