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Thread: Becoming authentic

  1. #271
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    Cl, Good for you for not doing the guilted job! NO is great word when followed by actually not doing the thing you said NO to. Good luck on the dinner negotiations. Since husband said you had too many irons in the fire, seems like dinner making is a major iron that can be reduced but because it affects him I'm betting he wasn't thinking that was an iron you should remove! good luck. Getting rid of the programming of our lives is hard.

  2. #272
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    Itís not the females responsibility to see that the males have food. Everyone is grown up. Cooking should be a choice. The one who has time to ask if thereís a plan for dinner, should simply make the plans for dinner.

  3. #273
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    The conflicts I see on this are:
    Reasons I should be in charge of dinner:
    - food is one of dh love languages
    - He works more hours and makes more money than I do, so equity involves me contributing more in other areas
    - and in the summer I do not work away from the farm. So, I have more time “available”

    reasons I should not be in charge of dinner:
    - I hate it and it exhausts me and stresses me out out of proportion to the actual task.
    - I am not a good cook and dh doesn’t like many of the things I make
    - I am a vegetarian and have difficulty planning and preparing meals that are not (ties back to the first two)
    - most of the time I don’t care if I even have dinner, it is an interruption more than a need to me.

    i am sure this is not an iron dh thinks I should remove, and yet, it is probably the one that would have the largest impact for me.

  4. #274
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    If the person feeding me was a lousy cook and I didn't like most of the meals they served up, I wouldn't be feeling the love much. Perhaps you could renegotiate, explaining how much you really loathe the task.

    Maybe you could learn to make extravagant weekly desserts for him?

    Also, considering the benefits of even partial fasting, I wouldn't be eating if I weren't hungry.

  5. #275
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Yeah, your list of reasons to/not to cook are why DH and I often fend for ourselves. I used to be a terrible cook, but thanks to my becoming vegetarian years ago and then reading Michael Pollan, I am now an "accidental cook." I can tell what recipes should yield a good result and I'm good at following directions.

    I love soups and stews because as long as you throw in a few nutritious, fresh ingredients and the right seasonings, you have a lot of bang for your buck and it usually tastes much better than the packaged versions. But I admit, the whole cooking thing exhausts me to think about, too, and if I'm working a busy week, frankly, I don't eat, or I graze. A handful of nuts here, a slice of cheese there. DH will nuke a hot dog.

    But that doesn't change the fact that DH is a foodie and I am not; he "lives to eat" and I "eat to live"; he can't get through the day without at least one hot dog and a half a pound of cold cuts; like a little kid, he HATES his veggies. And while he really is an excellent cook in general, when it comes to fresh vegetables he has no idea how to cook them.

    I really think you should somehow come up with a strategy that breaks the link between the two of you cooking for each other.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  6. #276
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    A friend of mine bought a book called a months cooking in one day. Basically it revolves around just a few types of meat that you turn into a bunch of different dishes and then put in the freezer. Then you could just heat up and feed to him. It has cut down their eating out after work because she is tired. Yes and why does it always fall to the female to cook?

  7. #277
    Simpleton Alan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    A friend of mine bought a book called a months cooking in one day. Basically it revolves around just a few types of meat that you turn into a bunch of different dishes and then put in the freezer. Then you could just heat up and feed to him. It has cut down their eating out after work because she is tired. Yes and why does it always fall to the female to cook?
    It doesn't always, I'm the primary cook at our house, probably 6 nights each week.
    "Things should be made as simple as possible, but not one bit simpler." ~ Albert Einstein

  8. #278
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    It has cut down their eating out after work because she is tired. Yes and why does it always fall to the female to cook?
    because otherwise the only choice seems to be eating out, that's why I try to cook, but it's exhausting.
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  9. #279
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    My son and son-il both cook. In our family it seems to fall to the person who is home before 7:00.

  10. #280
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    My DH does all the cooking.

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