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Thread: Becoming authentic

  1. #161
    Senior Member Williamsmith's Avatar
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    I know this thread belongs to you CL and I read it and some of it I understand. I coached baseball for many years. The game can be used to teach life lessons. Some of the kids picked up on it. Some didnt. The ones that didn’t are the ones who break your heart. The last one became a heroin addict. Then he became a thief, a burglar, and an armed robber....in that order. When he was arrested I wanted to go visit him in jail before he got sent to state corrections. I know he would have needed someone to mentor him. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t want to expose my family to him when he gets out. I am done with being exploited that way. But I don’t feel authentic. I feel kind of counterfeit. I have the team pictures from back when they were innocent and unblemished. Some of them I want to turn the clock back and have an intervention. But they have to be authentic too, right?

  2. #162
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    WS: I think you gave enough when you were both working and volunteering. Some people never give at all. With the passing of 2 of my friends that needed a ton of help their last few years I too have backed off from helping a third. I go visit her 2x's/month and bring her lunch and she does have another family that helps her. I got so burnt out so decided I needed a break. Nothing is wrong with that. I really admire CL for her devotion to her students.

  3. #163
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    Yes Williamsmith, I am learning, and is hard for me, that they have to walk their own paths. I cannot make their choices for them, and I cannot force them to make the choices I would like. I can only show them that they have options and facilitate those options or not.

    there are so many situations where I struggle with that counterfeit feeling - large and small. “If this is what I really believe than what should I actually be doing?” But sometimes I choose to be selfish. We all choose to be selfish at times but somehow knowing that doesn’t make it feel right. Any more than knowing that if you do not choose to be selfish the world will happily take all you have and leave you for dead. (I actually loved the “giving tree” book when I was small and self centered and identified only with the child. And then, in elementary school, I realized what he was doing to the tree. And from then on I hated it.)

    my student did did not come to school. Her best friend has not heard from her.

    i bought and ate a bunch of individually wrapped candy.

    “choose someone else lord...”

  4. #164
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    My student called a grandparent. She is going to a residential program for the weekend and will be back Tuesday. I had the somewhat surreal experience of administration pulling me in to discuss her reentry in a “what do you think” approach that was far more “ we want your advice” than the “we are willing to hear your opinion” I am used to.

    the person I was in junior high and am in many ways still, is sitting in the back of my head whispering that this is wrong and the natural order of things has been disturbed and I am going to be sorry if I take it at face value.

    It has been a long week and I am tired. Dh brought me dinner.

  5. #165
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    Someone stole our credit card information so we have no credit card for the next ten business days. Extremely inconvenient especially the timing.

    but worse - my broken starfish had motive and opportunity, and the timing, location, and type of purchases are circumstantially damning. I know the odds of the person being caught are non existent, but I want them caught so they can not be her and I can hate them for making me think this.

  6. #166
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    So this morning dh got an e-mail receipt for one of the purchases through square. Which means the person had a facsimile of the card. Which is beyond my starfish.

  7. #167
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    WE have 4 cc's so if one gets stolen we have more. Someone once took flying lessons in Virginia with ours. Never have we actually lost the card but they got the info anyways. I read it can happen at a business where an employee is a thief.

  8. #168
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    So this morning dh got an e-mail receipt for one of the purchases through square. Which means the person had a facsimile of the card. Which is beyond my starfish.
    Well, that is good, at least.

  9. #169
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    And then she got expelled for trying to sell drugs.

    the student who took her place in my class (I have a wait list) burst out singing “om” in the middle of class today. And all the other boys joined him and wove harmonies. And it was beautiful!

    i have scheduled the crying for after dinner.

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