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Thread: Disappointed in quilting group

  1. #1
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    Disappointed in quilting group

    Now that I am retired, and it's starting to be winter, i.e. cold and wet in this part of California, I have gotten my boxes of fabric, swing machine, and other quilting tools out. I have some unfinished projects dating back about 4 years, and am looking forward to finishing them and to doing more piecing because sewing makes me happy.

    I also decided it might be good to find quilting friends. I moved here a little over a year ago, and have friends here but no one who would want to hop in the car and drive 25 miles to a fabric/quilt store. Sometimes I'd like to have that company. And I know I will want an audience for completed projects. So...

    Simultaneously, there was a posting on our local NextDoor about starting a local quilting group. First organizational meeting was last week. Twelve women showed up, 9 of which live in a nearby gated community. But this was hosted by a woman in town, so it was all good, or so I thought.

    Today an email comes to the group with details for next week's meeting- and its being held in the clubhouse at the gated community! So I email back, thinking someone would "guest" the 3 of us who don't live there. I asked how we would get in. I got an immediate answer: "You don't." -- WTH?!?!?

    I inquired again- sometimes I'm just stubborn like that- asking about the others. Immediately i was told, "oh, they realized we are out of their league and they have dropped out. You are not welcome. This is for residents only."

    I tell you, I was seeing red for about an hour! How dare they!! They used, then excluded, the woman who started the ball rolling for the group, letting her field and answer all the emails, ready her house, etc. Then excluded 3 of us! I called and left messages for the other 2, suggesting that we have our own group. That was this morning, and neither have answered me.

    I was asking myself- how could they?! - then realized it's just like the mean girls in middle school- they never changed!!
    I'm running into a lot of nastiness in the world these days. I think I must have been really very sheltered all those years teaching in elementary schools.
    But I never dreamed a group of quilters would be so mean.

  2. #2
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mschrisgo2 View Post
    Now that I am retired, and it's starting to be winter, i.e. cold and wet in this part of California, I have gotten my boxes of fabric, swing machine, and other quilting tools out. I have some unfinished projects dating back about 4 years, and am looking forward to finishing them and to doing more piecing because sewing makes me happy.

    I also decided it might be good to find quilting friends. I moved here a little over a year ago, and have friends here but no one who would want to hop in the car and drive 25 miles to a fabric/quilt store. Sometimes I'd like to have that company. And I know I will want an audience for completed projects. So...

    Simultaneously, there was a posting on our local NextDoor about starting a local quilting group. First organizational meeting was last week. Twelve women showed up, 9 of which live in a nearby gated community. But this was hosted by a woman in town, so it was all good, or so I thought.

    Today an email comes to the group with details for next week's meeting- and its being held in the clubhouse at the gated community! So I email back, thinking someone would "guest" the 3 of us who don't live there. I asked how we would get in. I got an immediate answer: "You don't." -- WTH?!?!?

    I inquired again- sometimes I'm just stubborn like that- asking about the others. Immediately i was told, "oh, they realized we are out of their league and they have dropped out. You are not welcome. This is for residents only."

    I tell you, I was seeing red for about an hour! How dare they!! They used, then excluded, the woman who started the ball rolling for the group, letting her field and answer all the emails, ready her house, etc. Then excluded 3 of us! I called and left messages for the other 2, suggesting that we have our own group. That was this morning, and neither have answered me.

    I was asking myself- how could they?! - then realized it's just like the mean girls in middle school- they never changed!!
    I'm running into a lot of nastiness in the world these days. I think I must have been really very sheltered all those years teaching in elementary schools.
    But I never dreamed a group of quilters would be so mean.
    That is interesting. What is the purpose of the quilting group? Is size of the group a factor?

    I ask because my garden club has a size limitation. We are a study group where everyone brings a floral arrangement for a critique from the group. Our bylaws limit us to 30 members, but critiquing that many designs would take several hours, so in our current membership of 23 people we usually have 12 - 14 designs. That is enough.

    The news of your unwelcome status was delivered badly, that is for sure. Ugh. But I can see if these women decided that they had enough bodies to form a group just in their own little subdivision Some garden clubs have tight geographic limits like that, limited to a subdivision. But why did they include you in the email? That is weird. Was that just incompetence, sending you the email?
    Last edited by iris lilies; 11-8-17 at 12:52am.

  3. #3
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    Disappointing is an understatement. How rude!

    at least that woman didn’t let you get invested in the group and start to think she was a friend before showing you who she is. I hope the other two get back with you. Keep trying.

  4. #4
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    Quilters are really just other people with a common interest. We have our own quilt police, nasty people, and downright cruel people. I am so sorry that the mean girls were so tactless and cruel. But quilters as a big group have far more very nice, helpful, and kind members.

    I would just try again. Maybe have an organizational meeting at some neutral location without much equipment/cost (quilt store, library, bookstore, etc.). Do more of a get to know meeting with show and tell to find out what everyone is looking for (shopping, weekly bee meetings, etc.) You could end up creating one or more "bee" groups out of such a meeting. Or find out if there is a local big guild that has already sorted this out and has bees to join.

  5. #5
    Senior Member flowerseverywhere's Avatar
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    I have been in many quilt guilds as I have moved around the country and yes, there can be mean girls. But seriously, you are cutting up pieces of fabric and sewing them together again. No need to be unkind. But there are tons of nice people out there.
    I buy most of my fabric Online. If you need good hints for good prices just ask.

    I would encoirage you to to find a good group. If you have to drive a half hour or hour maybe you could carpool with the other two women.

    Another option is is an online group. Facebook has a ton of them and everyone posts pictures of their stuff, encourages and shares tips. Quiltville open studio is a group on Facebook and Bonnie Hunter is getting ready to start a new mystery quilt. Tons of patterns, advice and fun. Last year, there was a quilt along and we did two blocks a week that eighty designers made up. I never would have completed this 5000 piece quilt without the encouragement of my online quilting sisters. My projects this year is farmers wife, and I also have a Dear Jane in progress.
    Edited to add, 35,000 people worldwide participated in this quilt along. Now it is a book, the splendid sampler.
    Attached Images Attached Images

  6. #6
    Senior Member flowerseverywhere's Avatar
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    For anyone interested here are some online projects going on now or in the near future

    gnome angel will be hosting a Farmers wife 30,s quilt along starting January 1st. You need to purchase Lori Hurds book of the same name. They did gypsy wife this year

    Moda blockheads. They are doin a sew along and provide the free patterns

    quilt along with Pat Sloan. She has tons of free tips and patterns. She does lots of sew alongs.

    I only use use Facebook for my quilting groups. Tons of tips, tricks and info. But most of all, inspiration.

    My quilt group is doing the Bonnie Hunter mystery quilt along together. You can find the info on her webpage, quiltville as well as in the quiltville open studio Facebook group. She does one every year starting on Black Friday, with weekly or so clues finishing mid January. She does this during the holiday time because so many people that are lonely or sad look forward to it every year. The clues are free but she takes them down on February 1. Also, I am starting a block of the month next year and we will meet monthly and work on one of these big projects together.

  7. #7
    Senior Member CathyA's Avatar
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    Mschrisgo.....Wow.......how very rude. Sounds like you wouldn't want to be around these folks anyhow. Keep trying to find another group.
    I can't believe that person was such a rude snob.

  8. #8
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    That is sad. We don't know what triggered that degree of inappropriate behaviour. Let it go.

    Having said that, the cruelty of the one person has made the other two very cautious especially if they have never tried to join a quilting group before.

    May I suggest that rather than wanting to leap into a fully fledged group that you gently invite the other two and one or two others to a meeting to see if there is enough interest to start your own? I like to start small, set some simple parameters that are agreed to by consensus such as IL has mentioned for her hort group.
    The fabric store may have some ideas of people in your neighbourhood who are searching for a small group to share their interest.

    There is a solution that is right for you. Hugs
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  9. #9
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    I agree that you're lucky you found out about these harpies before you got too involved. My experience of quilters was that the only thing we had in common was quilts, but that was OK. Keep looking--your experience was an unfortunate fluke.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Sad Eyed Lady's Avatar
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    Very rude and cruel. However, as some have said here already, now you know and better sooner than later. You and the two other cast off ladies, form your own small group with an eye out for another who doesn't fit into someone else's mold. You'll grow.
    "Like a bird on the wire, like a drunk in the midnight choir, I have tried in my way to be free." Leonard Cohen

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