20 years and counting

[goldensmom]

My husband and I have been married for 35 years. No regrets. Would marry him over and over. We have both changed over the past 35 years and I think expecting change and accepting change has made us stronger as a couple. The most comfortable thing for me is to be able to be together with few expectations, accepting our differences and to be grateful for what we are together and the material things with which we have been blessed. Blessed by my marriage and circumstances beyond what I deserve.

[Williamsmith]

William, that's beautiful. you made me cry. it just goes to show that when you fall in love, you keep that love even if at times the in love stage vanishes. it's been like that for us - this year we are in love, next year we stick it out because of love and then next, we just think of love --- i think that's the reason why those of us who stay together for at least 20 years just won't quit in love


dont tell me you're nicholas sparks? :-)

These days, no matter what happens on the outside...we both know what’s in the heart and we cut each other a lot of slack in dealing with each other’s imperfections. We have a lot of pride in what we’ve accomplished and feel like making a difference is about as good as it gets.....even if most of it was in the past.

When we take walks ...now and then, our pinky’s will find each other

I don’t do creative writing. It is often awful.

You know when you were a teen and just learning about what touching another person can do to you. Holding hands and walking around told everyone you were “together”. It was an exploration. You didn’t know where it was going and I think that riskiness made it enchanting. Well, this pinky thing is on a whole different level. It is a silent communication that only you and your partner share for a brief time.

For us it says, I reached out to you and you reached back...we touched in the most insignificant way but expressed our deepest feelings. If I reach out and she moves away ever so slightly....it changes all the rest of the future. There is something that needs repaired. It might just be her mood or I could have offended her. The fact is, it starts you searching for a way to make things right again. Back to where you are walking hand in hand. It’s a fluid thing. I can see when people get weary of trying to keep it together. The effort does not seem worth it. I think that’s just people understanding that a square peg shouldn’t be driven into a round hole. No one deserves to be blamed.

One of the the things I say a lot is, “Its nobody’s fault.” That’s a good starting point for communication. I’m no genius at this. I came from a family where both parents had explosive tempers. It got violent a few times. Once it nearly took my mother’s life. So I draw from that experience and say, you have to constantly be de-escalating. Not only that, you have to be constantly trying to make things right or else you will be out of tune all the time.

The real secret is both of you have to be trying. One person can’t change the equation.

[debbie]

Together 36 years, married 30 in January. He's my best friend and makes me laugh all the time. My first marriage, he was married over 30 years to his first wife when they divorced. He's got 5 kids, 2 are older than me. Actually he's got jeans older than me! We met at work where he and my Dad were friends. It was not easy at first. We were poor for years because of the divorce. But my family saw we were serious and came around. His family was really good to us from the beginning. When we got married I became a grandma without ever having a child. Now we have great great grandkids! He's got a lot of health issues now. I'm so grateful to be with him still. Plans? To keep on as long as possible!