We have 2 TV's and when I go to bed he can either do the same or go watch TV in the living room. This is non-negotiable. I get that you do his lunch because he works for pay more then you do. However, i would have to say I think you actually work as much or more then him between farm chores, paid work and house work and meals.
It's funny, everytime, everywhere I being this up, people get fixated on me making him food in the morning. I don't mind making him food in the morning. I mind being tired.
I fix his breakfast and pack him lunch not because he works more than I do, but because i love him, because it makes him feel loved and cared for. Because the lunch I pack is healthier for him than what he would buy. Because not having to go out for lunch sometimes means he comes home to me earlier, and because (although he doesn't care about either of these, it is cheaper and lower in environmental impact.)
while i I was painting, I was trying to imagine my ideal Wednesday. It does not include painting ceilings.
but it would start with waking up (well rested) in time to have a quiet first cup of coffee in a clean kitchen before packing dh lunch and fixing him breakfast. I'd have some more coffee while he ate breakfast and we had a short conversation about the day ahead, then kiss him goodbye, get dressed, and head out to do morning chores.
that was really as far as I got, but it's a good start.
You need to do what works for you as we all do but getting sleep is important for being all that you can and want to be.
I fully understand and agree with the breakfast gift of your effort.
In the '5 love languages' book, gifts of service are one way of showing love as are (2) total attention, (3) small actual gifts, (4) touching and (5) words of affirmation. Different people see demonstrations of love in terms that they value and if you can figure out your partner's favourite way of confirming, you are very wise indeed.
As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”
One of the coolest things my husband does for me every morning is make coffee. I think it is so sweet, and his coffee always tastes better than my coffee, and when he is out of town, it doesn't even feel like a new day, without his pot of coffee.Originally Posted by razz
Chicken Lady - have you tried napping in the afternoon or evening to help you get enough sleep? DH gets up early for work, 5:30ish, but always takes a nice long nap after dinner to get in his sleep. On the days he doesn't, he really feels it and is tired and run down.
The trouble with napping is that it tends to reset me either too much (I then can't go to sleep at night) or not enough - I wake up groggy and the rest of the afternoon/evening is shot.
also, in two weeks I'll be working during "nap" time 4 days a week. It's really a bedtime problem.
today I was tired after painting and wanted to skip giving the boy goats their August dose of wormer (again)
I channeled my Avett bros. song (decide what to be and go be it)
i told myself "I am a responsible farmer. Would a responsible farmer let the goats get two weeks behind on medication? No." So I wormed them. It wasn't as hard as i anticipated.
Chicken lady -
I honestly don't care if you make him lunch or not.
But here's the thing. Many times you ask about how to manage all the things in your life. And when people give suggestions about what to eliminate to simplify your life, you have reasons to keep everything.
Then a month or two later you again ask what to do about all the things in your life ...
and around we go.
I think you don't like to give anything up. But then you're exhausted.
There is no answer where you get to keep everything and also get to not feel tired.
I wonder if you're a 7 on the enneagram. They love all the things, all the experiences, all the possibilities. But they also feel all the stress ...until they learn to close the door to certain options in order to have some boundaries around everything.
Tammy, I understand what you are saying, but in this case, I already had an area I felt needed to be worked on to solve the problem - bedtime. And the response immediately centered on morning.
Last night dd was talking to ds on FaceTime. At 9:30 I told them goodnight, and then I told dh (who was lying on the couch with his computer) that I was going to bed and not to come up until he was ready to turn everything off and go to sleep. And he followed me up with no computer.
The alarm went off at 6. I'm still feeling a little tired (and sore) because I was so worn out yesterday, but I was awake enough to manage utensils. Also, the kitchen wasn't clean because I talked to my boy and then went to bed instead of finishing it off last night (dd cooked and dd and dh washed the pots and pans, but there were a few too many plates fof the dishwasher and there are about 15 minutes of "goes in another room" lying around)
normally I would have mindlessly wandered around the house putting things away in a stupor because I was tired but little physical effort was required. I would have become distracted and sidetracked in various rooms, and the tidying up would have ended up costing me about 45 minutes of sleep.
i do think I get to keep everything. But I understand that I can't have all the everything all the time, so I am trying to figure out what "moderation" looks like for me. I think most of the stress is self-inflicted and I need to work on my attitude. Unfortunately the exhaustion comes from my brain refusing to accept that it is no longer working with 17 y.o. equipment.
I'm going to linger a bit with the coffee before chores.
You have solved the sleep problem if you can keep to a schedule and have an agreement with DH that no electronics when you are trying to sleep. when I was a SAHM I made my husband's lunch because I had the time and he worked long hours. However, I made it the night before so I did not have to get up in the AM. Also I had the coffee pt ready to go so all he had to do was hit the on button. I put the mayo etc on the side so his sandwich would not get nasty. I do agree with Tammy that you are addicted to doing too much and then getting frustrated when you are tired. I did that when I was younger but as I have aged I have focused on making my life easier and simpler so I have time for the things I truly want to do. For instance I value spending a lot of time with my 4 doggies so walking, playing, grooming them are priorities for me. Dusting a million objects not so much which is why I have trimmed down in that area a lot. When I was young I just did it all. I like you sometimes get behind in the kitchen stuff and have a full sink of dirty dishes with a full dishwasher. When that happens I realize I am just sick of the task.
Last night I did not sleep well. I was up for over two hours in the middle of the night. I got an email from someone I love late in the evening. She is in a heart breaking situation and all I can do right now is remind her that she is loved. There are many things I want to do, but I have learned not to barge into people's lives and start implementing plans they have not requested.
the dirty dishes are not bothering me at all.
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote