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Thread: Hard to Get

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by ApatheticNoMore View Post
    seems it could quickly turn into creepy stalker behavior too. If someone keeps persuing etc. after enough no's the thoughts turn not to love but to restraining orders.
    It could, but in this case she hasn't said no, she just hadn't responded, and Ultra Light does not strike me as a stalker.

    This morning Steve Urkel's eventual winning of Laura popped into my mind.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    As David Lee Roth once said: ""I don't get all the women I want; I get all the women than want me."

    If a woman is going to play hard to get, then she can get got by someone else.
    I am a straight shooter -- I ask a woman out. If she accepts then we move forward. If she declines or ghosts then I drop her and move along. When a woman declines I am polite and say something like: "Thanks for the honesty, best of luck to you in your search."

    When a woman ghosts I just let it go.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  3. #13
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    I don't play games, ever. I used to hear all that crap about letting men win at games, play dumb, etc. and the idea repulsed me. Way to start off a relationship--by being a phony. If someone doesn't like me the way I am they can move on. I never played hard to get and I don't remember being pursued by anyone I later became interested in. I did hold off dating my SO of many years until he was disengaged from his then-wife.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    I don't play games, ever.

    I agree. I’ve been married a long time but way back in my single days, if someone was interested in me then I either returned the interest or not and politely told them so. I don’t think dating is a game, to play hard to get and it is mean to string someone along. Respond positively or tell them from the get go that you are not interested so they can move on.

  5. #15
    Senior Member bae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    I don't play games, ever. I used to hear all that crap about letting men win at games, play dumb, etc. and the idea repulsed me.
    Same. Life's too short to waste any of it dealing with people who play those sorts of games.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    If someone doesn't like me the way I am they can move on.
    JBY (just be yourself).

    Works great if one is either very physically attractive -- so much so that people forgive one's personality. Or it also works great if your "self" is innocuous, very moderate in all spheres, and generally quite acceptable to the dominant culture.

    But if you are quirky, then it is a real tough game out there...
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  7. #17
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    We have discussed The Rules here before. I guess we have pretty much discussed everything.

    I read that book and agree with it. It is not about teaching women to “play games,” it is about encouraging women to develop a rich life with lots of activities so that when potential romantic partners come along, you are not swarming them with attention, you legitimately have other things going on in your life. The book contains good advice about pacing a new relationship.

    That idiotic concept “playing games”has always bugged me. It is a lifelong pet peeve, and I usually avoid those who use the term excessively, especially back in the days when I was dating. It meant to me that the man wanted a fast committment to regular and frequent one on one dates, and usually exclusively. If I didn't want to committ to that schedule I was “playing games” in his words. So when I told that boyfriend “dude, more than twice a week just isnt something I want to do,” that would be “playing gamez” for some men.

    For those guys, they can fook right off.

    Not allowing a relationship to unfold at a pace that is comfortable for me is churlish and self centered. Pacing is important, and negotiating the pace is part of building the relationship. I think it is important to remember that sometimes romantic partners are not obvious, they grow on you. I dont mean do not honor a woman’s “No” I mean dont put her in a position to have to regularly say “no.” Group meetips are good for that.

    This thing with pacing is also true for non romantic relationships.

  8. #18
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    If someone doesn't like me the way I am they can move on.
    After my divorce I became fearless about asking women for a date. I never took rejection personally. I figure that not every woman is my cup of tea, so why should I expect to be every woman's cup of tea? Ask, try, maybe have to move on.

    And I say this as someone of average looks (albeit overweight) and who had lots of geek cred well before that was fashionable.
    If Americans expended even a fraction of the energy on civic engagement that we spend on consumer ideology, our democracy would be much healthier. Can you imagine people camping out to vote? -- Charles Roberts, Amherst, Mass., Nov. 25, 2006

  9. #19
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SteveinMN View Post
    After my divorce I became fearless about asking women for a date. I never took rejection personally. I figure that not every woman is my cup of tea, so why should I expect to be every woman's cup of tea? Ask, try, maybe have to move on.

    And I say this as someone of average looks (albeit overweight) and who had lots of geek cred well before that was fashionable.
    Probably I would have liked you and your approach, Steve. While some women might have said to themselves “ Steve hits on everyone, I am not special “ but I would have viewed you as wanting to start out casually and in a friendly way.

  10. #20
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    There are people who play hard to get and there are people who are genuinely hard to get because they are busy, or not inclined to just go out with anyone who asks.

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