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Thread: Hard to Get

  1. #21
    Senior Member
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    Jul 2015
    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    There are people who play hard to get and there are people who are genuinely hard to get because they are busy...
    This is actually a really good point.

    Though I tend to avoid dating women who are just too busy.

  2. #22
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Jan 2011
    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    We have discussed The Rules here before. I guess we have pretty much discussed everything.

    I read that book and agree with it. It is not about teaching women to “play games,” it is about encouraging women to develop a rich life with lots of activities so that when potential romantic partners come along, you are not swarming them with attention, you legitimately have other things going on in your life. The book contains good advice about pacing a new relationship.

    That idiotic concept “playing games”has always bugged me. It is a lifelong pet peeve, and I usually avoid those who use the term excessively, especially back in the days when I was dating. It meant to me that the man wanted a fast committment to regular and frequent one on one dates, and usually exclusively. If I didn't want to committ to that schedule I was “playing games” in his words. So when I told that boyfriend “dude, more than twice a week just isnt something I want to do,” that would be “playing gamez” for some men.

    For those guys, they can fook right off.

    Not allowing a relationship to unfold at a pace that is comfortable for me is churlish and self centered. Pacing is important, and negotiating the pace is part of building the relationship. I think it is important to remember that sometimes romantic partners are not obvious, they grow on you. I dont mean do not honor a woman’s “No” I mean dont put her in a position to have to regularly say “no.” Group meetips are good for that.

    This thing with pacing is also true for non romantic relationships.
    My pet peeve is apparently the polar opposite of yours. "Playing games" is just shorthand for being calculatedly false. Women have been schooled in
    this "art" for generations--it's a time honored method for "catching a man." Bleah...

  3. #23
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Mar 2012
    Saint Paul, Minnesota
    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    While some women might have said to themselves “ Steve hits on everyone, I am not special “ but I would have viewed you as wanting to start out casually and in a friendly way.
    Steve didn't hit on everyone (like everyone, I have my preferences) but I don't think the women I asked out knew of enough others to connect any dots.

    To me, a first date was an opportunity to get to know a woman better. I never went into a first date thinking "This is the day our future together started" or even expecting more than a handshake at evening's end. My only criterion for asking for another date was "Did I have a good enough time to do this again?" I was OK if the answer was no (for either of us).
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

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