Hard to Get

[JaneV2.0]

We have discussed The Rules here before. I guess we have pretty much discussed everything.

I read that book and agree with it. It is not about teaching women to “play games,” it is about encouraging women to develop a rich life with lots of activities so that when potential romantic partners come along, you are not swarming them with attention, you legitimately have other things going on in your life. The book contains good advice about pacing a new relationship.

That idiotic concept “playing games”has always bugged me. It is a lifelong pet peeve, and I usually avoid those who use the term excessively, especially back in the days when I was dating. It meant to me that the man wanted a fast committment to regular and frequent one on one dates, and usually exclusively. If I didn't want to committ to that schedule I was “playing games” in his words. So when I told that boyfriend “dude, more than twice a week just isnt something I want to do,” that would be “playing gamez” for some men.

For those guys, they can fook right off.

Not allowing a relationship to unfold at a pace that is comfortable for me is churlish and self centered. Pacing is important, and negotiating the pace is part of building the relationship. I think it is important to remember that sometimes romantic partners are not obvious, they grow on you. I dont mean do not honor a woman’s “No” I mean dont put her in a position to have to regularly say “no.” Group meetips are good for that.

This thing with pacing is also true for non romantic relationships.

My pet peeve is apparently the polar opposite of yours. "Playing games" is just shorthand for being calculatedly false. Women have been schooled in
this "art" for generations--it's a time honored method for "catching a man." Bleah...

[Yppej]

There are people who play hard to get and there are people who are genuinely hard to get because they are busy, or not inclined to just go out with anyone who asks.

[Ultralight]

There are people who play hard to get and there are people who are genuinely hard to get because they are busy...

This is actually a really good point.

Though I tend to avoid dating women who are just too busy.