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Thread: Becoming authentic

  1. #131
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    Heart daughter is doing somewhat better.

    i am in over my head with my students.

    [i posted a lot of details about that but then felt uncomfortable because if someone who worked at my job read it they would probably know who I am, not because of misconduct or child identifying details - although I guess that same person would know who the children are too. Basically - The kids have problems I am not equipped to handle. We do not have staff trained to handle these problems. Sometimes I feel like I make the problems worse simply by not knowing how to help when help is sought.]

    i am staying home all day today. I am going to focus on my critters and my clay. I started a new class from a fantastic teacher and he gave us a lot of homework.

    i have to remember the whole story about the starfish. The boy cannot throw them all back. He will have to rest. Some of the starfish aren’t going to make it and that is not his fault. And he will be most effective if he picks up only the starfish he has the best chance of helping.

    Triage doesn’t always mean starting with the person in the worst condition. Sometimes you look at the tools you have and the problem that needs to be solved and you move on. I am neither a surgeon nor a chaplain. Most of the time I feel like the guy who grabbed the medic’s half used gear and kept running after the medic was killed.

    clay. Chickens. Maybe fire.

  2. #132
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    I think you are at a private school but wondering if you have a social worker? Some states don't have school SWer's but some do. Also if you have any special education teachers they should be trained on problems with kids, etc. Sorry the kids have so many issues. It is sad.

  3. #133
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    We have a school counselor. Some of what I deleted was about her. In short, she is not a resource. That will not be changed by the administration.

    We do have an educational resource specialist who has been a great help to me with “special needs” kids.

    what I need is someone to help me help the kids whose “special needs” involve bad choices, bad (but not reportable) families, and incarceration and mental illness in their immediate circle. That SHOULD be the school counselor. But see first statements. the actual team is me, the other art teacher, and one social sciences teacher.

  4. #134
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    Oh CL that is terrible. So sorry for the kids and the teachers that care.

  5. #135
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    I took a mental health day. I decided I didn’t have the creative energy to do my homework even though it is “fun” stuff. Minimal chicken time. Pleasant fire inside rather than big fire outside.

  6. #136
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    Congratulations on the mental health day!
    I think those are going to be crucial for you as you deal with your current students.

  7. #137
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    Hey CL, i hear where you are coming from. The situations our kids are in are often so difficult. I realized in one rough year that i also couldn't talk about it for privacy and because i was freaking out friends who didn't do this kind of work. If you ever want to private message talk about it let me know, i have a lot kept private in my head

  8. #138
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    Yesterday evening I finally got to my homework for pottery class. It did not go well. I don’t know if the problem is that I am out of practice (I’ve been hand building rather than throwing for months) the new clay, the stress (I found myself holding m6 breath and my shoulder is so sore this morning), or what.

    i am trying to treat myself gently, as I would my students - i’ve totally got the new coning technique, I did really well with the new pull in the first stages, i’m getting better ribbing the surface smooth ...

    but what I see is a huge pile of clay that has to be reworked, and 5 pots - only one of which is (barely) acceptable to turn in.

    I need to practice. I have a really hard time prioritizing that because it is just for me. Me practicing is of no benefit at all to anyone else. It will not even result in an improvement of my work that will make a significant contribution to our finances.

    i came back in from the studio and cried.

    i just feel “tapped out” in a way I haven’t since my kids were tiny. I contributed to a kickstarter and I got an email yesterday asking me to answer “a few simple questions” (name and shipping address) to get my reward, and my gut reaction was “NO” as in, I just don’t want anyone to ask me to do one more thing

    i worked at the food bank yesterday. One of the regulars had just left with chest pains when I arrived.
    Last edited by Chicken lady; 10-24-17 at 7:10am.

  9. #139
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    Cl, sounds to me as if this class is just what you need. A reason to practice what you love JUST FOR YOU! If you don't fill the well, there's nothing left for anyone else so fill your well with clay practice. The world will go on without you for a few hours.

  10. #140
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    Ah, CL... Please be very gentle with yourself. You have just completed a 2 year-and-8-month heavy push and focus on the addition to your house. You all enjoyed being in that space Sunday evening. It is natural to feel a letdown when something big has been accomplished. And that letdown expresses differently in different people. I see yours as not wanting to be pushed to do anything right now, including homework for your pottery class. Plus there may be a little bit of- guilt? - about "selfishly" using time for yourself- and you get to have a whole lot more time now. This is what you've been working towards, time and space, and ease in your life. Take it slowly, embrace it one step at a time.

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