At our recent Thanksgiving gathering, extended family couple were included for the first time as they were in the area. Lovely couple.

Problem - the woman kept wanting something to do, to help. I didn't want any help as all was planned ahead and my kids all had a part. The woman was also contributing dessert to the menu. She kept looking around the living-dining area and asking 'should I do this or that". I kept saying no as I know my space capacity, my routine. The house was cleaned and prepared for the family.

EG: I always simmer the turkey carcass with remaining meat attached finding it so much easier to remove after the cooking, mixing with the resulting broth and then freezing it. She wanted to do it ahead of time. I was feeling as though I had lost control of my own home. Eventually, family were asking me why she couldn't help with something as she kept asking for a job to do. Almost everything she did was disruptive. After meals, I routinely take the placemats, shake them over the sink and return then to the same spot on the dining table. She shook them over the table spilling some debris on the chair and floor and put them all in the laundry walking through the spilled debris and then cleaned the table of the spilled contents. I had to fetch a broom to clean up the floor.

What does one do when a family member visiting is needing something to do constantly?

Whenever I visit family, I offer to help but since I am a guest, I wait to be directed to where and when I can help. It is their home, their routine and I respect those boundaries.

I want to have a more positive relationship with this delightful family member in her late 40 to early 50's who will be in the area for some time attending school before returning to her home out of province. I am not prepared to struggle to find things for her to do all the time.

My life is simple, my routine is simple as is my menu. I will happily plan an outing to a special area during a visit.

I have considered asking her to bring some of her homework with her next time both to share and keep her occupied.
What other ideas could be considered? Help! TIA