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Thread: Making minimalism a deal breaker?

  1. #181
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Storyteller View Post
    Wait... there are atheist events? What does one do at an atheist event?

    BTW, I'm an atheist. My wife is a lifelong believer. We've been married 34 years and still doing well. I'm glad I don't share your criteria.
    I know, we have a mixed marriage here, too. Since I don't spend much time and energy thinking about what happens to me after I die, it isn't important to me that DH holds a different internalized value than I do. He doesn't seem to be concerned that I will not be joining him in The Next Life. We don't talk about it, we are very much centered in the Now and in the immediate future.

    I thin k some people wonder 'how can you live with someone who holds such a radically different basic value?' but this issue just doesn't come up in my married life. We have talked about choices for funerals and body disposals upon death, but when it comes to the spirit, I guess we consider each other out there on our own.

  2. #182
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post

    I thin k some people wonder 'how can you live with someone who holds such a radically different basic value?' but this issue just doesn't come up in my married life. We have talked about choices for funerals and body disposals upon death, but when it comes to the spirit, I guess we consider each other out there on our own.
    I think it's much easier to co-exist with different religious belief systems if there are no children involved. Even if there are children involved, though, there is typically one partner who is less devout or committed to their own belief, and will compromise on the raising of the children. I've known a lot of Christian-Jewish, Catholic-Protestant, Non-believer-Believer couples and they've worked it out.

    In general, I think it's important not to try to match up perfectly--how can you? I tell DH often that I don't want to be joined at the hip with him. He can do his bagpiping and I'll do my gardening. I'll eat my Indian vegetarian food, and he'll eat his Bubba burgers. I can't think of anything worse than being married to a clone of me. Sometimes I see men with my interests and temperament and I immediately think, "I could never be married to that person."
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  3. #183
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    I can't think of anything worse than being married to a clone of me. Sometimes I see men with my interests and temperament and I immediately think, "I could never be married to that person."
    I dunno. I always thought that would be kind of cool. But if something divided our opinions, the arguments could be interesting: "How could you be so unreasonable?!?"

    Seriously, UL, I'm sorry things are not working out better for you. The phrase "kiss a lot of frogs" comes to mind. (Actually, the phrase "law of attraction" does, too.) I've been stood up, not gotten called back, etc. I once went on a first date which was a walk around a local lake; it took about 3/4 of the way around the lake and we both figured out nothing was going to happen. It's disheartening, especially when it starts looking like a batting slump in baseball.

    But keep at it. Is there a way a mutual acquaintance in the atheist's group could get IL's suggested message to the former pastor? Better to encourage her appearance there than have her miss out on the group because it might seem awkward. At least you get to spend that time together.
    If Americans expended even a fraction of the energy on civic engagement that we spend on consumer ideology, our democracy would be much healthier. Can you imagine people camping out to vote? -- Charles Roberts, Amherst, Mass., Nov. 25, 2006

  4. #184
    Senior Member The Storyteller's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    I think it's much easier to co-exist with different religious belief systems if there are no children involved.
    Is atheism a belief system?

    I do think for many it is, but those folks are as much anti-religion as atheist. For me, it is simply a lack of belief. I lack a belief in a deity of any kind, just like I lack a belief in magic, astrology, unicorns, or fairies. Nothing against them. They just don't exist.

    BTW. we have three. Kids, I mean.

    My son and oldest daughter are devout Catholics, my youngest daughter is a pagan. My wife is a Baptist. She considered marrying a minister, but married me, instead.
    "There are too many books in the world to read in a single lifetime; you have to draw the line somewhere." --Diane Setterfield, The Thirteenth Tale

  5. #185
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    Shocker of the day:
    I am still not having much luck in romance.

    This past Saturday I was stood up for a date even after having corresponded with this woman for several days.

    Recently I met a lovely atheist woman at an atheist event -- she was so cool! She was a former Methodist pastor turned hardcore atheist! We talked and flirted. I got her number. Then I called and she did not pick up or return my voicemail.

    I also went on a date with a woman who talked incessantly about her ex-husband.

    Good times!
    I believe some of these people who make dates and do not show have been overcome by anxiety.

    Is it one of your requirements that they are also atheist?

    "talked about ex-husband the whole time" well, what can I say, this shows lack of class.

    If you were here, I'd fix you up with my single sister near Atlanta.............

  6. #186
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Storyteller View Post
    Wait... there are atheist events? What does one do at an atheist event?

    BTW, I'm an atheist. My wife is a lifelong believer. We've been married 34 years and still doing well. I'm glad I don't share your criteria.

    I date Christians regularly -- way more than I date atheists. It is very rare that I date an atheist. I'm open to dating Muslims, Jews, Scientologists, etc.

    Atheist events usually involve sacrificing goats while listen to Ozzy records backwards, perhaps the occasional drinking of blood, maybe a round or two of Ouija board play. Or if it is a low-key event we'll just clandestinely worship Satan by playing Dungeons & Dragons.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  7. #187
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tenngal View Post
    I believe some of these people who make dates and do not show have been overcome by anxiety.

    Is it one of your requirements that they are also atheist?

    "talked about ex-husband the whole time" well, what can I say, this shows lack of class.

    If you were here, I'd fix you up with my single sister near Atlanta.............
    Tell me about her!
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  8. #188
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    I realized recently that the kind of brains I would be attracted to is not usually in the type of body I am usually attracted to.

    So I really need to be much less superficial!
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  9. #189
    Senior Member The Storyteller's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    Atheist events usually involve sacrificing goats while listen to Ozzy records backwards, perhaps the occasional drinking of blood, maybe a round or two of Ouija board play. Or if it is a low-key event we'll just clandestinely worship Satan by playing Dungeons & Dragons.
    "There are too many books in the world to read in a single lifetime; you have to draw the line somewhere." --Diane Setterfield, The Thirteenth Tale

  10. #190
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post

    Then I called and she did not pick up or return my voicemail.

    Good times!
    This behavior is encouraged by books like The Rules which say a woman must not come across as too needy and available. If she gave you her number she may just want you to demonstrate some persistence.

    I am going to start a new thread on this so as not to hijack this one.

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