Dear Gella, it is not up to you to find the solution. Neither of you is right or wrong. There is a difference in point of view and it is a matter of each of you realigning your thinking to find a meeting. You will but it will take some time. You have both invested some considerable time in the marriage which cannot remain static despite how much easier it might be. You are both living beings and will grow through this.
For you the status quo was reaching the unsustainable point. He had not reached that point because the stress was not on him.
Remember that we have three levels of intelligence - reptilian which is the fight/flight, the limbic which is the emotional and the neocortex which is the rational. Strong initial response is the basic reptilian, next is the limbic and only then does the rational neocortex come into play in most humans.
What really mucks it all up is that there is an amygdala attack when the limbic or emotional response is very strong which shuts off the neocortex or rational until the emotion calms down.
Step back from all of this and do some routine activities, get some support from a counsellor as you are doing and let yourself detach as much as you can. I know that this is easier said than done but try. You do have the right to initiate change when needed. Find the tools you need to make the changes you want to see in the way that works best for you. Be willing to be surprised at your discoveries.
You chose your partner for good reasons and have continued for good reasons. That does not mean staying static but being open to growth.
Hugs!!!!