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Thread: Never Cry for Money

  1. #11
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    First, I am so excited that you are getting BIL's house moved along and retiring the debt and all that comes with the debt. For me debt is so stressful-- getting rid of that stress is something to celebrate!

    I totally get the crying thing, from both sides, I think. We confuse money with the ability to do things for our families, for ourselves; money is potential and as we get older, we worry about dwindling potential and we worry about legacy. It hurts to NOT be able to leave a legacy--but I think that then we get confused and use the money available to us for the wrong things--fail to take care of ourselves, fail to realize just how much it costs to live. The BIL house seems representative of that confusion, that vagueness--it is not okay that it was maintained by the debt that you took on--it was living beyond means, if that makes sense. So you were trying to be kind, to save everyone--but it ends up hurting you with the debt.

    I heard a good saying about debt yesterday--that we keep getting situations that tempt us to solve them with debt until we learn the lesson, but that the opportunities to learn the lesson get increasingly painful. So if that is true, then maintaining the house debt to buy a vacation house would be yet another in the escalating lessons--if you had not learned the lesson from the last time you bailed out the house, if that makes sense.

    Anyway, I kind of understand both angles on this crying question, I think. We feel the pain and then we grab at our addictive substance of choice to deal with the pain--for some it is booze, for others debt. Better to do what you are doing, and separate out the real issues from the debt response.

    SO glad you are going to be out of debt by end of year. What a Christmas present that will be!!

    And then save up and pay cash for the vacation house--it will happen!
    Thank you. I agree with everything you said, and I would hope at this point I have learned my lessons about debt!
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    Thank you. I agree with everything you said, and I would hope at this point I have learned my lessons about debt!
    Record somehow, the feelings and comments when the "we are out of debt" conversation happens between the 2 of you. Keep that in mind anytime you 2 consider new debt. There is NOTHING that feels as good as ZERO DEBT! Life offers so many more options when debt free.

    Catherine, you have been carrying the burden of this so you most certainly should stand firm on ZERO DEBT! Focus on the now and the debt free retirement future! It will happen so much sooner with no debt.

  3. #13
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    TooMuchStuff: Steve can correct me if I'm wrong, but I took this to mean that under the circumstances, it would actually be more of the "husband/dad thing" to support Catherine in doing the more financially responsible thing and get them out of debt.

  4. #14
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gardnr View Post
    Record somehow, the feelings and comments when the "we are out of debt" conversation happens between the 2 of you. Keep that in mind anytime you 2 consider new debt. There is NOTHING that feels as good as ZERO DEBT! Life offers so many more options when debt free.

    Catherine, you have been carrying the burden of this so you most certainly should stand firm on ZERO DEBT! Focus on the now and the debt free retirement future! It will happen so much sooner with no debt.
    Yes! OP I am so happy that you will soon be out of debt.

    it makes me sad to know that your husband, and to a lesser extent you, don't immediately recognize and value the wonderful rich family connectedness you guys have provided for your children and now grandchildren. That ain't chopped liver ya know

  5. #15
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    I don't think you should ever cry over money. Although I have kicked myself over the occasional boneheaded financial decision. Stupidity, especially one's own, is something to cry about.

    I have enough history of bruises, burns and lacerations from mishandled tools to respect the proposition that money is really just a tool requiring a certain degree of respect. You can misuse the tools of finance as badly as any other. Like any other discipline, finance requires a certain level of self-control and perhaps even self-knowledge. It's been said, for instance, that if you don't know who you are the stock market can be a very expensive place to find out.

    I don't think the standard American (or evidently anyone else's) education really equips most of us with a proper understanding of the nature of leverage, the time value of money or how to assess risk. It makes us the prey of salesmen and hack politicians as much as our own foolishness.

    I congratulate Catherine on making the boring, intelligent decision.

  6. #16
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rosarugosa View Post
    TooMuchStuff: Steve can correct me if I'm wrong, but I took this to mean that under the circumstances, it would actually be more of the "husband/dad thing" to support Catherine in doing the more financially responsible thing and get them out of debt.
    rosa, you read it right. Thank you.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

  7. #17
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    Yes! OP I am so happy that you will soon be out of debt.

    it makes me sad to know that your husband, and to a lesser extent you, don't immediately recognize and value the wonderful rich family connectedness you guys have provided for your children and now grandchildren. That ain't chopped liver ya know
    Edited to add: by this I mean, you don't need no steenkin' vacation house to create memories and legacy because you have given your family a lot of human capital legacy.

  8. #18
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by flowerseverywhere View Post
    Your kids don't want your stuff. We asked our kids and there were very few things they thought would be useful to them.
    I don't remember if I mentioned it in another decluttering thread. But for years I'd toted around a few boxes of ephemera -- brochures and newspapers from places I visited, ticket stubs from concerts I'd enjoyed,... Not that I looked at it very often. But I could not bring myself to throw it away/recycle it.

    This time, however, I saw it differently: would my granddaughter enjoy pawing through this stuff from either a historic sense or to get to know her grandfather better? No? Then out it goes. Down to one quarter of one of the boxes. And once she's had a chance to look at it, that may go, too.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

  9. #19
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    Edited to add: by this I mean, you don't need no steenkin' vacation house to create memories and legacy because you have given your family a lot of human capital legacy.
    I got it, IL. Thank you. You're right--and I don't take my family for granted. I guess I have been of the mindset that I want to gift my kids what I have been gifted. My grandfather paid for my college education. My great-aunt and uncle enabled me to spend glorious childhood summers at the beach in their vacation home. My MIL gave us an incredibly generous down-payment for our house. So, essentially, I want to give our kids what it took three of my family members to give me, LOL. It's just that I'm just so grateful for my family and my blessings in life and I'm trying to pay it forward. I know that the biggest blessing is just...us being together.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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