Can My Children Be Friends With XXX People?

[Ultralight]

When I was a kid, in one of my mom's few moments of lucidity she said: "Be a good friend to good people. Skin color, if they are gay, whatever religion -- doesn't matter. What matters is the mutual goodness."

I reflected on that as a kid, and since then. And that is how I choose my friends.

[LDAHL]

I'm taking a different tack here. I'm trying to raise my kid to be the sort of person who would laugh in my face if I tried picking her friends for her based on my theory of social justice.

[Williamsmith]

When I was a kid, in one of my mom's few moments of lucidity she said: "Be a good friend to good people. Skin color, if they are gay, whatever religion -- doesn't matter. What matters is the mutual goodness."

I reflected on that as a kid, and since then. And that is how I choose my friends.

You know, if your mother never did a damn thing for you other than give you that world view.....well I’d say she did enough. Good on her and her moment of lucidity!

[razz]

You know, if your mother never did a damn thing for you other than give you that world view.....well I’d say she did enough. Good on her and her moment of lucidity!

+1

[Zoe Girl]

I can see a point here, I know that growing up it was significant when the first black family moved into the neighborhood and the first Indian family. It was not a bad thing and I don't think our neighborhood was bad about it, but I do recall my mom telling me that the mom in the first black family was lonely. It was simply hard to be the first family no matter how nice we were. And there is a tension at times, I have had it with some white friends. I have been very comfortable with them and then I moved to a black neighborhood. Attitudes came out that I didn't expect. Assumptions that I would go to their house but of course they couldn't come to mine, some teen sons of my friends making jokes that everyone was a criminal based on skin color, and a few more. I found ways to address it but I am hesitant even as a white person with other white people.

[ApatheticNoMore]

And there is a tension at times, I have had it with some white friends. I have been very comfortable with them and then I moved to a black neighborhood. Attitudes came out that I didn't expect. Assumptions that I would go to their house but of course they couldn't come to mine, some teen sons of my friends making jokes that everyone was a criminal based on skin color, and a few more. I found ways to address it but I am hesitant even as a white person with other white people.

I don't think most of this is even the same thing, it may be biased and unfair but I think people avoid neighborhoods if they think they might be unsafe and not all the neighborhoods they think might be unsafe actually are. But unadventurous people make swift assumptions just because they know dangerous neighborhoods exist and they have never been there.

But also a bunch of white people aren't always wanted in an all black etc. neighborhood, at this point people fear it as gentrification, and think high rents they can't pay will follow.

[Zoe Girl]

I don't accuse my friends of being racist, but yes making assumptions about people and places they have not been before. Basically they knew that the neighborhood was in the city and I shared some things about the area. One was that I started to attend a church where they actively talked about white flight when the neighborhood changed and worked to keep a good place for everyone in an era that had a lot more racism. So I didn't say there was more crime, it was an assumption that I ended up addressing after I moved. The difference for me is that we probably all feel awkward when we are the only one of some group in a larger group, however we can be aware when we associate it with more crime or poor performing schools.

[kib]

This article posits a rather bizarre and self serving description of friendship, as if potential friends were an insensate lineup of menu items. I'll have one from column A and one from column B, with a side of pot stickers and a Pink Lady. I have found that real friends come along ... organically, for the most part, and I fall in like with them the way I fall in love - with my heart, not a manifest.

[dado potato]

I suppose members of any ethnic group can warn their children about interactions with any other ethnic group.

In 2012, after George Zimmerman shot and killed Trayvon Martin at the age of 17, I saw a number of items about "the talk" black parents have with their children, especially young teenagers, about being careful with police and avoiding causing suspicion.

[Ultralight]

I'm taking a different tack here. I'm trying to raise my kid to be the sort of person who would laugh in my face if I tried picking her friends for her based on my theory of social justice.

You're trying to raise a kid who will be a critical thinker capable of making her own decisions?
That is just crazy talk!