After dancing around various symptoms for over two years, it seems this month I have finally gone full-blown into it. I am here to report that after a month of weirdness involving horrible insomnia, night sweats, night shivers, hot flashes and general discomfort just being in my body, I'm thinking it just might be possible to be driven insane by it all. Last night was particularly bad - I went a bonfire party and played a little music, had some wine, got home later than I usually do and went to bed around midnight. I didn't want to take a sleep aid (which I feel I rely on too much anyway, but that is another threads-worth right there) because of the wine, so I woke up at 2am after about two hours of sleep and have been up since then. At first I'm comfortable right when I get into bed, then right as I drift off I'm WAY TOO HOT so I throw back the covers and in 20 seconds I'm cold so I put the covers back on and then it is unbearable, stifling, chilly and sweaty at the same time, and on and on....
I finally fell asleep for about 35 minutes toward 6:15am and had the MOST horrible nightmare in which this one tabby cat I used to have a long time ago was crying and meowing at me in some random apartment I was living in. When I went to pet her to see what was wrong I noticed her collar was too tight and when I went to loosen it, her head fell off and rolled all over the floor. In my dream I was in shock at first, then I was screaming and crying. When I woke up my heart was pounding horribly and it still won't stop even though I've been doing breathing exercises. Ugh...everything is so wonky feeling.
I am supposed to spend the day with my boyfriend but right now I don't even want to see him or be with him, or be with me or anyone. I need to have a woman-cave to go to ride this thing out but I have no where to go really to be alone since the gallery is open today (my part-timer is holding down the fort) and even though I have the new shutters installed I still have no real privacy between my living quarters and the shop. Even if I stayed at home to work in the studio I would still be able to hear all the tourists coming in and I simply cannot deal with that today.
It's gonna be one long, tiring day, I'm afraid...