Making minimalism a deal breaker?

[Ultralight]

This behavior is encouraged by books like The Rules which say a woman must not come across as too needy and available. If she gave you her number she may just want you to demonstrate some persistence.

I am going to start a new thread on this so as not to hijack this one.

Hijack at will. I don't mind.

[Williamsmith]

I feel like if I were a psychiatrist, I could make an interesting study of this thread and ULs minimalism deal breaker. But since I’m not, it just confuses the hell of of me. I never considered finding a mate such a work project. Easy for me to say, I know but I did go through a notable number of relationships before I landed and stuck.

Maybe Im just superficial but my only real first criteria was ...is she easy to look at? After that deeply intellectual vetting process.....Id learn whether we could be romantic or just friends.

But just asking.....how long does a friendship have to last to make it worthwhile? One date, two dates, a month, a year, a lifetime? Isn’t it possible to have many relationships strung together be equal to one longstanding partnership?

[Ultralight]

But just asking.....how long does a friendship have to last to make it worthwhile? One date, two dates, a month, a year, a lifetime? Isn’t it possible to have many relationships strung together be equal to one longstanding partnership?

Good questions here.

I'd like to have a life partner -- one where we make dinner together in the evening and talk about our day, one where we can snuggle in the morning after waking up and at night before falling asleep. I'd like to have my partner's picture hung up in my office at work. It'd be nice to have someone to go on walks at the park with (in addition to Harlan, of course).

Sure, I could possibly get this from a bunch of strung together shorter relationships. But:
1. That would probably put me at higher risk of STDs.
2. I want some security (and to provide some security to someone else). When you are alone with no one to count on all manner of unfortunate things can happen. If you get sick you have to take care of yourself. If you get injured you have to recover on your own. If you choke on a hard boiled egg you probably just die alone in your apartment.

[Williamsmith]

Good questions here.

I'd like to have a life partner -- one where we make dinner together in the evening and talk about our day, one where we can snuggle in the morning after waking up and at night before falling asleep. I'd like to have my partner's picture hung up in my office at work. It'd be nice to have someone to go on walks at the park with (in addition to Harlan, of course).

Sure, I could possibly get this from a bunch of strung together shorter relationships. But:
1. That would probably put me at higher risk of STDs.
2. I want some security (and to provide some security to someone else). When you are alone with no one to count on all manner of unfortunate things can happen. If you get sick you have to take care of yourself. If you get injured you have to recover on your own. If you choke on a hard boiled egg you probably just die alone in your apartment.

My life partner and I NEVER make dinner together. I let my wife drone on about her frustrations at work with autistic and emotional support kids and try to interject a “wow” or “omg” at the appropriate time. I tilt my head to the left and right and look her in the eye once in awhile just to reassure her I’m not thinking about something else.

My wife hates pictures of herself and so I never hung one up. We do take walks together but refer to above description of dinner table talk.

STDs are a small price to pay for variety.

A life partnership exposes you to insecurity. When they hurt, you hurt. When they get sued, you get sued. When they go nuts, you try to hold things together. When they pay taxes, you pay taxes. And vice versa.

All manner of unfortunate things happen.....period. If you get sick it’s nice that someone goes and gets you a ginger ale or does the laundry for a week but most humans get mighty tired of tending after someone and some just plain leave.

If choke on a hard boiled egg, you lifelong partner will likely be shopping at Macy’s when it happens.

[Ultralight]

My life partner and I NEVER make dinner together. I let my wife drone on about her frustrations at work with autistic and emotional support kids and try to interject a “wow” or “omg” at the appropriate time. I tilt my head to the left and right and look her in the eye once in awhile just to reassure her I’m not thinking about something else.

My wife hates pictures of herself and so I never hung one up. We do take walks together but refer to above description of dinner table talk.

STDs are a small price to pay for variety.

A life partnership exposes you to insecurity. When they hurt, you hurt. When they get sued, you get sued. When they go nuts, you try to hold things together. When they pay taxes, you pay taxes. And vice versa.

All manner of unfortunate things happen.....period. If you get sick it’s nice that someone goes and gets you a ginger ale or does the laundry for a week but most humans get mighty tired of tending after someone and some just plain leave.

If choke on a hard boiled egg, you lifelong partner will likely be shopping at Macy’s when it happens.

Well, your picture of marriage looks really tempting!

Also: I get it: I am booed, screwed, and tattooed no matter what.

[catherine]

My son just had a very painful break-up. It was just a 6-month relationship but it started out with such fireworks we all thought this was it. Won't go into details, but she broke up with him last month and he was devastated.

Turns out that her initial enthusiasm was fueled by the fact that my son "checked all the boxes" on her list. But when it came to brass tax, that wasn't enough. There was still a certain je ne sais quoi missing. So she dropped him. And she actually even told him that she's rewriting her list.

I am not quite as cynical as Willimsmith about marriage, although I know he's being very tongue-in-cheek and all signs point to the fact that he treasures his relationship--because it's real and unassuming. I hate to sound like a mom, but the right person is out there for you, but she might not check all your boxes.

Throw out the list. Trust the je ne sais quoi.

[Ultralight]

My son just had a very painful break-up. It was just a 6-month relationship but it started out with such fireworks we all thought this was it. Won't go into details, but she broke up with him last month and he was devastated.

Turns out that her initial enthusiasm was fueled by the fact that my son "checked all the boxes" on her list. But when it came to brass tax, that wasn't enough. There was still a certain je ne sais quoi missing. So she dropped him. And she actually even told him that she's rewriting her list.

I am not quite as cynical as Willimsmith about marriage, although I know he's being very tongue-in-cheek and all signs point to the fact that he treasures his relationship--because it's real and unassuming. I hate to sound like a mom, but the right person is out there for you, but she might not check all your boxes.

Throw out the list. Trust the je ne sais quoi.

Sorry to hear about that situation with your son.

I don't speak Greek though.

I too think someone is out there for me. Friends have told me my problem is that I am focused a lot on looks -- and a certain type of looks. Which is true...

I will explain more in a moment. But I need to take care of an errand.

[Teacher Terry]

WS: you are so funny) Any relationship takes work. There will be times where you will want to strangle your partner. I have had serial marriages. The first 3 years, the second 22 years and now we are together for 19 and married 14. This marriage has far surpassed the others in satisfaction. My Mom took care of my Dad for 14 long years and yes it got old. However, they were married for a lifetime and she saw it as her responsibility. He lived way longer then the doctors ever predicted he would and that is probably because of the care he got.

[Ultralight]

Okay, lemme try this again:

This is what I prefer visually:



This is what women who share my way of life and my philosophies tend to look like:


Both women are public figures. The first is a life coach.
The second woman is a well-know minimalist. That stuff on her bed is most of what she owns, by the way.

[Ultralight]

STDs are a small price to pay for variety.

Dude. This isn't the 1970s anymore. Back then you might get the clap -- then after a week of antibiotics you were good as new.

Now we have diseases that can kill yo azz! AIDS, Heps of various letters, HPV that causes cancer, multi-resistant forms of VD, and so on.

Can't mess around like we're in Studio 54, bro!