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Thread: Making minimalism a deal breaker?

  1. #171
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    Feeling a need to point out that you are not conforming to a social norm does not show indifference to that norm, it shows that you are assuming that everyone you are talking to has bought into the norm and you want to be sure that they know you have not - which gives more significance to the norm, not less.

    this coming from someone who honestly misses social norms and sometimes says things that offend people because of it. For example, i have had to learn that it is not ok to identify students to other teachers as "short black hair, semi curly, brown skin, about this tall" even though it is ok to identify students as "red hair about this long, pale skin and freckles." I also don't go around telling people I don't care what color hair my students have. Oh wait, I mean skin. If you can't understand the difference in those two statements, you are unlikely to understand my original response about the way you keep telling us how you like older women.

  2. #172
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    And had she told you her actual age and had you say something like "47 sounds more appealing than 40 to me." I would guess the odds of it putting her off would have been higher than the odds of it having a positive or no effect.

    i am actually trying to help you here. Although I have no idea why. Maybe you bring out my maternal instinct. Which is not as warm and fuzzy as it sounds since my biological children tell people they were raised by wolves.

  3. #173
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    And had she told you her actual age and had you say something like "47 sounds more appealing than 40 to me." I would guess the odds of it putting her off would have been higher than the odds of it having a positive or no effect.
    We don't get to choose why other people like us, CL.

    Do I like it that the main reason women seem to like me is that I have a steady job? No. I wish it were for my stunning good looks.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  4. #174
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    No, but sometimes we modify our behavior in small ways in order to improve the chances of people liking us.

    if someone told you you looked really bad in a particular shirt - would you be less likely to wear it on first dates?

  5. #175
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    The job is more likely to last, so don't waste your wish.

  6. #176
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    The job is more likely to last, so don't waste your wish.
    LOL! Good point.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  7. #177
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Shocker of the day:
    I am still not having much luck in romance.

    This past Saturday I was stood up for a date even after having corresponded with this woman for several days.

    Recently I met a lovely atheist woman at an atheist event -- she was so cool! She was a former Methodist pastor turned hardcore atheist! We talked and flirted. I got her number. Then I called and she did not pick up or return my voicemail.

    I also went on a date with a woman who talked incessantly about her ex-husband.

    Good times!
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  8. #178
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    Shocker of the day:
    I am still not having much luck in romance.

    This past Saturday I was stood up for a date even after having corresponded with this woman for several days.

    Recently I met a lovely atheist woman at an atheist event -- she was so cool! She was a former Methodist pastor turned hardcore atheist! We talked and flirted. I got her number. Then I called and she did not pick up or return my voicemail.

    I also went on a date with a woman who talked incessantly about her ex-husband.

    Good times!
    That is too bad. But I hope you will consider texting her something like this “I understand if you dont want to get to know me outside of the aetheist group. No problem! I hope you can continue to attend our events and enjoy the company of the group.” You still want her to come around because you enjoy her company. That CAN grow i to so ething, but it may not and that is fine, too.

  9. #179
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    That is too bad. But I hope you will consider texting her something like this “I understand if you dont want to get to know me outside of the aetheist group. No problem! I hope you can continue to attend our events and enjoy the company of the group.” You still want her to come around because you enjoy her company. That CAN grow i to so ething, but it may not and that is fine, too.
    I don't have a cell phone. So I can't text. I am sure she'll be around.

    My best guess is that some guy -- probably an atheist alpha male -- swooped in and got to her first. Any time a single woman shows up to an atheist event she promptly has a wide choice of the men to choose from.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  10. #180
    Senior Member The Storyteller's Avatar
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    Wait... there are atheist events? What does one do at an atheist event?

    BTW, I'm an atheist. My wife is a lifelong believer. We've been married 34 years and still doing well. I'm glad I don't share your criteria.
    "There are too many books in the world to read in a single lifetime; you have to draw the line somewhere." --Diane Setterfield, The Thirteenth Tale

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