Is your dh an actual hoarder?
one of the things that makes it so hard to clean out the stuff is that sometimes the hoard comes in useful. There is joy in being able to produce the thing.
Is your dh an actual hoarder?
one of the things that makes it so hard to clean out the stuff is that sometimes the hoard comes in useful. There is joy in being able to produce the thing.
Clutter is the result of lack of executive function. You can decide to clean out the closet, but can you execute the action that follows a decision?
Hope you have a wonderful time on your vacation, IL!Originally Posted by iris lilies
I admit that I sometimes pull the random thing out of my a$$ if someone asks me for it. At Christmas when the kids come down, they're aways asking me, "Mom, do you have___?" "Do you have any ____?" And I seldom disappoint. My son asked me for something specific once, and I said "Yes, I have it." To which my DIL said, "Of course she does!" I guess meaning my house is like a bag of tricks. The living spaces aren't cluttered at all, but I do have a "useful" basement that holds things like boxes of any size that one may wish to use for wrapping, school papers for the kids going back to the early 80s, Halloween costumes I made for them, reusable bags for shopping, backpacks, snowsuits in varying sizes in case someone comes in December and isn't prepared to play outside. My daughter was looking for advice on how much of a raise she should ask her boss for, and I pulled out a box of every paystub I ever got--a legacy of where my life energy has gone.
But I don't consider myself a hoarder. I don't accumulate stuff or go on spending sprees for trinkets. I just have held on to the things that might come in handy "just in case." I save real ribbon (not plastic) but not aluminum foil. I purge my clothes closet all the time, but I still have the sweatshirt with the two hearts on it that I happened to be wearing when my daughter was born unexpectedly on the way to the hospital. That particular item will never "come in handy," but I still find it hard to part with.
I know "it will come in handy" is the hoarder's prime excuse, but sometimes it IS true.
Oh, and I do have a drawer with a few universal chargers for traveling.
"Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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The hoard comes in handy only if you can find what you need. Since we moved and are still in some disarray, looking for things is a daily occurrence.
No, he is not an actual hoarder. And I have a lot of tolerance for all of the stray building supplies we have lying about in our basement, in our garage (which is Piled to the top and every square inch is used ) and the building materials that are in our spare house. That is stuff that he might avtually use, eventually.
But I have zero tolerance for his inability to get rid of clothing. There are things he never never wears, he has not worn them in decades, it makes me crazy. Last week I had a little Rant because his friend brought him yet another baseball cap and yet another t-shirt from Palm Springs. His friends always bring him baseball caps and T-shirts when they go on vacation because DH watches their house or drives them to the airport or feeds their cat or etc. My meltdown was about the 12 baseball caps he has now. He has them hanging on an antique chair in our living room. He does not need 12 baseball caps.
But then a couple days later I counted the number of caps and it seems like he got rid of some, it was down to six or eight. More likely he just stashed half of them away someplace.
The difference between being a hoarder and collecting a ton of crap is psychological. It is primarily about brain function and control.
my uncle is an alcoholic. My dad drinks a lot. A LOT. Like he averages 4-5 drinks a night. Possibly more.
when my dad was planning surgery and his doctor told him his drinking could create issues with the anesthesia, my dad scheduled the surgery for 8 months out and didn't have a drink again until after his recovery. Even in a house full of alcohol and many social drinking situations. It was easy for him.
my uncle lost his wife, his daughter, and his house. His health and the house he was living in deteriorated. He nearly lost his business. He knew the drinking was the problem and he still couldn't stop until he was hospitalized.
hoarding is expressed in many ways. My major hoarding trigger is waste. I hate retail stores. Not a fan of shopping - except at thrifts and garage sales, I love the idea of finding a thing that nobody wants anymore and extending it's useful life. It's hard for me to buy something new if it isn't exactly what I want. I see the purchase of a high quality lamp on sale for $30 that matches the room and fills a need for light but I don't particularly like it as exactly the same waste of money as $30 worth of plastic dollar store toys.
building the addition with me is hard for dh. we had a huge fight this morning about the construction waste, use of time, and the definition of trash. But it is just as much a struggle to get me to agree to buy outdoor lighting that is "ok" as it is to get me to stop washing out the disposable plastic paint trays. (Made from 100% post consumer recycled plastic - he really does try to meet me more than halfway.)
For me - at this point in time - clutter is laziness. I wouldn't have half the clutter around here if I wasn't too lazy to take care of it.
To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi
Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. HH Dalai Lama
In a world where you can be anything - be kind. Unknown
Clutter to me? Sign of "I don't care" "I can't make decisions to manage" "I can't let go" "but I paid for that" "I don't want to deal with it"
I don't do clutter so you see, I can't understand it.
I have a friend who said once "there is an art to clutter". I tend to agree with her in that I have seen clutter in other peoples homes that did have a somewhat look of art to it. Me, it just looks messy when I have clutter. I don't like it and have always tended to deal with it pretty quickly.....except for that odd back room I have...hummmmm....
"Like a bird on the wire, like a drunk in the midnight choir, I have tried in my way to be free." Leonard Cohen
DH is not a hoarder but he is a collector, namely of comic books. For the most part, I have been fine with it though it but it did pose some challenges whenever we moved as well back when we were renting, we had to find an apartment large enough to house that stuff. However, now that we are considering moving out of our current home in the next few years, he realizes he has way too much and no way does he want to move it again. So he's finally going through it all though I have to remind him to keep at it as in he does like to delay decision making.
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