Becoming authentic

[Tammy]

And every time your husband has a chore that he hates so you do it for him, then you get to tell him of a chore that you hate so he does it for you in the future.

Just keeping things equitable.

[Tybee]

We do both make an effort to try to share the least favorite chores at our house. For some reason, mine that I always seem to get stuckwith is emptying the dishwasher. Well, also filling the dishwasher.
I was out of town for a week and my husband said "My God, I had not idea how much you do around here, I promise, I promise I will do more!"
So maybe go out of town!

[Chicken lady]

Tammy, as that was previously my chore I don't think that is going to work. If I give him half my chores, do I have to take half of his? That will probably go badly as most of the division is based on skill sets. And I don't really mind making the bed except when I'm really tired and I just want to lie in it. It goes faster w/two people.

both of us find "keeping up" easier when the other person is gone. Dh is naturally neat, so he is not faced with random piles of abandoned belongings and projects everywhere he turns, and I mostly stop cooking and so have very few dishes (I eat raw fruits and veggies and nuts and milk and chunks of cheese and bread)

he has agreed to cook once a week, he has been helping with the dishes and menu planning, and I am trying to keep things picked up. Honestly, he is doing better, but I have further to go.

[iris lilies]

And every time your husband has a chore that he hates so you do it for him, then you get to tell him of a chore that you hate so he does it for you in the future.

Just keeping things equitable.

Scorekeeping and tit for tat treatment in marriage is a recipe for unhappiness.

I think CL handled this well in that she didnt internalize her husband's request for "no mas bed linen servicing. " That is the main point of her post, it is not about another task that her DH unfairly sticks to her.

I myself am working through a "not good for my marriage" issue which I will probably report on when I come out on the other side, hopefully in a few weeks when my decision has "stuck." This one has been very tricky for me. Stay tuned, haha, as if anyone cares. But it is about being authentic, the title of this thread.

[Chicken lady]

Iris lilies, i thought i posted a reply!

Do please share your journey with us if it helps you. I care.

And yes, that was exactly my focus on the issue.

I went to a arty thursday night. By myself. This is. Huge, huge thing. My oldest chid stopped by an hour in to get her dh's books from my car and gave me a hug and told me how proud she was of me (and then gave me a litle nudge to go back in because i think she could tell i was abut to tart asking her to stay.)

It was a kick off party for a kickstarter campaign - the studio where i take classes is trying to raise money to install a new, high efficiency gas kiln. The intent is both environmental and overhead, but they can't afford the investment up front, and are trying to do it this way so that they can freeze prices on firing and school field trips (for ten years!) instead of having to raise them because of a loan. (or rising energy costs)

I won two kiln loads of firing in the "small" electric kiln playing roulette! That is several hundred dollars worth of firing, and it allows me to use high fire studio glaze (i do have to pay for the glaze, but it is very reasonable) basically, i got a huge discount on an expanded opportunity in my work that i have considered several times, but never been able to justify to myself. It feels likethe universe is signing on to help push me toward my goals.

Now i have to do my part and buckle down and produce the work to take advantage of this opportunity!

[mschrisgo2]

Wow! I love when the Universe aligns and shows us our paths!

[Chicken lady]

So i slept "late". - woke up at 6:45, and have been sitying here by the window with my coffee as the sun opens the woods. (trying not tothink about things i want to do to change the view (vine off that tree, native flowering tree there, branch out of the yard.....)

Dh is still sleeping, so i am trying not to bother him, but in a few minutes i'm going to go get dressed and do chores. I would like to hang some hooks in my laundry room for chore clothes so i can do that on days like this without bothering him.

I have too much planned for today, so i'll see what i get to. It is almost all fun or at least satisfying.

Reflecting back on the last two weeks -
my son got married and i had a lot of company.
i have added back my job.
i have added back a minimal exercise program.
i pushed myself to get out of my box and attend a social event.
i have vastly improved my sleep schedule.
i lost two pounds.
i have begun a routine of cleaning up my kitchen every night.
i have gone back to helping at the food bank on mondays.

Many nights i have been exhausted by bedtime, but i am sleeping well and even on the short nights (party Thursday, teach friday) i am only tired in the morning and able to throw myself into my day with interest if not always enthusiasm. And i have done this without losing notable ground anywhere important. (interestingly, dh, who is now helping with the cooking and dishes and feeding the cat more, keeps saying "i'm so tired")

I have yet to figure out where expanded time for my art is going to fit into this picture, but i am feling optimistic rather than discouraged. All that *I* have left to do on the addition is the staining/sealing of trim and the "hold this/hand me/bring me"s. then also the final "moving in" which will be fun!

Oh, almost forgot to add a really big step for me. Enrollment where i teach is "at will" either the family or the teacher can remove a child from a class at anytime with the only reason required being "i don't feel that this class is a good fit for this child at this time.". I have NEVER removed a child from a class. My approach has always been to add to my workload until i made the class work for everyone. I once had a kid who was expelled after being tossed out of every class but mine and i was still fighting to work out a way to keep her.

On friday i went to my administration about two children. I am now participating in the "create a paper trail" plan to present to the first child's parents in two weeks when we "suggest" she move back to a younger group (where she belongs - or leave) and the educational resource specialist will be attending my class next week to see if SHE can offer enough support to allow the other child to attend my class without me having to do significant adaptation.

I also made the decision to allow one of my classes to be cancelled rather than teach it for significantly reduced pay, even though it means two kids will not have any art classes this year.

Some starfish are too heavy to throw by yourself.

[Chicken lady]

Yesterday i got in an hour and 45 minutes of work in my studio. But i did not make cookies. Dh got no dessert today. (he did not complainbut he does realy like dessert. He will probably buy poptarts from the vending machine.)

I m starting to try to annalyze where i spend my time. As that should be a reflection of my values.

There are 168 hours in a week. I want to spend 56 of those sleeping.
112 hours.
I spend 8 driving toand from work and 22 actually at work (although i am only paid for 18 of those. That does include time to eat 4 lunches every week and 2.5 hours of unpaid, in classroom planning time)
82 hours.
i spend about 14 hours a week on basic care of the animals.
68 hours.
about an hour and 40 minutes a week making dh breakfast and packing his lunch.
66 hours 20 minutes.
4 hours a week at the food bank including commute.
62 hours, 20 minutes.
2 hours, 20 minutes to clean up the kitchen every night.
60 hours.
currently 1.5 hours a week on exercise, althoughi would like to increase that to at least 3.
58.5 hours.
so, that leaves 58.5 hours a week for eating, personal care/hygiene, increased exercise, additional class prep, pottery, talking to my family on the phone or computer, doing stuff with dh, other internet pursuits, errands, appointments, reading, yard and garden work, housekeeping and laundry, cooking and baking, extra barn/animal work, friends, hobbies, and anything i forgot.

I need to figure out where those Hours are currently going.

So far this morning i got up at 5:30. Made lunch and breakfast, did morning chores, got the poundcake in the oven, and got on the exercise bike (where i am now). If we got to 8:30(when i will still be on the bike) that is 3 hours, of which i have accounted for 2 hours and fifteen minutes.

The rest of the time was spent drinking coffee online, eating breakfast with dh, and wandering round the house doing i have no idea. I o think the quiet coffee in he morning is important though, and i am willing to allow 30 minutes for it. It usually includes checking my mail (and sometimes replying) and checking in with my online (anti)hoarding support group.

I need to pay close attention to when i am online doing things ("killing" time), vs. doing things online.

[razz]

Having time to simply think is very important because that is the time for the mind to create and evolve your future. Set some hours each week for just thinking/dreaming as it is just as important as food and sleep.

[Teacher Terry]

CL: it might be better to only do volunteer work when you are not teaching like summers. It would free up some time. Instead of your kitchen being your dumping ground for random stuff is there an extra bedroom you can use? I love that you have a table set up for your paperwork. With a schedule as packed as yours you should never berate yourself for missing something. Also time to just be and think is really important.