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Thread: I am "seriously" dating someone...

  1. #1
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    I am "seriously" dating someone...

    Welp... I am seriously dating someone. And I'd like your thoughts on the situation.

    She lives in IL, two states away. We talked on the phone and skyped for some time before we met.

    She is 32, has a BS in Athletic Training and an MS in Sports Management. She is a Senior Adviser for students at a university and a part-time gymnastics coach.

    We met for the first time in August. I flew her to Columbus. She stayed for a long weekend (3 days). We went to a concert in the park, did yoga at a nearby studio, went to a brunch place, strolled The Short North, I took her to a favorite Indian restaurant, and other dates.

    Then over Labor Day weekend she drove here to Columbus (6.5 hours) to stay for another long weekend. Again, we went on some dates -- canoeing on a lazy river, to see a movie, a walk around a favorite lake of mine, and so forth.

    She seems to really like me.

    The problem is that we really have nothing in common. And by nothing in common I mean we don't have anything we both love to do. What we do together are merely amusements -- like a concert in the park or seeing a movie.

    She would like to have kids but has said she'd give up on that if it meant she could secure a life partner.

    She is quite Christian; I am an anti-theist.

    She loves sports of all kinds. I think they are usually boring and even problematic, something to keep the little people distracted.

    She drinks -- wine and beer mostly. I am teetotal and frown upon alcohol use.

    Those are the big issues...

    Thoughts thus far?
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  2. #2
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    The religious issues alone might be enough to deep six it.

    I don't know how a relationship not based on common interests could last. I've tried to date guys I had nothing in common with in the past, but they never worked. The happiest couples I know have activities and interests in common. Everything from scuba diving to hiking and other outdoor stuff.

  3. #3
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    My thoughts? "Why do you do this to yourself?"

    i don't know UL. My kids say "mom and Dad don't like any of the same things, but mom likes dad and dad likes mom, so it works." But we wanted a similar lifestyle, we both wanted kids, we do enjoy doing some things together although generally one of us us really into it and the other just likes it fine and is enjoying being with the other person.

    we agree (more or less) on religion, we have compatible approaches to money, the sex is great. Those (and kids) are usually the big 4. We both drink moderately. I'm a vegetarian. He's definitely not. I'm a hoarder, he is just outside of minimalist. I've nudged him toward eating less meat, he gas nudged me toward keeping less stuff. Slowly. Over 27 years.

  4. #4
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post

    She seems to really like me.
    And what about you: do you really like her?

    I think Tradd is right that there are a few concerns about having nothing a common, particularly the religion thing...
    ...you are slightly biased against sports, and that's her livelihood
    ...she has a strong orientation towards religious faith and you have a strong orientation against it
    ...she drinks and you intentionally do not.
    ...there is geographical hurdle. How long are you guys going to spend time and money seeing each other so you can figure out benign amusements while avoiding what you both REALLY want to do?
    ...she wants kids but said she'd reconsider for a life partner... yikes. That sounds like a big compromise, especially given the other concerns.

    Unless you guys are REALLY free birds and would feel comfortable with each of you being able to spend a lot of time on your own thing--you fish while she goes to church on Sunday; you stay home and read a book while she goes to a football game--I'm not sure if that relationship is sustainable.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  5. #5
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    It is very difficult to find a woman that I have any kind of deep connection with.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  6. #6
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    It is very difficult to find a woman that I have any kind of deep connection with.
    Do you feel a deep connection with her?
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  7. #7
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Funny, in opposition to opinions here, I do not think religion is all that important, especially if you arent going to reproduce.

    I am not a believer. DH doesnt practice his childhood Catholic religion, but when I check in with him periodically about his beliefs, he is still into the God in the Sky thing. That is fine with me, I dont care what he believes.

    We are both extremely domestic in that putting down roots is important. Home and hearth, important. Neighborhood, important. But also, he is always ready to travel. I am the same way.

  8. #8
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    Why think so much about the long term? Why not just let it unfold over time into what it will be?

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    I just wonder if you can go long term while truly accepting the differences, i think there is a point where you acgually need to see value in what that other person likes or does even if it is not your thing.

  10. #10
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    Funny, in opposition to opinions here, I do not think religion is all that important, especially if you arent going to reproduce.

    I am not a believer. DH doesnt practice his childhood Catholic religion, but when I check in with him periodically about his beliefs, he is still into the God in the Sky thing. That is fine with me, I dont care what he believes.

    We are both extremely domestic in that putting down roots is important. Home and hearth, important. Neighborhood, important. But also, he is always ready to travel. I am the same way.
    I think it's possible for a non-believer and a non-practicing believer to co-exist. But when they push the boundaries into anti-believer and practicing believer, that can be different.

    But I do believe that shared values are more important than shared interests.

    And I agree with Tammy. You don't make up your mind yet as to whether she is a life partner or just someone you are currently enjoying spending time with.
    Last edited by catherine; 9-11-17 at 9:25am.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

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