Page 21 of 29 FirstFirst ... 111920212223 ... LastLast
Results 201 to 210 of 285

Thread: Becoming authentic

  1. #201
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    3,127
    So I managed chores and dinner and a conversation with my youngest child (who needs a lot of emotional support lately - she’s going to come home for the weekend) - funny aside, I asked her which room she planned to sleep in so I could make sure that there were sheets on the bed, and she said <excited> “you’re going to put my sheets on for me? I’m a guest!” Yes love, you’re 21 and you pay rent somewhere else. You’re a guest.

    Thing i didn’t post yesterday was that I nearly started crying again yesterday in the hall after school, telling another teacher about the boys who got expelled. This loving other people’s children thing is really hard. Because sometimes they are gone and you know they are not ok, and you don’t even have any way to know if anyone is helping them.

    Also in the conversation my daughter told me she and some friends were discussing the use of terms like sweetie and honey, and she told them “I hate being called honey because “honey” is what my mother always called other people’s children when she was disciplining them. And my friends were like <horror> your mom disciplined other people’s children?! And I said yeah, she would touch them on the shoulder and say things like honey, please use your inside voice and honey, did you see that there is a line right here? And honey, please don’t climb on that, it’s rusty and I don’t want you to get hurt.” I told her “I still do that. Somebody has to stop the next school shooter.” Dh says one of these days i’m going to face a very angry parent.

  2. #202
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    8,783
    I stopped a boyfriend from calling me "honey" when I told him he could just as well substitute "dummy." "Watch out for that puddle, honey..." Thinking back on it, he probably was just trying to avoid calling me by one of his many other girlfriends' names.
    At any rate, I've always hated the term. I'm with your daughter.

  3. #203
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    4,127
    I was a social worker for 4 years with abused kids so I know how you feel worrying about kids that aren't your own. fortunately, I raised my kids in an era where everyone in the neighborhood disciplined each others kids and no one minded. Many kids now days are totally out of control and I don't want to sit by kids in a restaurant, etc because of the awful behavior of many. When we cruise we always go when school is in session so not a lot of kids except where parents have pulled them out for the trip. Cruises have recognized that people don't want to be bothered as kids are not allowed in adult pools and hot tubs and those areas are separated so you can enjoy these things without hearing screaming kids.

  4. #204
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    3,127
    I have been swimming. I have been swimming longer and longer and longer. Tonight I swam 2000 meters. I am realizing it is not exercise, it is meditation, or possibly just escapism. I have ear issues, so i wear fancy earplugs to keep water out - they also keep out sound. The pool plays music, but all I can hear is my breathing. I have very poor vision, so even with goggles, I can barely see the lane mark on the bottom of the pool and that is all. I am "alone", wrapped in water, I count laps, I don't want to get out.

    When I finally do get back to the car I am so relaxed, but by the time I got home almost an hour later tonight I realized I was driving with one hand and the other was clenched in a fist.

  5. #205
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    1,956
    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    I have been swimming. I have been swimming longer and longer and longer. Tonight I swam 2000 meters. I am realizing it is not exercise, it is meditation, or possibly just escapism. I have ear issues, so i wear fancy earplugs to keep water out - they also keep out sound. The pool plays music, but all I can hear is my breathing. I have very poor vision, so even with goggles, I can barely see the lane mark on the bottom of the pool and that is all. I am "alone", wrapped in water, I count laps, I don't want to get out.

    When I finally do get back to the car I am so relaxed, but by the time I got home almost an hour later tonight I realized I was driving with one hand and the other was clenched in a fist.
    To what do you attribute your tension in your life?

  6. #206
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    3,127
    Off the top of my head, in order:

    A. The pain in the lives of my students that I cannot fix.

    B. Events and practices in my community, country and world that I feel I have no influence on/control over.

    C. the voices in my head telling me I am failing at everything.

  7. #207
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    4,127
    CL: you are not failing. You are setting impossible goals that no one could do. I can really relate to 1 and 2. Hugs)

  8. #208
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    1,956
    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    Off the top of my head, in order:

    A. The pain in the lives of my students that I cannot fix.

    B. Events and practices in my community, country and world that I feel I have no influence on/control over.

    C. the voices in my head telling me I am failing at everything.
    You sound like you are suffering--do you think you might be depressed? this does not sound like a good place to be.

  9. #209
    Senior Member Rogar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    2,478
    Some time ago I read one of the books by Dr. Amon, the man who does the brain mapping talks on PBS, usually during their fund raisers. He identifies something he calls "ANTS", or automatic negative thoughts. One of his points is that it's not so much we have negative thoughts, but we get into a loop where they needlessly play over and over in our mind. I know I get these and to some degree when I get into one of those loops and am aware of them, they can be controlled to some degree. I can't say that I am an expert on the matter, but some of his self-help books may be of value or at least worth exploring.

  10. #210
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    3,127
    Yes, there is some depression. Yes I am working on the negative thoughts. Dh is very good at helping with this.

    (me “i’m Sorry I suck at dinner.” Him “you’re actually a lot better at it than you think.” - if you are thinking that’s not much praise, it’s almost too much to be believable, unbelievable is useless.)

    i actually have some relevant training at a level above self help books. I am very good at seeing depression in other people, pointing out false or misleading beliefs, talking to them about ways to take care of themselves, etc.

    but when it is me - my mental side kick is right there undermining me “oh please, your life is amazing, what do you have to be depressed about? You’re being melodramatic. You’re not actually suffering, other people have actual depression, you’re just a lazy hypochondriac”....

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •