Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 24

Thread: When someone buys you stuff you don't want or need (huge rant)

  1. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    6,397
    if he has to buy something I'd ask for flowers ... solve the clutter part anyway.
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Columbus, OH
    Posts
    7,121
    Quote Originally Posted by frugalone View Post
    Was just reading through the "Hoarding Sensitive" thread started by (I think) Catherine, about her DH throwing stuff out from her car w/out asking her first.

    I have the opposite problem. I have a spouse who likes to visit thrift stores and has spent over $600 at them in the last year (possibly more; I'd need to check my Mint files). First I should point out that thankfully, I am not in need of anything material. In fact, I'd like to get rid of crap. I was on the "five things a day" bandwagon last year and I fell off.
    You're in a tough position, for certain.

    I'd have already had a huge anxiety attack and filed for divorce.

    I hope that you can find a way to be happy (whatever way that may be).

    Use this thread to rant as needed. It might be good for you. Also: Crowdsource questions or ideas you may have for input. Some of us on here might have insights that could help!
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  3. #13
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    3,322
    I am glad that you are going to counseling by yourself. It is time for you to decide what you want your life to look like. I know from personal experience it is hard.

  4. #14
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    New Hamsphire
    Posts
    436
    Quote Originally Posted by frugalone View Post
    No, I've never heard of the "five love languages." I'm off to follow your link.
    I was going to suggest the same thing.

  5. #15
    Senior Member kib's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Southeast Arizona
    Posts
    2,308
    This must be incredibly frustrating. I think you've hit the nail: dearly beloved needs to get a life of his own. By micromanaging you and your choices so he can be "closer", or "nice", he's actually stealing your personal authority as well as your opportunities for those little moments of achievement that build self esteem.

  6. #16
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Eastern Massachusetts
    Posts
    2,964
    So should I scrap my plan to crochet toilet paper roll covers for all you folks for xmas?

  7. #17
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    1,497
    I expect two toilet paper roll covers, now that you are retiring

  8. #18
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Eastern Massachusetts
    Posts
    2,964
    lol Tybee - I will have to learn to crochet first!

  9. #19
    Senior Member Williamsmith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Penns Woods
    Posts
    2,166
    My personal response , and I’m not giving any advice here, would be to flat out tell him to quit it. I’d pass everything unnecessary that he bought along to someone else who needed it or return it to the Goodwill. And then I’d explain my convictions about simplicity - how it’s important to me not to be drawn into an accumulative lifestyle. If it’s an unacceptable gift I would tell him how nice it is and that I know just the person who will appreciate it - but it’s not me. I would tell him that these gifts are a hindrance to the way I want to live and my spiritual well being. After all, isn’t a partner suppose to help us....not hinder our growth? Otherwise he is a barrier ...just something to constantly go around.

    Don’t we negotiate these things on various levels with our partners...all the time?

  10. #20
    Senior Member Sad Eyed Lady's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Kentucky
    Posts
    941
    I know this doesn't really relate to the problem when it is a spouse involved, but in gift giving a few years ago I kinda made up and adapted my own philosophy. I try to give something that can be burned up, used up, or eat up. Such as a candle, bath salts, good chocolate. Of course, even then you would have to know your recipient and their tastes and not give a candle you thinking smells like apple pie baking and they can't stand that smell! I had that thought during an insightful moment of realizing my tastes are not your tastes. I may buy a nice little wall hanging that speaks volumes to me and you would never hang on your wall in a million years. So, I try to steer clear of that impulse, being anything that is to be displayed. Also, being a crafter (some crochet, some knit, some card making, some candle making.....) I have to be careful to not inflict my handmade goodies on others unless I KNOW they would like it.
    "Like a bird on the wire, like a drunk in the midnight choir, I have tried in my way to be free." Leonard Cohen

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •