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Thread: Question - how many close friends of colour do you have? OR How to be a friend

  1. #31
    Simpleton Alan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bae View Post
    Well, the whole definition of "of colour" and "white" needs a bit of thinking...
    It seems to me that the premise of this thread is that only white people read it so it's a good place to show our street cred in having 'other' friends. I'll choose not to play.
    "Things should be made as simple as possible, but not one bit simpler." ~ Albert Einstein

  2. #32
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    While it is your choice to participate, the OP was directly linked to the story of a man of self-affirmed note of colour's article and concern about his son's future making friends with white folks. I did raise the issue of the white people in Africa who suffered discrimination because of colour of a different hue.
    You have taken it as a street cred question and a premise of only white people participating, although no such limits were imposed that I am aware of. Please demonstrate this bias.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alan View Post
    It seems to me that the premise of this thread is that only white people read it so it's a good place to show our street cred in having 'other' friends. I'll choose not to play.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  3. #33
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Ha! I'm just an old white woman from the burbs--Not a shred of cred here.

  4. #34
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alan View Post
    It seems to me that the premise of this thread is that only white people read it so it's a good place to show our street cred in having 'other' friends. I'll choose not to play.
    We used to have an African American friend, Jeff who lived behind us. He was friends eith several of us here on the block. In our group was a loud mouthed woman of liberal political persuasion. Sometimes she was comical, she was so loud and talky and strident about various liberal causes. Kind of like our peggy here. She probably would have died of apoplexy at some of Donald Trumpks tweets, but she is already dead. anyway...

    ...More than once I observed her introduce us around to her friends from other places and she made an embarrassingly big deal about her BLACK friend, Jeff. The rest of us were chopped liver.

    When Jeff killed his wife, the loud mouth woman loudly lamented GUNS and etc, because, you know, that gun just jumped into Jeff’s hands and fired.

  5. #35
    Senior Member KayLR's Avatar
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    I guess I flunk whatever test this thread is grading.

    I've lived in the PacNW my entire life. I had no fellow students at the school I attended all 12 years who were not white. My current employer has not one black nor Hispanic employee. At a former employer I had one coworker who was born in Delhi. One. But, I've worked alongside many gays, and there is one transgender person in my current workplace.

    ETA, I guess what I'm saying is there have been few opportunities for me to acquire non-white friendships. Actually, I don't have many friends, period. There's that.
    My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already!

  6. #36
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    truthfully I have often been friends (to a degree, hanging out anyway) with anyone willing to have me as a friend who liked to spend time in any way I did. Basically true, whether it's non-judgemental or just lonely... shrug, kinda both really.

    But I don't tend to have best friends most of the time period. Yes I could say my bf is my best friend sure ha, at other times in my life well a much older white guy was once a very good totally platonic friend of me (he moved away etc.). You get no diversity points I guess for a 30 year age difference and being good friends who hang out all the time, but it's probably not that typical. People probably SHOULD get diversity points for having friends much older or much younger than them (that aren't their family members of course). It's not really encouraged in this society at all, much less so in many ways than cross race friends.

    But how I could be kind of guilty as charged of not being diverse enough is I'm not sure everything I like to go to socially is "diversity central". None of it is all white, nothing would be here (cept maybe a KKK gathering and that is definitely not what I like socially), However many things attract somewhat disproportionately white people. So some people's social circles will tend white yes ... if they are into say Sierra club meetings or something well environmentalism itself is pretty darn white etc..
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  7. #37
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    Where you choose to live has a big impact. When looking for a house my criteria included a place with diverse public schools and tolerance. To measure the latter I had the Southern Poverty Law Center send me a list of places in my state with reported hate crimes/hate activities and I avoided them.

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by razz View Post
    Good question! As others have mentioned, proximity creates friendships but not close friends. Different friends over the years have helped me refine the ore of my being and then moved on but their presence stays with me.

    My parameters for close friends and reciprocated include freedom to think for myself and share those thoughts without being judged even if very different than theirs; being open emotionally; sharing challenges knowing that their support and love are there and they remind me of my strengths to deal with those challenges;
    That is not a definition I would have used. By that standard, I guess I have lots of close friends with the things that have been shared.

    In my mind, I would have an issue coming up with a best man, let alone groomsmen if I was getting married.

  9. #39
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    We were the only white family on the block where I grew up till I was five . We moved to the suburbs and I asked my mom where are all the black kids ? She said there aren't any black kids here . So I asked who am I gonna play with ? She said the white kids. I was afraid of them, but I ended up making friends with four girls who are still my friends 50 years later. My grade school was all-white Catholic but my high school was public school and they bussed people in to make it 50% white and 50% black. I have a lot of black friends at school but we didn't get together after school . We lived too far apart . My neighborhood is now changing to black and Hispanic and I'm friendly with all of my neighbors . I consider my next-door neighbor a friend she's Hispanic . My weight watcher group is mostly black and I have several good friends among them. I guess I make friends based on proximity. My best friend is Serbian . We met in college she was in the room next to me. See I'm just lazy !

  10. #40
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ToomuchStuff View Post
    That is not a definition I would have used. By that standard, I guess I have lots of close friends with the things that have been shared.

    In my mind, I would have an issue coming up with a best man, let alone groomsmen if I was getting married.
    Clarify this please. Too many to choose from or not feeling comfortable with any particular one? Maybe I don't understand the challenge of choosing a best man. Some best man choices last a long time but others are short-term as are bridesmaids.

    Had a delightful experience of knowing a best man being a woman and both the marriage and friendship thrived in comfort.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

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