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Thread: so any advice about longwinded new sup

  1. #1
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    so any advice about longwinded new sup

    Oh dear, I miss my old supervisor. I know the transition is always hard for everyone. So here is the deal. I have a LOT of urgent things I need to talk through, a computer issue that had drug on for a month and ways to accept money. I started going directly to the people who know and asking questions (they moved up deadlines and then sent him to 2 full day trainings).

    So today I missed our meeting because my son parked my car too close to a fire hydrant and it was towed. I still got to morning program at 6:30 am and my son took care of everything. I didn't have the car by the time of our meeting so we did a phone check in. He said up front that he didn't have time for a full check in, he reminded me of one urgent thing, and then we spent 10 minutes talking about a movie night I host. I have done it 2 years and the families love it and are asking about it. He said that his supervisor and the head of the department are concerned with taking things off my plate, and want me to focus on quality programming. Honestly this is an extra, but it takes minimal time, earns a little money, and the community loves it. I explained my point of view, and he just kept talking about it saying he hoped I understood, but did not directly say no, don't do it. OMG!! It is not the most important thing I do! So i gave him a date to tell me if I could do it or not, said I would talk to anyone who wanted to know more and got off the phone. I think that I could say something like that much earlier next time and that would help. Also I think writing agendas before meeting with him and taking the lead will be helpful, I could use any hints. He seems to have a hard time saying no directly.

    How does the head of our department have time to think about this when I still don't have a second computer or an answer on parent-paid programming, a totally new area for me this year.

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    It sounds like it is important to him, maybe because it opens you guys up for liability? That is often why managers want you to stop doing fun, creative things. It sounds like he doesn't want to say it directly, he wants you to come to that conclusion on your own?

    Seriously, I would think about trying to meet the goals of the organization here, and if they do not want movie night, I would stop having movie night. The fact that he talked about it so long, and has more of a suggestive than a directive style, makes it sound important to him, to the organization.

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    Yeah, it is a more passive aggressive style to me. Like see how we are caring for you, but he won't just say things directly. And there are waivers that are standard, registration forms, etc. It is more a work load and focus on other things issue. Talking and listening to other PS's i am not that unusual in how much i get done, when i miss things, etc.In some areas I get more than average done, right now i have a huge impact with my one staff who just got out of jail.

    This is going to take major adjustment, i dont deal well with the more passive and round about way of communicating. He seems to want me to change my mind as well as be grateful to them for reducing my work load. It pushes a button for me, i think this is more common in business than not? Interesting that he is male and my last 2 sups were female and more direct.

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    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
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    If I were your supervisor, and you weren't getting the things I wanted done on time, but were talking about working on peripheral things not related to our mission, I'd be annoyed. You've mentioned before about getting written up for missing deadlines on particular types of paperwork that are important to your organization. I would look at this like "she can't get things done on time because she is so busy, but here she is doing this other thing instead". It sounds like (based on what you said) he was trying to gently talk you out of that peripheral activity but you wouldn't budge.

    How does the head of our department have time to think about this when I still don't have a second computer or an answer on parent-paid programming, a totally new area for me this year.
    It's likely not something he feels is important. Maybe he just doesn't realize the urgency, or the effects this is having on you. I wouldn't understand why someone needed a second computer unless they told me what this second computer was needed for, and the impact of not having this second computer.

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    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zoe Girl View Post
    Yeah, it is a more passive aggressive style to me. Like see how we are caring for you, but he won't just say things directly. And there are waivers that are standard, registration forms, etc. It is more a work load and focus on other things issue. Talking and listening to other PS's i am not that unusual in how much i get done, when i miss things, etc.In some areas I get more than average done, right now i have a huge impact with my one staff who just got out of jail.

    This is going to take major adjustment, i dont deal well with the more passive and round about way of communicating. He seems to want me to change my mind as well as be grateful to them for reducing my work load. It pushes a button for me, i think this is more common in business than not? Interesting that he is male and my last 2 sups were female and more direct.
    Another way to look at your supervisore's style is this: he is being collaborative, treating you as a fellow problem solver and colleague, rather than issuing dictatorial "No" directives.

    Maybe it fits his situation, maybe not, but that is one idea that came to me as I read your post.

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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    Another way to look at your supervisore's style is this: he is being collaborative, treating you as a fellow problem solver and colleague, rather than issuing dictatorial "No" directives.

    Maybe it fits his situation, maybe not, but that is one idea that came to me as I read your post.
    I have noticed this style in the past 5 years--definitely bosses are being trained as "kindler, gentler" suggestors. which might feel to those of us who remember the old days as fakey or passive aggressive.

    To me, it sometimes feels like the fist in the velvet glove, thus the fakey.

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    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    I have noticed this style in the past 5 years--definitely bosses are being trained as "kindler, gentler" suggestors. which might feel to those of us who remember the old days as fakey or passive aggressive.

    To me, it sometimes feels like the fist in the velvet glove, thus the fakey.
    well, in the ideal world, the supervisor addresses each employee in the learning and management style that best works for that employee. If ZG wants to hear "no" then he tells he "no."

    I will admit to being a bit literal and I like hearing "no".

    I am also a little worried that ZG, if I understand her post correctly, has given her boss a deadline by which he has to deliver a clear "no." That right there, a bit dictitorial on her part, considering he has already fiven her his answer about Movie Night.

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    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post

    I am also a little worried that ZG, if I understand her post correctly, has given her boss a deadline by which he has to deliver a clear "no." That right there, a bit dictitorial on her part, considering he has already fiven her his answer about Movie Night.
    I agree. It's up to the employee to interpret the nuance and act accordingly.

    ZG, if the Movie Night is promoting the organization's goals in measurable ways, make the case to your supervisor. If not, ask yourself if it's really worth the battle.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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    Thanks all. It does help to see another perspective. I can see the collaborative, and I have had outside training in facilitation and mediation so I know how to not give an option when it is really not an option, but be collaborative when it is possible.

    To be clear, it seems very black and white about the paperwork. There is a lot, it is very detailed, and my primary job is to provide high quality programming that meets the needs of our students and community according to certain grant and department guidelines. I know how to track for grant compliance, legal requirements (such as homeless student and special education laws) and quality. I am typically teaching my supervisors about this, they let the grant people go and surprise! They didn't have anything they needed so we all turned around and replaced 3 years of grant documentation in 2 days. I have high compliments from my school admin, my parents and my kids. I have never had a licensing visit or incident that questioned student safety. And I develop my staff regardless of the department offering training or not that year. I also help my colleagues all the time when they need it in our data systems and other work. The 3 google docs asking for my staff schedules, phone numbers, etc. may get behind. I just got asked to add last names to one doc, I had first and last on Monday but only first on Tuesday through Friday. It is still important to do all this, somehow it is related to them helping us hire staff, so I do it all. Just don't get everything on time. Frankly I have considered at times telling them about my mental issue and asking for an accommodation but I don't want to deal with the stigma, and that is the part that makes me tear up. I am so good at so many things in my job, and no matter how small you make my job I will struggle with details.

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    Oh yeah, movie night. I am just going to email him later tonight and say it is not important enough to take the time of everyone, including upper supervision levels. So I won't plan on it. I just answered his questions multiple times, not trying to argue, but if he has a hard time saying no then I will just do it and move on to more important projects.

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