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Thread: Obituaries

  1. #1
    Yppej
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    Obituaries

    I'm dealing with one pesky ailment or another. The latest is horrible eyestrain so I have trouble wearing my contact lenses. My eye exam a couple months ago showed everything normal.

    So I remembered my dad used to read obituaries to make himself feel good that he had outlived people younger than him. I started reading and the opioid epidemic hit me. Young man after young man - 20's or 30's - died suddenly, died unexpectedly, died at home, no mention of employment, no mention of a medical charity for an illness in lieu of flowers, private ceremony.

    It did not make me feel better.

  2. #2
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    I'm seeing some obits from slightly older people I knew from work. Dying in your 60s now seems young.
    But I also applaud the obituaries which seem more open and honest, specifically those which acknowledge a life partner/same-sex spouse - something not seen here 10-15 years ago. Also fun to read those with a sense of humor - remember the one lady who mentioned a "back-stairs lover" in her pre-written obituary? Hilarious.

    My only nit is those which describe the deceased's "courageous battle against [cancer, other disease]." Does anyone ever say they fought a half-assed battle, or declined to "fight" at all?

  3. #3
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lainey View Post

    My only nit is those which describe the deceased's "courageous battle against [cancer, other disease]." Does anyone ever say they fought a half-assed battle, or declined to "fight" at all?
    I guess my take on that is when people see how loved ones approach a terminal disease, it can be inspiring and life-changing for the loved one as well because all of a sudden you have a front-row seat to that journey. I think anyone with cancer or other terminal illnesses are courageous by definition.

    In terms of reading obituaries, I read them for the opposite reasons. I have actually saved obituaries of total strangers that I found inspiring. I remember there was one woman who died in her 90s after being a teacher, and then after retiring she traveled to places like Nepal, learned Chinese, took art classes, etc. etc. Everyone has a story, and too often we don't learn about how remarkable people are until they're dead and they get their 3 minutes of fame in the obituaries.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  4. #4
    Senior Member CathyA's Avatar
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    I check the obits in the Sunday paper every week. I tell DH that we made it another week.
    I've been thinking a lot lately about what it feels like to "not be"....especially when one health issue after another keeps popping up.
    This whole trip is so puzzling to me.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    A few months ago I wrote my good friend's obituary. We had been friends for 15 years and I was her guardian because her family were all dead. I had to research to fill in some items that I knew about and did not know the specifics. I did not have a service for her because there was no one to come. As her illnesses progressed all her local friends dropped by the wayside. However, her good friends in San Diego are having a service this Sunday so I wrote about our time together so it could be read at the service. MOst of the people I have never met and the one couple that knew me wanted me to write and they said it will be meaningful to others that attend. I wrote about some funny things and some more serious. I tried to hit the highlights of our friendship and journey together.

  6. #6
    Senior Member bae's Avatar
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    I've had to place some obituaries recently. Some newspapers are very predatory in their pricing. (And the things I could say about funeral homes...)

  7. #7
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    This couple are in the veteran's cemetery because he is a Vietnam vet. His internment and plaque was free and it cost 400 for her. WE have already signed up to do the same thing. The crematory charged 2k for that, body pickup and an urn. But it was a small town and they are the only choice. Still way cheaper then a burial. YOu can also be buried for free too. A nice benefit for the vets.

  8. #8
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bae View Post
    I've had to place some obituaries recently. Some newspapers are very predatory in their pricing.
    When my MIL died unexpectedly in VT we had all kinds of arrangements to make to get her body back to NJ, arrange the funeral, etc. I was tasked with writing the obituary, and I really wanted to tell my MIL's story about the strong, accomplished person she was. I went on and on. They said they'd call back with an estimate. So I was driving down the NY State Thruway when I got the call from the funeral home that the obit was going to cost $7.40. So I said, "Great! Run it!" "One day or two?" I considered two for a little while and then figured one would be enough.

    Good thing. We got the bill and it was $740!! My frugal Scottish MIL was rolling in the grave she didn't even have yet and shouting at me "Achhh, ya stupid a$$!"
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  9. #9
    Williamsmith
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    When my MIL died unexpectedly in VT we had all kinds of arrangements to make to get her body back to NJ, arrange the funeral, etc. I was tasked with writing the obituary, and I really wanted to tell my MIL's story about the strong, accomplished person she was. I went on and on. They said they'd call back with an estimate. So I was driving down the NY State Thruway when I got the call from the funeral home that the obit was going to cost $7.40. So I said, "Great! Run it!" "One day or two?" I considered two for a little while and then figured one would be enough.

    Good thing. We got the bill and it was $740!! My frugal Scottish MIL was rolling in the grave she didn't even have yet and shouting at me "Achhh, ya stupid a$$!"
    So I can think of at least two reasons I would have met with the editor. #1 the person that gave me the estimate said, "Seven forty." Me being in shock and grief from the death of my dearly beloved MIL, I took it as $7.40. Your quote should have been "Seven hundred and forty dollars". ... It sounds like you were taking advantage of me in my grief and my inexperience with the newspaper industry. So I won't take you to court for fraud and I won't stand out in front of your offices with a sign that says you are a scammer........if we can agree that I will meet you at $74.

  10. #10
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Williamsmith View Post
    So I can think of at least two reasons I would have met with the editor. #1 the person that gave me the estimate said, "Seven forty." Me being in shock and grief from the death of my dearly beloved MIL, I took it as $7.40. Your quote should have been "Seven hundred and forty dollars". ... It sounds like you were taking advantage of me in my grief and my inexperience with the newspaper industry. So I won't take you to court for fraud and I won't stand out in front of your offices with a sign that says you are a scammer........if we can agree that I will meet you at $74.
    You are so right. I hope to someday be that person that challenges the newspaper editor. For now, I'm still just a stupid arse. My husband is the one who takes on the world for me, and he learned those skills from my dearly departed MIL. She was the only person I know who could get a free hotel room because the pool closed an hour early. I was there. I witnessed it.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

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