Or self determination, or something.

learning who you are and standing up for that.

i couldn't figure out where this should go. I thought about putting it in relationships because one of the problems that I'm having in this area is that I tend to define myself in terms of relationships. Daughter, wife, mother, teacher, friend, even as an artist I define myself by the responses of other people.

But it's not about the relationships, because the problem is coming from within me. So I picked here because the subtitle about inner simplicity is exactly where I want to go.

for example, I want to do a pop up sale at an open house on August 19th. Doing this is going to require some studio time. Which is not a bad thing - I want to spend time in my studio. So I see the sale as motivation - a deadline to work toward. Except I'm not in the studio.

because I know dh wants me to finish painting the addition. But I woke up sore this morning from painting the addition, and I am kind of hating it right now. I decided I would take turns painting and working in the studio.

except, I'm not in the studio because I feel guilty about not painting. And I lined up a partner for the sale today, so there is even more pressure to get into the studio. And I am creating arguements in my head for dh about how I now have this partner (external commitment, relationship created to justify what I want) so I need to be in the studio.

except I'm not in the studio, but neither am I painting. And really while dh would like me to be painting, he tries really hard to be supportive of my work, and he would understand about taking turns. He has not said a word about me spending time in the studio. The guilt is me projecting on him and then responding to something I made up.

what he won't understand is me sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea and spinning my wheels online instead of painting OR working in the studio.

and I'm not sure I understand it either, but I want to stop doing it.