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Thread: Changes are a comin'!

  1. #1
    Senior Member Geila's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011

    Changes are a comin'!

    Well, I'm not getting much work done today. I'm supposed to be cleaning the house but I keep thinking that since we have company coming next week I might as well leave the thorough cleaning for then.

    I'm a bit nervous because of the nature of the visit and the changes it brings with it. Dh's brother and his son are coming to visit and dh's nephew will remain here for 4 months with us. He is looking to make a cross country move and will be here job hunting and getting a feel for the area. I've never met him. He's in his 30's and single. Housing is crazy expensive and hard to get here, so renting is not much of an option for this length of a stay. Plus, dh would never be able to suggest it.

    I will be setting up the newly created sewing room as his room. He can use the table as a work space and still have room for a bed and nightstand. The guest room will be left open for guests since we seem to get lots of them. I'm not too bummed about losing the sewing room since I literally just set it up the day before we were asked to host.

    But I am nervous about how his presence will change my level of freedom in the house. With it being just dh and I, I can do anything I want, in what ever I want. I never have to worry about propriety or being over exposed. And I like not having to talk to people if I don't want to. Having someone here, without a car, will make that challenging. And I'm guessing I will feel compelled to offer him rides to places even though at 30+ years of age I figure you are responsible for yourself. His stay is a weird length - too long to be without a car and too short to warrant getting a car, and too expensive to rent for the whole time. Thank god for Uber and Lyft!

    And then there's the whole meal thing. Dh and I are really casual, specially during the week. There's always plenty of prepared food available and the fridge is always stocked so we never feel like we have to have a sit down meal or wait for the other one to get home to eat. Now I will feel some pressure to have regular family meals, at least for a while until he gets his bearings. At that point I plan on letting him know that he's responsible for his own meals.

    And the visit will be during the SAD season, which might complicate things.

    Ok, just needed to vent and get those thoughts out of my head and into the universe in the hope that it will make me feel better.

  2. #2
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Central Jersey
    I know how you feel. We've hosted my DS/DIL for several months and we also have had BIL camping out in our guest room for a few months.

    The one thing that they had in common was they pretty much stayed to themselves--more than I expected. It was almost weird. They were no trouble at all.

    As far as meals went, I'm like you--we don't eat formally, and DH and I enjoy completely different types of food, so we just eat what we want when we want. It didn't take DS/DIL or BIL long to figure that out. Sometimes if we were making a real dinner, we would invite them, and they would either say yes or no. I never felt that inhibited really. In fact, I felt worse for them, because we have one full bathroom that has two doors--one to our bedroom and one to the hall. So it was probably slightly uncomfortable for them to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night because they were so close to our sleeping area.

    I think your setting certain ground rules right up front (i.e. meals, any household responsibilities, etc.) is a great idea. So nice of you to host him. I'm sure he'll really appreciate it.

    And just keep in mind, this too shall pass!
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    I'd explain to him up front how the meal situation normally works in your house.

    i get the space invasion thing! We've had dd home all summer, and parts of it have been lovely, but when she left for work this morning, she told us she is going straight to a friend's house from work tonight and will be home tomorrow afternoon. My evening feels so peaceful...

    i also had a friend stay in my studio barn one summer so she could go to Grad school. I loved having her around, but her kids were here every other week, and I had to buy bathing suit tops for gardening when her boys were around (I usually just strip down to shorts and a bra)

  4. #4
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Ontario, Canada
    What would you expect of a paying roomer? Set the same ground rules giving him some input to their development. He may be as nervous as you are and wondering how to handle the whole situation correctly.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  5. #5
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Saint Paul, Minnesota
    Quote Originally Posted by razz View Post
    He may be as nervous as you are and wondering how to handle the whole situation correctly.
    This. As my first wife would tell you, I'm a horrible mindreader. I would much prefer a nice little conversation sometime in the first day or so that discussed house rules: meals, expectations of rides, your expectations for quiet hours and room cleanliness and (umm) guests and such. It may be no more than "we don't care" or "just use your common sense" but I'd rather the topics were approached up front than have to wonder about it.
    If Americans expended even a fraction of the energy on civic engagement that we spend on consumer ideology, our democracy would be much healthier. Can you imagine people camping out to vote? -- Charles Roberts, Amherst, Mass., Nov. 25, 2006

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