Depression and anxiety are common when going through menopause. CL: it sounds like maybe you could benefit from counseling or meds. YOu have set such high standards for what you have to accomplish everyday that no one could do all that. It makes me tired just reading about it)
WOW... I would be down if I had all that hanging over my head!!! Might be time to downsize... animals, etc.
YOur DH is lucky that you host his terrible parents. I second the recommendation to get away for the weekend if you can. Actually your husband sounds like a great guy but I think it is too stressful for you to have his parents at this time. Hugs
It's the needs to be done vs optional that is my struggle - everything that "needs to be done": the housework, the laundry, supplying people with food, arrangements relating to my son's upcoming wedding (the bridal shower, finding an appropriate dress, arranging a brunch we have already invited people to), planning for my fall classes (it's the planning and prepping formal curriculum and handouts for the open house that I dislike), hosting people, eating properly, even remembering to brush my hair before I leave the house, is what is wearing me down,
and the "optional" - my chickens, my class, the goats, the garden... That usually builds me up that is making me sad because it's all going wrong and I don't have enough time and energy left for it and nobody else cares.
i don't want to go anywhere! Going is one more demand. My kid accidentally left home with my credit card today, and I am so grateful, because now I can make her get the groceries! I have a class on Friday afternoon. My in-laws are coming in Friday evening. I have actually lied to everyone about when the class gets out. I'm just planning to stay at the pottery studio really late. Because I just can't face my in-laws and dinner.
i don't really even want to paint the addition any more. I should be doing that today, and I'm just not. And dh will be upset.
You really need to take D3! It can really help with depression, if you're low with it.
And I agree about simplifying a bit. I know it can be hard, but it might help a lot!
Great idea to avoid the inlaws on Friday. My DH has a garden and plants that I could care less about. If I had to take care of them they would be dead. I think the things that used to bring you joy are not because you have to much to do. If you could swap the things you like for the ones you dislike that would be great but I know that is not realistic. Only you can decide what needs to go on the chopping block. Or maybe take a break from the farm animals for a year and then the next year decide if you want to do it again. Could you hire someone that needs the $ to finish painting the addition?
Your expectations are not aligning with your reality - getting stressed, tired, not sleeping or eating well are the results. Can you reduce your expectations somewhat? Can you order or simplify the food prep rather than make it all - one example?
Forget about the painting for now. Prioritize what needs to be done and do just the top three might be another option. If anyone says anything, hand them the list of priorities for him/her to take over some of them if that is possible.
As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”
You need someone in real life you can talk to about this, counselor or family member, someone who will take seriously the threat of, if not yet actual, depression, run interference for you, help you set boundaries. I would also recommend a retreat vacation, or telling people you are on vacation and not answering your door, phone, etc. My mother went through a nervous breakdown due to working nonstop day and night and being a perfectionist. Caring for yourself is critical, and hopefully you will find others to care for you also.
I was thinking of this when you posted a few weeks ago about how gathering your entries for the fair was a chore.
I wanted to tell you then, and will tell you now, that maybe you could consider different ways to follow your passions.
Different ways are: visit the fair, but dont take entries. Just enjoy it as a pure spectator for a year. Or take only 3 entries, your top 3.
Think about quality over quantity in all efforts. Have one chicken and keep her in the back porch ( I know, this is probably is ridiculous because chickens are so messy.) But you get the idea. Cut down in the number of goats you have. Same for the garden, this year anyway because it sounds as though it is finished for this year. Does Roundup work on Poison Ivy? For hour pottry class, relish the things you learn, even if you will not be able immediately to put them to use. Will you ever be able to put them to specific use? Maybe, maybe not, but your mind was expanded in class and that is a tangible thing if not a thing you can hold in your hand.
This is "simplifying" but in a way that allows you to continue to have and experience the things that give you joy.
I remember the days when I used to run around like a maniac, cutting and grooming iris for shows. It took me several years to give up the bad practice of bringing a stem of every cultivar that was open. i entered 50 +stems some years. madness! Many were not first rate and what is the point of dragging in a specimen that isnt blue ribbon quality to show it?So now I am judicious in my garden when identifying stems to go to a show. i STILLmiss faults and end up with 2nd and 3rd place ribbons, but that is ok, I feel mich more at peace in the time leading up,to a show and I am more proud of my entries. And I very seldom earn a 4th place, those low quality entires dont waste my time any more.
+1Originally Posted by iris lilies
There is a lot of wisdom in iris's words here.
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