Sandwich generation thread

[freshstart]

if I knew how much money my parents truly have, I never would've signed on to buying this relatively expensive house with them. I would've suggested an addition to the paid off ranch they had and made modifications to the BR for her illness. But they were so disorganized, I just believed them at the elder law attorney meeting who felt they had enough. Well, sure if my dad is saying my mom will still get his whole pension when he dies. Just by being disorganized and failing to make a few phone calls to verify their situation, my dad has made things very hard if he passes first. My parents both came from nothing and had no guidance what to do with basic finances. They muddled through, hopefully that will work out ok.

[dmc]

When my Mom turned 60 she had my name put on her accounts in case I needed to pay bills because my Dad was too sick to handle it. Then when I moved away she put my sister's name on the account. I have left instructions for both sets of our kids and we have dealt with the final arrangements/expenses so one last thing they won't need to do.

I opened a bank account for my dad and had my sister added to write checks as she is close by. She uses that to pay for anything that he may need. Dad took car of his funeral arrangements years ago, but of coarse I don't know where the paperwork is. He already has his plot and stone. And he has a life insurance policy that is still in effect. It still listed my mom as the beneficiary. She passed away 20 years ago. I was able to change that.

[TooSweetForMe]

My parents were realistic about money and never secretive. About 3 years before she went into a nursing home, my mother called me to her town and she and I met, along with my brother, to review her finances. We placed our names on her accounts as co owners, at her request.


and while this last thing isnt a good idea for many people and situations, it worked out ok for us.

Are you talking just bank accounts or all accounts (electric, cable, phone, etc)? I am on Mom's bank account because I am the one who writes the checks out and pays all the bills on the computer and other accounts have a copy of her POA naming me as her POA for everything, so I have no problems if I have to call with questions. Her insurance companies and SS/Medicaid also have copies of her POA along with her Drs/hospital.

[iris lilies]

Are you talking just bank accounts or all accounts (electric, cable, phone, etc)? I am on Mom's bank account because I am the one who writes the checks out and pays all the bills on the computer and other accounts have a copy of her POA naming me as her POA for everything, so I have no problems if I have to call with questions. Her insurance companies and SS/Medicaid also have copies of her POA along with her Drs/hospital.

I dont know if my brother, who lived in my mom's town, had his name on her utility accounts. I guess in this day, one has to have a name on the account to make changes.

[freshstart]

I'm always saying negative things in here about my parents, well, this week I won't. I've had a persistent stomach bug that combined with the POT syndrome I have, has made my blood pressure very low because I just can't drink enough and I keep falling. My dad, even in his state, has been helping me when he can. He also went to the grocery store without me asking and got all the stuff you need for a stomach bug- popsicles, etc. My mother keeps calling me and checking in on me. They are both very sweet and despite their limitations, willing to help even when it's hard for them.

My dad started cardiac rehab. He said it's killing him because of his hip pain, but he will not give up. I'm so proud of him. He's been through so much. He's been driving himself which is not good because he can't turn his head, hopefully I'll be back to normal soon and back to driving them everywhere.

[TooSweetForMe]

I dont know if my brother, who lived in my mom's town, had his name on her utility accounts. I guess in this day, one has to have a name on the account to make changes.

You're right there. Before they had the POA's and my name was on the account, every time Mom would get me to call or something they would want to talk to her before they would tell me anything. But as more places started having account access on-line, it got easier for me to make changes.

[BikingLady]

The Oak Tree, that is the topic currently with Dad. The 100 plus year old tree in the front yard. Since I was little Dad would say it would fall in a storm and land on his bedroom while he was sleeping and kill him. I know, how weird to tell a kid! Well the tree drops twigs often and he tells me every single call about picking up and filling the yard waste bags. My thought is great gives you something to do! I finally say YOU want it down? My guess is a $2,000. Oh I guess not he says, so we go back to the forever complaining of the lovely old tree.

That' today's vent

[ToomuchStuff]

The Oak Tree, that is the topic currently with Dad. The 100 plus year old tree in the front yard. Since I was little Dad would say it would fall in a storm and land on his bedroom while he was sleeping and kill him. I know, how weird to tell a kid! Well the tree drops twigs often and he tells me every single call about picking up and filling the yard waste bags. My thought is great gives you something to do! I finally say YOU want it down? My guess is a $2,000. Oh I guess not he says, so we go back to the forever complaining of the lovely old tree.

That' today's vent

The John Cleese move, would be to offer to have someone come over and cut the tree weaker, so it would fall on his bedroom at night, if that is what he wishes.

[BikingLady]

I understand That tree is part of the old oaks in the neighborhood called "Colonial Woods". Honestly my thought is please let that tree out last Dad for so many reasons. The last day I leave my childhood home forever, I want to drive out and look at that tree one last time.

Each day I try to remember the saying I read that parents listened to the child recite the ABC's over and over, now it is the Child's turn to listen over and over!

[BikingLady]

Today was the day after letting dad think about IF he wanted a his drivers license renewed and he said yes. I took the drive there and then the hour wait at the Sec Of State. Honestly he should not have been given a license. The kind lady had to help him understand the eye test, explaining he was looking for green flashes of light, not once but 4 times! Helping him by telling him there were more letters to read! Showing him where to sign. UGG. When we left with the renewed license, I smiled and said he does not really drive. Kind lady said I know it the need he feels for it.

This left me feeling WATCH OUT if you see an elderly senior on the road! I however had a nice time and knew the days like this would not happen again.