Becoming authentic

[Chicken lady]

When I finished giving everything the first coat of primer yesterday, had a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

which is a nice shift from being sick of painting.

today I worked in the studio. I was having a really good time, and then a few things started going wrong, and I realized I had gone from "making things" to "trying to get things made". So I took a step back. I need to wrap some work before I go to bed tonight, and tomorrow I will go back to "making things" and whatever gets done for the sale will be done.

i did take the time to set up a drying rack with a fan today - something I've wanted to do for a long time. Unfortunately I over dried a few things because I didn't realize how well it would work (part of the things going wrong) but used judiciously it should save me a lot of wait time.

i'm not sure what I'm going to do with the stuff I took off the rack, but at least some of it is probably headed for the kids' "going, going, gone" list. It turns out that after 16 years I'd rather have my drying rack than a handmade (by my children and their friends) 24" deer hide drum.

[Williamsmith]

Part of my learning curve since retiring has been realizing I am setting my own strict goals on a daily basis and driving myself to achieve them at the sacrifice of quality and joy for the sake of just .....getting it done. In other words, I make these artificial expectations that neither serve my happiness nor my sense of who I am. I tend to stop and evaluate why I wanted it done in the first place and instead of forging on.....some times I'll understand it wasn't "necessary" in the first place and focus on another thing or just take a break.

That's a result of years of task oriented work that never sees an end......like carrying more criminal cases than you have work hours in a week. Especially when the case represents someone's misery as a victim and their need for closure. I tend to look at my to do lists now as an "etch-o-sketch"......if that makes any sense.

[Chicken lady]

There is an Erma Bombeck piece in which one of her adult children asks to borrow something and she says no, because he didn't return (a,b,c,d) that he previously "borrowed. He then offers to trade her two of the previous items for the new thing.

i am reminded of this because my older daughter really wants me to keep the drum here. She offered to take two bins of her belongings that I previously agreed to store for a few years in order to "make room".

I am getting rid of two large lamps.

i finished two large clay items and 20 small ones. Plus a few small prototypes that I think are worth producing, so if I make another, I could finish the original for sale.

I baked cookies today. And made a nice dinner, and other stuff.

tomorrow I will paint.

[Tybee]

I hope this doesn't sound mean, I am not trying to be, but since this your thread is about being authentic, have you shared with your daughter your strong desire to rid your environment of extra stuff? I know you don't want to hurt her feelings, but this does not seem very supportive on her part, to bring more stuff. So in the interests of being authentic, can you discuss with her why you don't want/or cannot at this time store her drums?

[Chicken lady]

She is very supportive of me clearing out my space. She is proud of me for the progress I am making. But there are a couple of factors around the drum.

very few "things" are important to her.
she sees it as something to be "here" - a part of her childhood she would want to share with her kids.
she would probably be willing to take the drum and schlep it back and forth to create that experience, but I don't want to push that
because
my son in law is also a hoarder and he is farther behind in the struggle and when I send things to her house it increases his stress and their conflict and I understand where he is on his journey and I want to help and support them.

i may take her up on her offer to take the bins though - they are plastic bins with plastic washable toys that she could store in her basement which has some problems with dampness (although she bought a dehumidifier yesterday). A deer hide drum, not so much.

[Tybee]

She is very supportive of me clearing out my space. She is proud of me for the progress I am making. But there are a couple of factors around the drum.

very few "things" are important to her.
she sees it as something to be "here" - a part of her childhood she would want to share with her kids.
she would probably be willing to take the drum and schlep it back and forth to create that experience, but I don't want to push that
because
my son in law is also a hoarder and he is farther behind in the struggle and when I send things to her house it increases his stress and their conflict and I understand where he is on his journey and I want to help and support them.

i may take her up on her offer to take the bins though - they are plastic bins with plastic washable toys that she could store in her basement which has some problems with dampness (although she bought a dehumidifier yesterday). A deer hide drum, not so much.

That makes so much sense, and of course she should take the bins, and it's great that she thought of it.

[Williamsmith]

CL, I give you huge credit for your willingness to share these struggles and victories. I think a lot of people read what you write and see parts of them going through the same issues, perhaps at different intensities....but the same root problems. And I think examining these things helps other people. You might not get that feedback but it should be accepted as fact.

[Teacher Terry]

CL: I would keep the drums too for her. It sounds like they will be used and enjoyed.

[Chicken lady]

Wow! If Teacher Terry thinks I should keep it, I should definitely keep it! (That is meant in fun. Even if you were Ultralite, it would be meant in fun.)

Williamsmith, thank you for the positive feedback.

i should also mention that I have started shifting my list around a little instead of going strict top to bottom. For example, I have been painting, but am now resting and may spend half an hour or so trimming pots (easy, comfortable, seated work before I Ho back to it - skipping ahead to "pottery" even though today's "painting" isn't done.)

and I have been worrying less about dinners. So far, no one has starved.

[Teacher Terry]

CL: you made me laugh out loud) When I cook I like to make enough for 2 meals so only have to cook every other day and also to make some simple things for when I am tired, busy or just plain lazy. I have never really enjoyed cooking unless I am making a special meal for someone that I know loves that meal.