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Thread: It has begun! - wedding weekend stories

  1. #1
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    It has begun! - wedding weekend stories

    So, we shall start with my mil, of course, who yesterday sent me a list of things I need to be sure to have in my purse. (Spoiler alert, no purse)

    also, she called to see what time Saturday morning she should get here "to help" (no one has asked her to help, or mentioned needing help. She got the she brunch invitation everyone rise got.) Dh said "there is no helping mom, it's catered. And don't come early because you'll be in the way."

    i swear if she comes early anyway I'm going to ask her to wash the windows on the dining porch. They could use it, I won't get to it, and she hates washing windows.

    the groom (my son) was in charge of dinner music, "stuff to throw at them" when they leave, and the marriage license. Last night the bride informed us that the dinner music is a piece off the internet entitled "wedding playlist". He's thinking about getting some confetti today (we reminded him that as they are getting married at a golf club he better call about that) and he thinks he has the license thing figured out, but it's possible they have to return it in person within 30 days of the wedding, so he's going to ask when they go to get it today, because if that's true, they're just going to justice of the peace it while they're there and have the wedding tomorrow. They might need us to come up and be witnesses. The bride then says in an "I may kill your son" tone "or we could just ask the people behind us in line." And he said "yeah!"

  2. #2
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Sounds like it's off to a rollicking start, Cl. Be sure to find the joy wherever it may be.
    If Americans expended even a fraction of the energy on civic engagement that we spend on consumer ideology, our democracy would be much healthier. Can you imagine people camping out to vote? -- Charles Roberts, Amherst, Mass., Nov. 25, 2006

  3. #3
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Hoy boy. If your son and his bride perform the actual deed in front of a JP, that could be cause for a big MIL meltdown. Some people place store on viewing a marrying couple say virgin vows. Anything else (like a "wedding" after the couple is legally married) robs them, in their mind, of an authentic wedding experience. Just saying. Not that you care about your MIL's ideas of propriety.

    There are long, passionate threads on Wedding Bee about this topic with guests complaining that they were duped or cheated when attending a wedding, only to find out that the couple got legally hitched earlier. This is, of course, a U.S.issue since in Europe it is common to have a legal city hall marriage that differs from the religious or party affair.

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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    There are long, passionate threads on Wedding Bee about this topic with guests complaining that they were duped or cheated when attending a wedding, only to find out that the couple got legally hitched earlier. This is, of course, a U.S.issue since in Europe it is common to have a legal city hall marriage that differs from the religious or party affair.
    Too long of a backstory to get into, but sister and BIL got legally married two weeks before their church wedding. It was kept under wraps because they didn't want grief from guests over this very same thing. Now OTOH, in talking to my many European coworkers, this sort of thing is never an issue because of the requirement of civil ceremony in addition to (and usually before) a church wedding, sometimes with several months in between the ceremonies. I know one guy who got married, went on his honeymoon, came back to work where we we all congratulated him and he mentioned he and his wife were now planning the church wedding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    Some people place store on viewing a marrying couple say virgin vows. Anything else (like a "wedding" after the couple is legally married) robs them, in their mind, of an authentic wedding experience.
    That would be me. Call it a reception or something else. I have declined to attend weddings when I knew the couple secretly (though it never seems to be kept a secret) married months earlier but still wants a big public ceremony so they can hit up everyone for gifts.

  6. #6
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    I wouldn't assume that a public ceremony was just for gifts, it seems that marriage with all the legal parts is not the most romantic part of the process. A celebration is not just for the couple, there are all sorts of family and friends who become connected at that point.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Greg44's Avatar
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    Co-worker is getting married outside Sunday - forecast is 100+ degrees all weekend - very unusual. His dad said well then "make it short"! Hope the reception is inside! We didn't get an invite

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    I don't know why one would assume it was any more for the gifts to get legally married and then have a celebration than to do both at the same time. I mean afterall, noone has to have a wedding at all if all they want is to be legally married ...

    And considering most people will spend more on their weddings than they get in gifts, doing it for the gifts does not even seem like a credible motive.
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  9. #9
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    I eloped and I didn't then have a ceremony after and act like I hadn't gotten married. My brother had a west coast marriage, then an east coast reception for the other side of the family billed as a reception and not a pseudowedding. Why the dishonesty, unless you have an ulterior motive? That is why I always assumed it was a gift grab. The word duped that IL used is a good one.

  10. #10
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zoe Girl View Post
    I wouldn't assume that a public ceremony was just for gifts
    Me either. In any case, why is it of any concern to anyone whether the couple chooses to do the JP thing, the church thing, or the JP + church thing? The idea is to celebrate the joining of two people in marriage. Have a party! Rejoice! Have a glass of champagne and chill.

    My son was going to JP it, but then found that one of our favorite pastors was free and so he and his wife commissioned him to marry them. I wasn't sure that I, or DH, would even be invited, because they wanted it small and private. We were invited to the Wednesday service on the Monday before. It was lovely. I was only bummed because my other 3 kids were not part of it, but that was strictly between my son and his siblings. As far as I'm concerned, I have no right to complain about how other people decide to do these things, even my children. Shoot, they're all over 30 now. They have the right and the obligation to live their lives as they choose.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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