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Thread: Making minimalism a deal breaker?

  1. #11
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    So, you are looking for an atheist woman who owns less than 200? Items, does not want children, is financially stable and capable of supporting herself, and looking to make a lifelong commitment? Anything else?
    I'd like to share a mutual physical attraction.

    But do you know someone like this? Hook me up!

    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    and she wants you why? Serious question, not a put down.
    She wants me because:
    -I share her values
    -We have a similar lifestyle
    -I am a highly educated, employed, and reliable guy who loves rescue dogs
    -I do my share of cooking and cleaning
    -I am respectful and compassionate
    -I am well-read, bright, and "low-key" funny
    -I am an expert snuggler, I give great massages, and I am skilled at _____.
    -I live an active lifestyle.

    Need I go on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    have you heard the song "whole wide world"? it made me think of you the other day.
    Link me.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  2. #12
    Senior Member Williamsmith's Avatar
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    Do you actually consider dating a waste of time? Granted, it's been a while for me but I seem to recall excitement at the anticipation of learning about what makes people who they are and see what chemistry develops. I never felt any date was a waste of time. It was like opening a door and exploring a new neighborhood every time. When you have such a rigid list, it makes it appear you are treating a woman like just one of the 200 items on your list. Just a thing that is either useful or not. You don't seem to understand the concept of "potential" in a relationship.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Williamsmith View Post
    Do you actually consider dating a waste of time? Granted, it's been a while for me but I seem to recall excitement at the anticipation of learning about what makes people who they are and see what chemistry develops. I never felt any date was a waste of time. It was like opening a door and exploring a new neighborhood every time. When you have such a rigid list, it makes it appear you are treating a woman like just one of the 200 items on your list. Just a thing that is either useful or not. You don't seem to understand the concept of "potential" in a relationship.
    I like dating and getting to know someone and so forth. But I really dislike breaking up with someone or even just telling them I am not interested.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  4. #14
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    I think you are making too many assumptions about minimalists. If the number of items she owns is not important to you (within reason) just use the list you just made.

    also, suppose she is messy, hates to clean, and has solved this by getting a great job and hiring a cleaning service?

    but seriously, I have never met a woman who was financially secure, did not want kids, and had no religious prohibition against extramarital sex who was looking for a male life partner. Women in that category are probably just out enjoying their lives and if they should happen to meet a man they want to commit to for life, fine, but it's unlikely to be a quick decision. They aren't interested in "someone they can live with" you have to be "someone they can't live without"

    dh uncle managed to catch one - she came with a ton of belongings, a disabled father to care for, and a mother who had opinions about everything and was her best friend. They were both in their mid forties. He made significantly more money than she did, and he is brilliant, funny, kind, and interested in everything. She also loved his big family. It took him 3 years to land her. They are now in their 70's. I think the women of my generation are less likely to take that leap. And you are younger than I am.

  5. #15
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    Many posts while I was typing. I am low tech. Search the song.

    maybe you should stop looking for women and start joining rescue dog organizations and outdoor activity groups.

  6. #16
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    What about simply a 'friend with benefits' and forget about the long-term part of it? BE a giver of positive validation and worth and joy and have fun. See where that goes. One member here who was comfy in her solo life found her partner that way.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  7. #17
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    I think you are making too many assumptions about minimalists. If the number of items she owns is not important to you (within reason) just use the list you just made.

    also, suppose she is messy, hates to clean, and has solved this by getting a great job and hiring a cleaning service?

    but seriously, I have never met a woman who was financially secure, did not want kids, and had no religious prohibition against extramarital sex who was looking for a male life partner. Women in that category are probably just out enjoying their lives and if they should happen to meet a man they want to commit to for life, fine, but it's unlikely to be a quick decision. They aren't interested in "someone they can live with" you have to be "someone they can't live without"

    dh uncle managed to catch one - she came with a ton of belongings, a disabled father to care for, and a mother who had opinions about everything and was her best friend. They were both in their mid forties. He made significantly more money than she did, and he is brilliant, funny, kind, and interested in everything. She also loved his big family. It took him 3 years to land her. They are now in their 70's. I think the women of my generation are less likely to take that leap. And you are younger than I am.
    The assumptions I make about minimalist women are merely assumptions though they are loosely based on vloggers and bloggers who are female practicing minimalists.

    Hiring a maid is not very frugal, though in a sense it is minimalist. I would not do that. I DIY it when it comes to cleaning. When you are minimalist, cleaning is quick and easy. You just need to do it for like 15 minutes every couple days or so.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  8. #18
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    Btw, I do know an attractive physically active atheist single woman in her 50's who loves dogs. She hikes, canoes, and travels widely. She loves gardening. she owns a farm house that is lightly filled and is into stuff in a very limited way (she has a few nice pieces of art, quality furniture...) but she drinks, she relapses to smoking sometimes, she has plenty of friends to do things with, and her response to you would probably be "I have enough children in my life" (grown son and his friends) because if she looked at your posts, she would see the same "searching for who I am and what I want" they are going through. And she doesn't need another man in her life.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by razz View Post
    What about simply a 'friend with benefits' and forget about the long-term part of it? BE a giver of positive validation and worth and joy and have fun. See where that goes. One member here who was comfy in her solo life found her partner that way.
    This is not really my style. But I am open to it. I'd want it to be monogamous though.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  10. #20
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    I had parameters and a vision for the relationship I wished to enter then I met a man, ‘fell in love’, married and all the parameters and visions I had went out the door. Things have changed over the years, we changed and we are not the same individuals or couple that we started out as nearly 40 years ago, we are better and when we have to, we work things out. Probably not helpful but hopefully encouraging.

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