not comparing, okay comparing

[Tammy]

I think it's time for you to let go of all of your personal goals related to this job, and to simply follow the organizational goals as they are given to you.

I reached that point in my career. It's not really about me. It's about the organization.

So what if you speak for 30 minutes and someone else speaks for two hours - if you let go of those ideas it won't even matter anymore. You will feel more peaceful and your time away from work will be your time again - instead of thinking about work so much.

[iris lilies]

Zoe Girl, what happened to the mentor who was guiding you last year? How did that work out? What did/does she tell you about this situation? Are you continuing that relationship?

[Ultralight]

It is just a really hard time of year...

Judging by your posts it is always a really tough time of year.

I am not being snarky in saying this. In fact, I would suggest you write down at the end of each day for a year your feelings on your ob/the work day. Then on the 365th day read through those entries. I bet you will see what all of us see on here.

What would you see? That this job and your expectations of it consume you. This job crushes and mangles you emotionally.

I care about you. So I am suggesting you emotionally divest from this work.

[Ultralight]

I think it's time for you to let go of all of your personal goals related to this job, and to simply follow the organizational goals as they are given to you.

Amen to this!

At my work, before meetings and performance reviews and so forth, I write this down on my pad of paper:
D.E.B.
D.T.

What do these mean?

Don't Even Bother and Don't Talk

Why do I do this? Because briefly, some time back, I would try to suggest and advocate for better practices and better policies. I would try to create a better work environment and to increase productivity and efficiency and so forth. I had lots of ideas and I would not just suggest ideas, but I would work to try to get them implemented. But no one ever listened or cared. Silly ideas would gain traction and good ideas would get dismissed (not just mine). I was wasting my breath.

So now I get most of my job satisfaction from simply knowing I was right internally. By this I mean: The bosses will come up with some cockamamie ideas, they will implement them with fervor, they'll repeat mindless slogans over and over, and then at the end of it the whole idiotic thing will fail. Then I will say to myself: "Ultralight, you were right."

Very satisfying by comparison!

This is why we had like 4 "re-structures" in 2 years at my work.

The inmates are in charge of the insane asylum. It is best to just get out of their way and collect your pay.

I reached that point in my career. It's not really about me. It's about the organization.

I actually think this is about you (not the organization). Divesting emotionally will save your sanity.

So what if you speak for 30 minutes and someone else speaks for two hours - if you let go of those ideas it won't even matter anymore. You will feel more peaceful and your time away from work will be your time again - instead of thinking about work so much.

Amen to this too!

[Chicken lady]

Here is my take on my job - it's not about me, it's not about the organization, it's not about the parents, it's about the kids. And if one of them had a better year because I was there, and I didn't harm (by which I mean discourage, delay, etc - I would never physically hurt a student) anyone, it was a good year.

where I work, some of the kids give "teacher gifts" and some don't. I have one student who brings me a handmade card every Christmas and spring telling me what she is glad to have learned that semester. I have them in a file for bad days. It's one of my favorite gifts.

[Tybee]

CL, that is a lovely gift. And you are right, that it is completely possible to be in a less than perfect organization and still do good work, and still enrich the lives of our students.
I think Tammy has the right idea about getting in a mindset that does the job as required without fighting the organization or requiring it to give her affirmation of her value.
Some workplaces are so bad that this is difficult,or bad because they are requiring you do to do something that goes against your values.
I guess a lot of the challenge of work is figuring out where those lines lie.

But as CL points out, if you can focus on what you are really giving, the nurturing of the kids, then that is a whole lot better place to be.
But if you want to be doing training on a professional basis, then maybe keep going with that, look for work outside of the organization you are in.

[Williamsmith]

Speaking from experience and having not one wit of research behind me, having been a grunt and not a supervisor my entire work life.....human resource management usually fails when they place employees into categories like grading out livestock at the county fair.

I always considered my supervisor as a potential facilitator in making my job easier or a potential royal pain in the arse. I manipulated them accordingly. In my mind, all management has written off at least 3/4 of the work force as either totally disengaged or just getting by. The small percentage they deem as innovators are either newbies or haven't been screwed over yet. This is a constantly changing boiling pot. Some places are boiling over. Some just simmering.

Therfore, the excuses management provides for choices they make, policy they enact, etc......that was their game and best to steer clear. Define your worthy mission and get things done despite your leadership.

[Zoe Girl]

I do appreciate you all responding, and I can refocus on the kids when they are back. Already I am signing kids up for clubs and meeting them at the playdate we had so that is very encouraging. I have girls who want to run! I am very excited about that program and I am keeping up running so I can do the 5K with them. I am with staff today and tomorrow so that is also something that encourages me and helps me be positive.

IL thank you for remembering the mentor. I am not sure this year, for awhile she was in my direct line of supervision so I did not see her as a mentor. This year we have some changes and so it is possible, we did have one really crappy conversation but I don't tend to let that take over a relationship. In our crappy conversation she really talked over and interrupted a lot, I understand looking back more of the context, however one of the things I would like to learn is how not to get talked over!

Ultralight, I appreciate what you are saying is trying to be helpful. I am not wired that way. So if I can't make progress in this department or district I will see if I can get enough resources to start my own organization or company. My mother did that when she hit this in her career, going back into a career when kids got older she hit some roadblocks of people not wanting to hire her, not respecting the extensive work she had done as a volunteer as job skills, etc. So she started a non-profit and ran a senior daycare for 12 years. She is still working a little at 74 and loves it, However the 3 women I know who have done something like this are all married or partnered, ie. the rent is paid and they have access to health insurance. If I can pull it off I will need every one of my current work contacts to network with, so no burning bridges.

[nswef]

Zoe I think you've gotten some good advice here. Having been a teacher for 31 years I watched many excellent people be overlooked. Especially excellent substitutes. The system LOVES good substitutes and doesn't want them to move into teaching staff because it costs! Money and ego run all of it and if you can do as some suggest and focus on the good you do with the kids it might help. You will get validation from them and perhaps your co workers. I was lucky to have an excellent team of teachers who got me through the awful times, but once I realized I couldn't change the system and just did what I felt was right within those guidelines...life was easier- plus a good counselor! I feel for you and your deep frustration and sorrow.

[Zoe Girl]

Zoe I think you've gotten some good advice here. Having been a teacher for 31 years I watched many excellent people be overlooked. Especially excellent substitutes. The system LOVES good substitutes and doesn't want them to move into teaching staff because it costs! Money and ego run all of it and if you can do as some suggest and focus on the good you do with the kids it might help. You will get validation from them and perhaps your co workers. I was lucky to have an excellent team of teachers who got me through the awful times, but once I realized I couldn't change the system and just did what I felt was right within those guidelines...life was easier- plus a good counselor! I feel for you and your deep frustration and sorrow.

Thank you nswef. There is a lot of emotions with this, not just how many hours I get to do training. It was very painful to get praise everywhere I went as a sub, and then not get interviews or jobs. The financial part is not a small part either, I lost my house, declared bankruptcy, and started working in my district at $13 an hour to survive. And as a sub you don't make friends, you don't get that social system in place, as a single mom I was quite lonely and vulnerable. I really like the idea that maybe some teachers noticed me (hey all my sub jobs were by personal request) and they would have liked to teach with me. Okay this totally made me cry, ..