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Thread: My son is looking to move out

  1. #21
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simplemind View Post
    Maybe I missed something but I read "When I signed this lease (with him on it)" as Zoe alone signed the lease stating that he was on it as a tenant, not as being financially responsible.
    Yes, thats how I read it too. He has an obligation toward his mother, not to any landlord. She is on the hook for the rent, if we,are understanding this correctly.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zoe Girl View Post
    I am kinda stressed, I don't want to hold him back if he is ready to move but when I signed this lease (with him on it) I talked to him about making that year commitment. He pays a couple bills and part of the rent increase of $75 a month, and I still struggle to pay my student loans.
    So is he on the lease or is he not? If he is on the lease, he has a business agreement. If not, he's 20-they change their minds on a dime.

  3. #23
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    Even if he is not on the lease, he has a verbal agreement with his mother. So really, the question here is, is he a man who keeps his word, a child who can't be held accountable, or someone who backs out on his commitments when they become inconvenient.

    my son is 23. I would ask him that question.

    my daughter is 20. I would tell her that when we made this agreement I was counting on her to be a woman who keeps her word. That while as her mother I would like to make her life as easy as possible, as her housemate I am depending on her to make rent, so unless we can find a mutually acceptable subleaser, I can't release her from her commitment.

  4. #24
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    I would lean more to: strike when the iron is hot, or I'd let him move out when he had the urge OR ... I'd fear he might never move out! Seems the way things are especially nowdays. The last thing in the universe I could have been convinced of was being an adult when I was a young was living with my parents.
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  5. #25
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    I really don't want him to get stuck in life, and the first move out is not as neat and smooth as it is as you get older and more experienced in predicting expenses and life. My oldest moved out3 times before she learned enough about roommates and got transportation settled (she has always been good with money but Denver is harsh). I have seen however with her friends the reality of parents kicking them out, it isn't pretty and not everyone ended up okay.

    I am more settled right now with whatever happens. He is talking to me and it would take time to make this change. Then I could put the word out to the meditating community for a roommate if needed. If he needs to bounce back then he can see dad,

  6. #26
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ApatheticNoMore View Post
    I would lean more to: strike when the iron is hot, or I'd let him move out when he had the urge OR ... I'd fear he might never move out! Seems the way things are especially nowdays. The last thing in the universe I could have been convinced of was being an adult when I was a young was living with my parents.
    That's exactly the way I see it. My neighbors' 40-something son is still living with them. Unimaginable to me.

  7. #27
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ApatheticNoMore View Post
    I would lean more to: strike when the iron is hot, or I'd let him move out when he had the urge OR ... I'd fear he might never move out! Seems the way things are especially nowdays. The last thing in the universe I could have been convinced of was being an adult when I was a young was living with my parents.
    His girlfriend lives there, too, so that sweetens to pot of living with parents.

    I think its great that the three of them make this work. But it is also great that he is ready to stretch, and move out. This gives Zoe Girl options she has not had before.

  8. #28
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    That's exactly the way I see it. My neighbors' 40-something son is still living with them. Unimaginable to me.
    My 55-yr old BIL living with his mother until she died 7 years ago really disabled him in many ways. OTOH, my cousin lived with his parents for several years in his 30s-40s to save money while he built a business. In an example of good karma, he recently took his mother in to live with him, as she can no longer live alone.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  9. #29
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    It's such an "it depends" situation, in my opinion. Two of my sons took off on their own super early and have been living on their own or with roommates ever since, very happily and never asking for money. One of them got married and moved into her house,then divorced and out to an apartment, and then bought a house. One of my sons moved in with us after college and we kind of weaned him out by about 3 months, I think, and we helped him find a place which he paid for. From then on, he has lived with his girlfriend, now wife, very happily in a range of apartments and now they own a house.

    I think it so depends on the kid and the economic realities of the situation. As we all get older, it depends on our health and needs, too, like Catherine's cousin.

    But I like when families can depend on each other and help each other, but also live the way they want to live. It can be a delicate balance. We gave the two home-owning sons cash for a small downpayment on their houses. We will give the third the same when he is ready, but he lives in a horribly expensive area, and so we may just give him the money to do something else, like invest. . .

    I try to be fair and do the same with each kid.

    But now, I don't work full time and am semi-retired and two of them make more than I do, so the direction of aid may change. . .

    I just figure we are all connected for the long run,and it is not a landlady-renter kind of situation, it will always be family. But each member of the family needs to be sure things are fair and it's not one way.

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