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Thread: Dealing with extended family guests - advice needed please

  1. #11
    Senior Member KayLR's Avatar
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    I was thinking along Steve's lines; what does your family do after dinner? Can she lay out a puzzle? Start a craft or activity with kids?
    My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already!

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zoe Girl View Post
    I know my sister's MIL was shocked one year that we set up the turkey and then went to walk a 5K. Everything was really fine, it does not take nearly as much time as you think to put together a holiday in a simple place.
    This was my cousin and her family. They set up the turkey and some crockpots, then went out to volunteer serving dinner at a homeless shelter.

  3. #13
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    Our family is clannish and I so understood your plea. My in-laws are often visiting and sometimes, they don't even say that they're coming. They'd be staying a few days and I'm like - okkkkkkkk.....
    What I do? I just cherish the moment. They're old and almost dying. LOL.

  4. #14
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Thanks for triggering my continuing approach to this by updating this thread.
    As i thought about what happened, several things came to mind.
    One assumes that life will continue as it always has but as soon as new elements like additional family or technology enter, the dynamics will change. I had to think of what I wanted for the Thanksgiving celebration and family get-together and share my thoughts with them.

    So I set simple parameters that I need in my house.
    - all technology is off for certain hours for family to visit and enjoy each others company.
    - while each can enjoy their wine and beer, it is not the focus of the get-together. No hard liquor. Enjoy that in your own homes.
    - by all means, offer to help and then shut up. I will let you know if and/or when I need help, i will explain how I want that help.
    This is all that I ask and expect plus courtesy and respect in my home.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  5. #15
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    I can't see anything wrong with her helping you, she is just being polite/ considerate since she knows how busy it is during thanksgiving. But if it annoys you, then give her something she could do. like assign her to bring some food or arrange the table or just anything to keep her busy and make her feel that she has done something and not just sit around.

  6. #16
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    Coming late to this. Boy do I sympathize! I like doing things my own way! My home, my way! Can you give her a few slabs of gingerbread (I know, that means you have to bake it, so more work for you) and a big pile of candy and frosting and have her make a gingerbread house? Get really tiny candies so there is a lot of it to do. So sorry you have this problem.

  7. #17
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    After thinking about it some more and talking to family further, we have agreed that, once a year, it will be one dinner and evening talking that is just us. Guests including this dear one will be welcome at any other time but I want and need my precious family time.

    Further, I will tell anyone who keeps telling me what should be done next and insisting that "I need a job" that while I appreciate any offers of help, I will let him/her know if and when, I need it. It is my view that I invite guests for a visit, not to tell me how and when/how I should be doing things in my home-
    "I put in the turkey too late, the dog needs to see a vet because he ate grass when she walked him...

    The craft idea has merit - I am going to get a lap quilt started and she will be invited to work on that and I will set up a jigsaw puzzle.
    I am very fond of this person but she may be a hyperactive type who has to bring her own entertainment as my life is busy but organized and peaceful. I have no doubt that we will find a way to resolve the situation.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

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