As David Lee Roth once said: ""I don't get all the women I want; I get all the women than want me."
If a woman is going to play hard to get, then she can get got by someone else.
I am a straight shooter -- I ask a woman out. If she accepts then we move forward. If she declines or ghosts then I drop her and move along. When a woman declines I am polite and say something like: "Thanks for the honesty, best of luck to you in your search."
When a woman ghosts I just let it go.
I don't play games, ever. I used to hear all that crap about letting men win at games, play dumb, etc. and the idea repulsed me. Way to start off a relationship--by being a phony. If someone doesn't like me the way I am they can move on. I never played hard to get and I don't remember being pursued by anyone I later became interested in. I did hold off dating my SO of many years until he was disengaged from his then-wife.
I agree. I’ve been married a long time but way back in my single days, if someone was interested in me then I either returned the interest or not and politely told them so. I don’t think dating is a game, to play hard to get and it is mean to string someone along. Respond positively or tell them from the get go that you are not interested so they can move on.
JBY (just be yourself).
Works great if one is either very physically attractive -- so much so that people forgive one's personality. Or it also works great if your "self" is innocuous, very moderate in all spheres, and generally quite acceptable to the dominant culture.
But if you are quirky, then it is a real tough game out there...
We have discussed The Rules here before. I guess we have pretty much discussed everything.
I read that book and agree with it. It is not about teaching women to “play games,” it is about encouraging women to develop a rich life with lots of activities so that when potential romantic partners come along, you are not swarming them with attention, you legitimately have other things going on in your life. The book contains good advice about pacing a new relationship.
That idiotic concept “playing games”has always bugged me. It is a lifelong pet peeve, and I usually avoid those who use the term excessively, especially back in the days when I was dating. It meant to me that the man wanted a fast committment to regular and frequent one on one dates, and usually exclusively. If I didn't want to committ to that schedule I was “playing games” in his words. So when I told that boyfriend “dude, more than twice a week just isnt something I want to do,” that would be “playing gamez” for some men.
For those guys, they can fook right off.
Not allowing a relationship to unfold at a pace that is comfortable for me is churlish and self centered. Pacing is important, and negotiating the pace is part of building the relationship. I think it is important to remember that sometimes romantic partners are not obvious, they grow on you. I dont mean do not honor a woman’s “No” I mean dont put her in a position to have to regularly say “no.” Group meetips are good for that.
This thing with pacing is also true for non romantic relationships.
After my divorce I became fearless about asking women for a date. I never took rejection personally. I figure that not every woman is my cup of tea, so why should I expect to be every woman's cup of tea? Ask, try, maybe have to move on.
And I say this as someone of average looks (albeit overweight) and who had lots of geek cred well before that was fashionable.
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington
There are people who play hard to get and there are people who are genuinely hard to get because they are busy, or not inclined to just go out with anyone who asks.
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