Becoming authentic

[nswef]

I just want to help whichever kid is currently in front of me. I love this statement. Sadly there isn't always time to do that as there are 25 others clamoring for help.

[Chicken lady]

Yesterday I overheard one of my students talking to another student.

The first student is one who came in with a life plan at the beginning of last year that reflected a lot of stuff in her life that isn't good and a lack of information on her options. It took me several months to get her to trust me enough to even let me give her information.

the second student I'm still trying to reach. But the first student was reaching back, because she was saying "....you don't know that. You can't just write college off. There's a lot of different colleges that can help you with all kinds of things. I wasn't going to go to college, and now I am because of (chicken lady)"

"it makes a difference to this one."

[nswef]

That's great, CL. Those successes keep you going.

[Chicken lady]

I am starting to feel stressed about my schedule and all the things I want to do.

i am still managing bedtime and my sleep well.
i am still making time to sit with my coffee in the morning (but I feel like I should get up and do something)
i am mostly keeping up with the kitchen so that I do not face a mess in the morning.
i am cooking and eating healthy food.
i am keeping up with my chores, except - yesterday I forgot the milk in the freezer and broke a jar, and I skipped brushing the rabbit. I will brush the rabbit this evening.

i added the food bank back into my schedule yesterday, and today I am going to start exercising again (tu/th morning - 45 minutes on the bike, but maybe 30 this first week)

i think it was the milk and the bunny that did it. They are small things, but they are triggering the voices in my head about how I am irresponsible and unable to manage my life. And I have been letting my pottery slide the last two weeks.

i need to tell myself - in the last two weeks I had an open house for school, my son got married and I hosted a brunch for 30 relatives in my house with four extra people sleeping in my house, I taught my first week of classes, and I subbed for two extra classes. And I also started volunteering again, planted the last two crepe myrtles yesterday, did all that stuff on my list, kept up with the trash and the recycling, and didn't let anybody run out of clean clothes.

and my friend stopped by Sunday afternoon. Which was nice, but also an unplanned event in a fully planned day. (Bumping my crepe myrtles)

i think I need to spend my coffee time thinking about all the stuff I accomplished the day before instead of all the stuff I need to do in the coming day.

[nswef]

I think I need to spend my coffee time thinking about all the stuff I accomplished the day before instead of all the stuff I need to do in the coming That seems to be VERY productive CL, to focus on what you have done. I am exhausted just reading the list. You have 5 major daily routines you are developing and doing. I'd give myself gold stars for each one! Breathe my dear and stop berating yourself. Much easier said than done, but worth the effort.

[JaneV2.0]

I think I need to spend my coffee time thinking about all the stuff I accomplished the day before instead of all the stuff I need to do in the coming That seems to be VERY productive CL, to focus on what you have done. I am exhausted just reading the list. You have 5 major daily routines you are developing and doing. I'd give myself gold stars for each one! Breathe my dear and stop berating yourself. Much easier said than done, but worth the effort.

Chicken Lady's lists always exhaust me, too. I focus on one or two "must-do" items, and if anything else gets done, hurray for me. I acknowledge my reality is affected by being retired, though.

[Chicken lady]

But chicken lady needs a list to remember to eat. What would my two item list say? "Eat" "go to bed"?

I mean, most other people clean up their kitchens, right? How many of you just do that without putting it on a list and when you get up to get breakfast there is a clean space on the counter? Probably most? I forgot to look at my list before I left this morning, and I forgot my lunch. As in, I never packed it.

[JaneV2.0]

But chicken lady needs a list to remember to eat. What would my two item list say? "Eat" "go to bed"?

I mean, most other people clean up their kitchens, right? How many of you just do that without putting it on a list and when you get up to get breakfast there is a clean space on the counter? Probably most? I forgot to look at my list before I left this morning, and I forgot my lunch. As in, I never packed it.

I've had "clean kitchen" on my to-do list forever. I expect it will be reasonably clean when I move. Today's to-do involves getting the garbage/compost to the curb.

[Chicken lady]

When I write "clean kitchen" I pretty much mean "remove random objects, school work, laundry, dirty dishes, leftovers and mail from food prep counter."

[Chicken lady]

Tuesday I had caffeine after dinner for the first time in a long time. Tuesday night I woke up in the middle of the night with an anxiety attack - for the first time in a long time. Hunh. (The scientific method requires me to repeat the experiment, right? -lol.)

Yesterday I washed the sheets and last night I was very tired and I asked dh to help make the bed at bedtime. He did, but he looked at me and said, very matter of fact "I hate making beds. It's one of my absolute least favorite things." Message recieved, make bed when not exhausted, ask dh to do something else.

more importantly, messages NOT internalized, I did not react by internally telling myself what a failure I was and how I was dissapointing him and putting him out. I just thought "ok, next time I'll make the bed earlier and whatever I don't get to, I'll ask him to help with that." Inner peace - one chore at a time.